Online dating scam Nigeria

The Nigerian prince scam is one of the oldest scams on the internet. The scam rose to prominence in the 1990s, and is referred to by the FBI as “Nigerian Letter” or “419” fraud. Social Catfish, an online dating investigation service, shared an actual playbook provided by a member of a Nigerian dating scam ring and provided insight into how these scammers operate and what ... Online Dating Scam: Police arrest, parade 24 cybercrime suspects ... cyberstalking and impersonation of high-profile personalities in Nigeria and across the world. ... A Nigerian Instagram star who boasted online about his lavish lifestyle of private jets, designer clothes and luxury cars has been busted in a $431 million cyber scam, according to a report. Browse part 1 of female dating scammers online. Be informed and get weekly updates to your email account about latest female scammers, their tactics, scenarios, warning signs, victim's stories and much more... Online dating scams are unfortunately still prevalent and impact thousands of people. In 2018, the FBI received 351,937 romance scam complaints.It’s no secret that there are deceptive people online who want to take advantage of vulnerable and lonely individuals — and they see singles on dating sites as easy targets. Online dating scam is 'one of the largest of its kind' ... 17 people have been arrested in the US so far and federal investigators are trying to track down the rest in Nigeria and other nations. I created this dating watchdog site to help others like me avoid this disaster before it is too late. Altogether we have helped over 50,000 users avoid being scammed online. I found out I was dating a scammer by using a background checking service. If you are dating someone online, you should run a check. Try This Background Check Service According to the Federal Bureau of Investigations Internet Crimes Complaint Center Nigerian scammers aren’t only posing on internet dating sites waiting for the obvious romance scams.They may find you where you least suspect it, through an online game, social media platform, by message or email, or using apps of all variety. Facebook dating scam A scammer from Nigeria has been using an Army Veterans profile picture to meet ladies. He uses several numbers. 512-488-3643 and 512-572-1514. He uses several numbers. 512-488-3643 and 512-572-1514.

How do people not give up on OLD?

2020.10.07 22:02 justjudyd How do people not give up on OLD?

Last month I decided to try online dating again (FB dating) after being off it a couple of years, primarily because working from home the last 7 months and rarely going out due to the lovely Corona virus, I've become very bored and lonely. I'm about convinced that it is 95% scam! I met 1 person and I liked him, we went out twice but something didn't feel right, things he told me just weren't adding up but that's ok, he was still nice. However, in the past week I've had: Guy #1 messages me around 2 am on app; i respond the next afternoon and ask if he's usually online in the middle of the night. He ignores that question and asks me other questions which I answer. Then he says "I'm rarely on here, would you give me your cell # so we can text" Now silly me, I forgot that is a red flag so I give him my # and told him not to text nor call after 9pm. The next morning I wake up to 2 texts from him sent around 2 am. I blocked him from my cell phone and from the app. Guy #2 we match. I see a message from him posted at 2:35 a.m.; I was suspicious right away. I responded that it appeared we were on different time zones (even though his profile said we were in the same city). Then he messages me the next morning around 5 a.m. just saying "give me your cell phone #". I just ignored that and moved on. Guy #3 We match. Again his profile says he's in my city. He messages at a normal time. I respond with a light hearted msg about taking a dance break instead of working; and his response: "Let me tell you about me, I'm an analyst and business man I travel all around the world have been to 17 countries. I'm a man of integrity and I deal with sincerity.Presently I'm in Nigeria on a business trip and will be back once I meet that loving and caring woman, text me back if you're ok with it"..... No and No, I'm not ok with that and did not respond. Guy #4- this was today. He sends me a message, we message back and forth a couple times. Then he says let me tell you about myself , well what he said in this message was TOTALLY different than what his profile said, he stated his age as 5 years younger than his profile, profile said he was from Bulgaria, msg said he was from Spain; profile said he lived in the same city as me, msg said he was in a completely different state! I responded back "that is totally different than what your profile says". He did not respond and then his profile disappeared! LOL OMG . I know I'm not the only 1 who gets this crap, I'd just conveniently forgotten. The last time I tried OLD I met a man very quickly and we dated for about a year; every other time I've tried, I delete the app after a month or 2 because of the BS. How do people not give up?
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2020.08.04 08:56 Thebimbostories Role playing pedo female stalker for a year?

I haven't dealt with bullying much in teenagehood, and usually have a strong network of friends but I have dealt with some mentally ill, ghanian lards who tried to defame me but lost. They later send me nudes to marry me, that's another story. Turns out all of them are bi/lesbians cause they don't get dates to stick with them and I was the only one who didn't abuse them or something. This wasn't in teenagehood, this was in adulthood but your nephew needs to know there are bullies in adulthood too in the world. I came across some anonymous writings, and it was really sad the lards in question had no friends who bothered contacting them for years, psychotic breakdowns everyday, health complications, dead parents, broken prospects and poverty. One of them even pretended to be her dead mom for a while to talk to me. This person also catfished as an attractive teen, and pretended to be 17, sometimes 13 and of slavic origins in usa and a nurse online, used to send sexually explicit sext to teens (Imagine pretending to be white blonde when you are ghanian) for a year. I was an attractive female while they were defective people will no career or romantic prospects and a broken mind. They were a bit delusional and talked alot about loneliness and distance issues. Despite knowing the above person's sad life, I'm still going the legal route cause of my principles, mainly cause it guarantees they will be in a mental institution and get therapy if they can't afford it. This is not all, how about How about obesity, online addiction, drug issues, pedophilia and self harming (cutting yourself and dragging nails in during stress), and mood swings. Chain smokes and can't look in the mirror, otherwise self image will be destroyed. Suicidal ideation which you cope by pretending to be someone else online, and asking young boys if you can have oral sex with them. I know someone like that. Imagine someone who can't face their reality so much they pretend to be someone else to cope with it. Like you are Asian and you are pretending to be a blonde 13 year old. That disturbed. How about obesity, online addiction, drug issues, pedophilia and self harming (cutting yourself and dragging nails in during stress), and mood swings. Chain smokes and can't look in the mirror, otherwise self image will be destroyed. Suicidal ideation which you cope by pretending to be someone else online, and asking young boys if you can have oral sex with them. I know someone like that. Imagine someone who can't face their reality so much they pretend to be someone else to cope with it. Like you are Asian and you are pretending to be a blonde 13 year old. That disturbed.
This woman was into hardcore role playing and pretending to be other people. I have never seen someone have so much self internalized hatred ever. She hated everyone was better than her without relying on lies, gaslighting and just trying to convince people to not trust their instincts with her.
Oh, and I wasn't sure of this especially cause it involves another person, but her younger brother (she told me she has one) and her were in an incestuous relationship. He was fingering her and touching her boobs, and watched her when she was changing clothes, she wore a thin bikini to impress her brother, and raped her. I don't know how much is fan fiction from her psychotic breakdown but she has told me stuff like this 30 times over the past one year, so she is either recalling events, or is a huge pervert.
the general rule for me is don't be ugly, poor, mentally ill and obese and with drug issues or into illegal activities which this woman is and people who are clingy and obsessively negative and kind of stupid and mentally stunted which is also her thing. Add that to having zero skills and creativity, and using other people projects for getting by for all the time they have been in for every project in their college(ie the teacher asked the batch to copy their projects) , and still failing couple of years in school and 2 in college at an easy major, being very sick emotionally, mentally, physically, lacking a personality, unemployed from their graduation and only had job opportunities where everytime you stayed a month or two of the trial period before they fired you when the trial got over. Some bad family history, dad beats mom, mom is ill, brother and her had an incestuous (sexual) relationship, no attention from men if you don't put out. Second class citizens in high school. Frauds.
Apart from this,
I'm partly from an African country (not Nigeria) which has a very high poverty rate and very bad human rights violations. Recently, I got elected to represent my country for something really worthwhile and it was an escalating series of success for years that led me to that point, I was so proud. I dealt with mild racism from some people but it wasn't against my work, more from where I came from and I proudly held it as a badge of honor cause my family had people who had fought for independence from the French. Moreover, I look alot like Megan Markle (by body type too) and am really attractive, so while some women were apprehensive, most men supported me. All women did too though they disliked where I came from and hate the people there. Except people of the African country. I'm kind of rich and more accomplished than my African counterparts in question and better looking so I was garnering attention for it, while meanwhile most of my counterparts were low IQ, rabid women who had dealt with substantial racism due to the darker color of their skin. Due to the culture of my country, it's normal for people to be emotionally damaged, mentally ill and some of these people in question had diagnosed mental illnesses which means they must be severely mentally ill to qualify, my African country has no mental health culture and still puts crazy people in mental wards and does exorcism on them. Despite me gathering incredible amount of positive western media attention (as an immigrant) and winning accolades , the black women from that country decided to initiate a escort scheme to get money from the western people, and defraud them from their money by following me around and bombarding these people with sex offers for money. When I exposed them they started to falsely label me and maliciously created lies so that I don't escape the hole they live in. Some people even said, anyone but her, and offered their comparatively darker asses for sex. Made allegations on my character and tried to defame me in front of Africans and westerners I knew. After figuring out that shit was not working and that I was from a exponentially well off family than them, they started offering themselves to me for a relationship, both men and women. I politely declined but they kept hounding me between defaming me and sending me nudes. I kept those records showed it to authorities. Turns out this was a pattern they were into for years and had been engaging in that kind of escort/drugs/promiscuity for benefits dealing work or so for years.
This cost me for a while, but I lodged a complaint in that African country (does nothing) but I'm also taking it to international court. I let everyone know that stuff was not true, and the allegations about me were cleared out. Im back to being as successful as I was, but all of this left me seriously considering giving up my ties with that country cause I'm not the same ethnicity as them and don't share the same values as them. They are very tribal and primitive women who are not very well versed with the outside world and come from very poor and uneducated families, and even had ancestors sold in slavery, while all people in my family are atleast well earning people with high school and two higher qualifications and comparatively rich elite upbringing. I'm also from an ethnicity that was once royalty on the land (though let's be honest, it doesn't matter if it's a backward french former colony and African). I also feel associating with the label holds me back. I have also never spend much time in that country to be called that people, my family moved alot due to my father's job in the petroleum industry where he was well respected. I have higher aspirations and I know that these people will never be at the level I am in anything mainly cause of their inferior genetics. Even in Europe, their population that has been there for ages, was sold into slavery and is known for scams and rapes and selling drugs and sexualizing their women. Some of those women offer sex to men (even in a family) they know around there and get stds. They use religion as a way to look religious but commoditize themselves. This is not for me, I'm a person of faith and want to live my life in alignment with Christ. I also feel they are very anti science and still carry alot of the tribal traditions from their forefathers and are very backward on human rights.The thing is this could be just a case of some bad people, but I think its the problem with that country's people everywhere. Maybe they are mentally ill, prone to being parasitic and just not a good influence for anyone. I hope the lack of infrastructure in the country for healthcare takes them along with it.
I am already in another country, but when I eventually have a family here or anywhere else, I will earn my place via meritocracy and by being a positive influence to my adopted community. I am lucky that due to former xenophobia of my ancestors they didn't ethnicity mix much with the country I'm talking about so I don't have to worry about betraying my genetical lineage or something. Even people who are well off from that ethnicity hate their ethnicity so it's not just me. I am already in a mixed race relationship, and hope to wipe out any of my leftover ethnic ties to that country. Maybe the African revolution and new economy in Nigeria may bring them into positive place, in that case I'll tell my kids about history of the place. However in my experience, it's not only how they treated me when I got the opportunity, I figured out none of the people in that country have good human rights. Average girls and boys in that country get sexualized at a very young age and get sold into slavery and deal with extreme abuse from other classes. This is the normal for them, and since my future children (when I do decide to have kids) will not have any ties to that place I don't want to perpetuate that cycle of abuse for my children.
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2020.06.09 23:27 fractalfay This is something that sense cannot take: Recap of BT90D Tell-All, part 1 AND 2

Welcome to the 90DF tell-all, where bitchy friends are summoned to pontificate on a romance that never happened, the invisibility potion finally worked on Geoffrey, Darcey cosplays as Donatella Versace, David is introduced amidst an assortment of juices, Ed is sweaty in his own temperature-controlled home, and Tom is sipping champagne from a flute in case we forgot he’s pretentious. Let’s dialog, shall we?
Shaun: Welcome to the tell all, and thank my lucky pandemic that I get to be far away from these people. Hi Yolanda, how are you?
Yolanda: I was in a coma!
Shaun: I was expecting “fine” or “good,” but I have a wow or two to spare. Did you have COVID-19?
Yolanda: No, I got this in December, and that’s the 12th month, not the 19th.
Steph: I believe I have dibs on the illness subplot, YOU NARCISSIST.
Yolanda: What? Williams, is that you? (Shakes phone.) How is Manchester?
Shaun: Where do I begin?
Avery: Journey.
Ash: Yes, okay. Let’s journey.
Avery: Red flags. Process.
Shaun: Can I use “knife in the heart” or is that too much?
Ash: Knife in the heart, yes. Now I will make a soulful expression.
Avery: You lied to my face!
Shaun: How did he lie?
Avery: I went on a diet. I don’t believe he was ever truly keto.
Ash: I took a picture of my lemon ginger drink!
Avery: I TOLD YOU LEMON HAS CARBS.
Lisa: This is petty, and I KNOW petty.
Avery: Sit down 70% attractive. Dude is a liar.
Ash: I have percentages, like you stole 110% of my energy, which left me without the strength to buy flowers for my next girlfriend, okay.
Lisa: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Sweat the big stuff, like a heart-shaped emoji on instagram.
Shaun: Is he still the best sex, because I’ve got some DMs to drop…
Ash: Yes, we should return to this.
Avery: Um. Yes.
Shaun: Interesting. Let’s put a pin in that.
Ash: I was going to ask for her hand. But I didn’t, so I’ll just add this here and hope it makes her feel bad.
Shaun: Yolanda?
Yolanda: Present!
Shaun: Just checking. Ed, how are you?
Ed: I’m way ahead of you, Shaun.
Shaun: What? We’ve brought in a douche translator, since Rose is not fluent in douche, and that’s Ed’s only language. Okay Ed, go ahead.
Ed: Shaun, this is a cell phone.
David: I have one of those.
Ed: This is a cell phone, Shaun.
Shaun: Okay.
Translator: Rose, that is a cell phone being held by a douchebag.
Ed: She wanted me back, and for me to come see her. I was wiling to give up my life and my daughter to go back to the fill-a-peens.
Rose: He always forget I dump him.
Ed: Again, do you see this cell phone? YOU WERE WITH A WOMAN.
Rose: Yes, we were broken up. Dating someone else is what happen next.
Ed: A-HA! I KNEW IT! And a WOMAN. No offense or anything, but A WOMAN.
Translator: He has a problem with you being bisexual, and problems in general.
Stephanie: I mean, I really am bisexual, but go ahead and make it all about you, Rose, SELFISH! EGOTISTICAL!
Ed: LOOK AT THIS PHONE STEPHANIE.
Danielle: You need a binder for evidence. I’m just saying.
Rose: He wanted a second chance.
Ed: This is absurd. It’s preposterous that a man about town such as myself would be reduced to longing for an attractive 20-something way out of my league.
Shaun: Let’s bring Ed’s daughter Tiffany out so we can see if she’s as detached from reality as her father.
Tiffany: Hi Shaun, I really am. My dad just said he would ditch me for Rose (again) on national television. Can we pretend I’m not 30?
Shaun: Sure, why not?
Ed: If I squeeze my cheeks my eyes squirt water, and then sympathies happen.
Translator: Ed apologizes by making people feel sorry for him so they protect him like a child.
Ed: I’ve learned my lesson.
Translator: No he hasn’t.
Shaun: Tiffany, do you have any questions for Rose? $50 bonus if you can phrase it like a pointless accusation.
Tiffany: Yes, I’d like to inexplicably attack Rose now.
Rose: Well...
Tiffany: Don’t take a tone with me!
Rose: What?
Tiffany: Ooo looks like I struck a nerve.
Rose: What?
Translator: I’m sorry Rose, they are douching so fast I can barely keep up.
Tiffany: But you LIED about SO MANY THINGS. You hid so much!
Rose: He set a trap for me. I tell him I’m sad, he tries to get me to take my clothes off for money on a video call. Your dad is creep.
Tiffany: Can we not talk about his history with sexual harassment?
Ed: That’s ridiculous, which you can tell by the photos on my wall.
Shaun: Should I bring up the STD test?
Paul: You rang?
Shaun: Um. Now the hairy legs thing?
Ed: I live in Southern California, where I’m surrounded by beautiful, wealthy women who don’t want to have sex with me. I notice their legs a lot when I’m clinging to their ankles.
Rose: You embarrass me and hurt me. You are always liar.
Ed: I’ll always love you and Prince.
Angela: That’s another lie. LYING AGIN!
Shaun: Can we get the translator to explain?
Translator: Yes, what Ed means is that he wants to have sex with Rose again, and thinks that could happen if he acknowledges her child in an empty way.
Darcey: I’m really feeling what Rose is going through, because I’ve dated Jesse and Tom and been myself all my life.
Tom: What was that, fatty?
Darcey: Ed, you’ve got to stop chipping away at her.
Ed: I’m going to try and make it about her lying, because no one saw this season!
Darcey: You lied about wanting kids, you asshole.
Avery: Let me open up my book of reflective listening. Ed, have you struggled to communicate with people all your life?
Ed: Yes, but it’s everyone else.
Avery: Can you hold these two electrodes in your hands? This is called “auditing” and is a really important part of —
Darcey: I have a magic barrette that will grant you three wishes.
Rose: Yes, I will take that please.
Ed: I lied about my height. I’m going to pretend that’s it.
Baby Girl Lisa: TAG ME IN TAG ME IN! I’m coming for you, Ed.
Big Ed: I’m too dumb to hide!
BGL: You used that poor soul. You’ve cut your own throat with American women.
Ed: Was that a throat joke?
Tom: I’ve got a fat joke.
BGL: There isn’t an American woman alive you’re going to be dating. I’ve got 50 mens who want to marry me and 300 Yahoo boys on hold.
Usman: Yes, I have heard these numbers.
Ed: I’m going to deflect and make this about Lisa having unprotected sex.
Shaun: I’m asleep.
BGL: LISTEN TO ME, ED. Let me tell you something, before any hotdog gets tossed down my hallway I check what is tucked in the bun!
Tom: I’m drunk!
David: Ed didn’t go over there to get married. He went over there for ass.
Ed: Don’t you fact at me!
Shaun: Let’s move on. This may come as a surprise to some of our viewers at home, but there is some debate over whether Williams is British.
Everyone: No there isn’t.
Yolanda: He sounds like Usman! I didn’t know Usman was from Manchester! Do you know Williams?
Shaun: What were you thinking when you weren’t thinking?
Yolanda: Thinking went right into my DMs on the Instagram.
David: Social media is a scam. Only trust paid apps. I’m proof of that.
Shaun: Cara, are you okay?
Cara: That’s a nope from me, Shaun.
Shaun: Lets bring in Scott Hunter, PI, to say nothing of substance in cop voice.
Scott Hunter, PI: Yes, what we have here is a computer. Now a computer is used to log in to what Al Gore calls “the internet.” We believe the perp accessed said internet from an Internet café, which is something that is found in The Europe.
David: Man, PIs are always a waste of money.
Usman: I don’t believe this man is from Nigeria, and by that I mean not from my tribe. Definitely a different tribe. That isn’t mine, or any other tribes in Nigeria.
PI: Are you also a PI? Yolanda does not appear to have access to maps. In my world we call maps a clue. These can also be found on the internet, which is inside this computer.
BGL: Look, I am an expert. I’ve been interneting since America Online interrupted phone calls. I installed it with a series of floppy disks. Then I turned the crank and held an antennae out the window, and if lightning struck at just the right time, boom, internet.
Shaun: Have you been scammed in the past, Lisa?
Lisa: No, only in the present.
Shaun: Well Yolanda, can we have one more shot of you looking at your phone in confusion?
Yolanda: Well I’ll try to call him, but sometimes someone answers and asks why I’m calling information, and I say where’s Williams, because aren’t they supposed to know?
Usman: Let’s see if my phone is going to ring. Yes, I am killing it with the zingers tonight! Yolanda, this is something that sense cannot take. How can someone be playing you this much? And how much did I miss out on by not playing you instead?
Yolanda: IT’S RINGING! I miss him, I do.
Cara: Goddammit.
Yolanda: I didn’t give him any money…that you know about.
Cara: Power of attorney is a beautiful thing.
Shaun: Let’s takes a look at Erika and Stephanie’s shared misery.
Steph: All I know is that it isn’t my fault.
Erika: It wasn’t about the dating ap on my phone, it was about Steph’s insecurities and the shit I found on HER phone. You cut that part, you filthy editors.
Steph: That was instagram, so it doesn’t count.
Erika: Oh, it was business? It was NETWORKING? REALLY?
Steph: Whoa, I had to pause for a second to recalibrate my bullshit. This is still your fault, somehow.
Shaun: Let’s bring out Erika’s friend Jessica for some reason.
Jessica: Erika is a free spirit, and Steph is a constipated one.
Shaun: Let’s bring out Heather and Sanders, since they pretended to play tennis with Stephanie once.
Heather: ‘Scuse me, esCUSE me, yeah, I been drunking since eleven-teen, okay? BITCH. I’m who Stephanie hangs out with on Friday night when she says she’s eating cheese. So I KNOW THINGS.
Erika: I’m sure you’re used to yelling, since you’re Steph’s only friend.
Jessica: Heather let her talk. WTF is this segment about?
Heather: I’M ITALIAN! Dunna be tryin to NO! NO!
Erika: There are all these things I want to say, and I can’t say them because this drunk twat is yelling through my segment.
Sanders: Well, you can tell by my pursed lips that I’m the saucy friend. It seems like you have a lot of secrets, ERIKA.
Erika: What are my secretes?
Sanders: Oh, there’s a lot SWEETIE. How much am I living my best Mean Girls life right now?
Heather: We should start a burn book and OF COURSE MY NAME IS HEATHER! (Wine spill.)
Erika: You were not there. I gave that bitch my phone.
Sanders: I am still fighting for relevancy.
Shaun: Steph, people call you a fake bisexual.
Heather: I can’t get my face to lie right!
Steph: I get attacked for not being a certain way, and let me talk around this question.
Jessica: That’s nice, but I think everyone thinks that you’re not bisexual because it seems like you’re not into girls. You didn’t give anything a chance.
Steph: Well, I hate to bring up my illness…
Shaun: No you don’t.
Erika: When you’re dating someone, you usually act like you’re dating someone.
Stephanie: No, I was distant for your benefit.
Erika: What?
Heather: Get em off me, get em OFF ME! Fucking BEES GODDAMMIT IT.
Erika: Every time Steph, you put it back on me.
Heather: QUARANTINE AND WINE. CALLING IT FOR MY BAND NAME.
Steph: You’re scary. This is my baby voice. Doesn’t it make me sound blameless?
Ed: Trying calling yourself a dummy.
Steph: No, I’m not bad. Giggle.
Shaun: Did you see why Erika was confused about who you are?
Steph: No. She thought I was like my videos, but if you go to my youtube channel and watch more of my videos, THEN you’ll know who I am.
Translator: What Stephanie is saying is that she feels guilty for leading Erika on, and is looking for a way it’s Erika’s fault so she doesn’t have to look at herself.
Steph: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER NEEDED THANK YOU!
Translator: Steph is used to yelling over opinions that don’t match her own.
Steph: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?
Translator: I’m afraid I’m an unstoppable force, Stephanie. My douche translation doesn’t stop until the douchebaggery does. Clearly I’ll be here all day.
Steph: I thought Erika watched more of my videos than she had. Have I mentioned my youtube channel? And what’s my dad’s name?
Erika: What?
Steph: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO INTERVIEW ME AND KNOW I WANTED TO BE INTERVIEWED GAWD!
Erika: Do you see what I’ve been through?
Steph: You’re a very self-centered person, because your self doesn’t revolve around me. Egotistical, narcissistic, yes I’ve got names and I don’t know why you’re the enemy all of a sudden GAWD!
Erika: My time was wasted. Every bisexual woman in three countries is dropping into my DMs though, so that helps. Steph, can you take responsibility for anything?
Steph: No. Just go to my youtube channel this Friday to tune into my talk about narcissism. Or go to my instagram, where you’ll find my performative donation receipt so people can see how fucking humble I am! JUST GO TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL SHAUN IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU NARCISSIST.
Shaun: Whoa, what just happened here?
Tom: Hello.
Raina: I’ll be the drunk friend now. I have signs.
Tom: I was serious about Darcey. She should know this by that text message on her birthday. Darcey: I have a revenge body EVERY REUNION.
Shaun: Why did you meet her in New York?
Tom: I wanted to see if something was still there.
Translator: He wanted to have sex with Darcey one more time. Shannon was the love of his life for exactly three weeks.
Raina: You know what I think about that? Check out this vomit emoji I’m now holding in front of my face.
Everyone: Can we have some of these to use at home? She’s got to have an Etsy…
Lisa: This makes me angry for some reason.
Shaun: Raina, is there any way we could prominently feature you in an upcoming season?
Raina: I’ll hold up both of my emoji masks for that one.
Shaun: We have a letter from Shannon. She says she thought Tom was single.
Tom: GET AVERY OFF THE SCREEN. I AM SO DRAMATIC YOU WANT ME BACK FOR ANOTHER SEASON. SAY IT SHAUN.
Shaun: Yeah, I’m not gonna say that. Now that Tom has stormed off for what will probably be two minutes, tops, Avery what happened?
Avery: Tom hit on me, and sent selective parts of my text messages to Ash.
Darcey: Yeah, he’s definitely trying to get another season.
Steph: The number one thing that turns me off is —
Ed: Air?
Lisa: Other people?
Erika: Women?
David: Massage oil?
Usman: Lisa?
Tom: I’m back, smoking and edgy.
Ash: I lied to Avery about the screenshot thing, okay. I don’t know why she thinks I’m a liar. My feelings were hurt, so everything I did was fine. Avery: This fucking guy…
Tom: Don’t get a British man angry, or I swear I’ll wrinkle this coat and keep wearing it anyway. I didn’t really ask Avery out when I asked her out, but I also asked Stephanie out because she’s hot, and Lisa out because she’s very attractive. I will do anything for another season. Anything.
Yolanda: Well why didn’t you ask me out? I’m still waiting for Williams, but he might get jealous if I were dating Harry Potter. Can you fake a British accent?
Lisa: I’m going to stand up for Tom, because other fee-males are what’s unreasonable.
Shaun: Darcey, are you going to give Tom another season?
Darcey: Fuck that, I’m moving on to my next international affair. Spin that wheel of dicks and see where it lands!
Shaun: Now Lisa, your storyline happened.
Lisa: Me and Usman didn’t break up, we just blocked each other.
Shaun: Some people would call that a breakup.
Lisa: Some people are bullheaded Shaun, and also wrong.
Ed: I’m just being honest when I say —
Lisa: WTF do you know about honesty? And what the fuck do you know about PANTS Ed?
Ed: You treated him like a goat.
Lisa: You’re the goat!
Paul: I thought I was the GOAT? Oh, you mean like, a farm animal. Right. I’ll just run back into the jungle.
Usman: This porn star I was talking to had 2.3M followers. Of course I will repost anything she says.
Shaun: Did you say something about a 2nd wife?
Usman: Yes, I would like one please.
Lisa: I knew about this. Here in the US, this person doesn’t count.
Usman: If Lisa can’t have a child, I’ll add another wife, period.
Angela: But what if she can tote it and just needs ya egg?
Lisa: This is not happening.
Usman: Why do you have male strippers on facebook if my porn star is problem?
Lisa: No, I have them running through my feed so they can advertise through the states.
Everyone: What?
Avery: Can we go back to this second wife thing? You have a hard time with emojis but you’re communal with your husband’s penis?
Lisa: Well she’s not legally a wife and would live somewhere else, so.
Shaun: Wait — Usman, you’re not planning to live in the states?
Usman: No. Do you see what is happening in your country?
Shaun: David, you poor bastard.
David: Yeah.
Shaun: You’re in tears, but I’m still smiling.
Ed: I’ve never been on a paid website that isn’t porn.
David: She still uses the website. For networking. I know she’s not scamming me.
Ed: But I define your relationship, David.
David: I can easily afford it, so gargle my balls.
Shaun: Did you find her in a catalog though?
David: Yes, I’ve been shopping for a spouse in the Ukraine for a very long time.
Shaun: What happened with the iPhone?
David: She said it slid right out of her pocket and down a sewage drain. She furiously waved her hands over the grate for minutes, before numbly surrendering to this great loss.
Ed: Now I’m going to laugh at another man’s pain.
David: Shut up before I roll you down the lane and knock down every pin with these bowling trophy guns.
Tom: Is that a fat joke? Cause I’m here for the fat jokes.
David: No, it’s a hair joke, because with all that mayo he’s going to take a lubricated journey down the center of the lane. The cleaning fees are going to be astronomical, but I can afford it.
Steph: I’M THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO YELL EGOTISTICAL SELFISH PEOPLE!
Ed: I’m so compassionate!
David: Yeah, I’m leaving.
Shaun: Let’s randomly bring out Cesar, who everyone knows is an actor.
Cesar: Sure, I have opinions.
Erika: I couldn’t say anything I wanted to say, but you have time for Cesar?
David: Yeah, I talked to Maria for about 30 minutes about five years ago. I’ve talked to over a thousand women on that site. You see, that’s how chatting on the internet works.
Stephanie: Look, women over there are cold. I know, because I’m from over there.
David: We are not together right now, but we are still engaged. Right now is not the future, and also she still has my ring.
Cara: Can you ask my mom out? She doesn’t know how to use an iPhone, either.
Yolanda: Seven years? Are you saying I could talk to Williams for that long without ever seeing him?
Cara: No mom, NO!
Shaun: Thanks everyone for participating! I’m sure we’ll see most of you on a forthcoming season of Happily Ever After.
Thank you, Patreon supporters!
submitted by fractalfay to u/fractalfay [link] [comments]


2020.06.09 23:27 fractalfay This is something that sense cannot take: Recap of BT90D Tell All, Parts 1 AND 2

Welcome to the 90DF tell-all, where bitchy friends are summoned to pontificate on a romance that never happened, the invisibility potion finally worked on Geoffrey, Darcey cosplays as Donatella Versace, David is introduced amidst an assortment of juices, Ed is sweaty in his own temperature-controlled home, and Tom is sipping champagne from a flute in case we forgot he’s pretentious. Let’s dialog, shall we?
Shaun: Welcome to the tell all, and thank my lucky pandemic that I get to be far away from these people. Hi Yolanda, how are you?
Yolanda: I was in a coma!
Shaun: I was expecting “fine” or “good,” but I have a wow or two to spare. Did you have COVID-19?
Yolanda: No, I got this in December, and that’s the 12th month, not the 19th.
Steph: I believe I have dibs on the illness subplot, YOU NARCISSIST.
Yolanda: What? Williams, is that you? (Shakes phone.) How is Manchester?
Shaun: Where do I begin?
Avery: Journey.
Ash: Yes, okay. Let’s journey.
Avery: Red flags. Process.
Shaun: Can I use “knife in the heart” or is that too much?
Ash: Knife in the heart, yes. Now I will make a soulful expression.
Avery: You lied to my face!
Shaun: How did he lie?
Avery: I went on a diet. I don’t believe he was ever truly keto.
Ash: I took a picture of my lemon ginger drink!
Avery: I TOLD YOU LEMON HAS CARBS.
Lisa: This is petty, and I KNOW petty.
Avery: Sit down 70% attractive. Dude is a liar.
Ash: I have percentages, like you stole 110% of my energy, which left me without the strength to buy flowers for my next girlfriend, okay.
Lisa: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Sweat the big stuff, like a heart-shaped emoji on instagram.
Shaun: Is he still the best sex, because I’ve got some DMs to drop…
Ash: Yes, we should return to this.
Avery: Um. Yes.
Shaun: Interesting. Let’s put a pin in that.
Ash: I was going to ask for her hand. But I didn’t, so I’ll just add this here and hope it makes her feel bad.
Shaun: Yolanda?
Yolanda: Present!
Shaun: Just checking. Ed, how are you?
Ed: I’m way ahead of you, Shaun.
Shaun: What? We’ve brought in a douche translator, since Rose is not fluent in douche, and that’s Ed’s only language. Okay Ed, go ahead.
Ed: Shaun, this is a cell phone.
David: I have one of those.
Ed: This is a cell phone, Shaun.
Shaun: Okay.
Translator: Rose, that is a cell phone being held by a douchebag.
Ed: She wanted me back, and for me to come see her. I was wiling to give up my life and my daughter to go back to the fill-a-peens.
Rose: He always forget I dump him.
Ed: Again, do you see this cell phone? YOU WERE WITH A WOMAN.
Rose: Yes, we were broken up. Dating someone else is what happen next.
Ed: A-HA! I KNEW IT! And a WOMAN. No offense or anything, but A WOMAN.
Translator: He has a problem with you being bisexual, and problems in general.
Stephanie: I mean, I really am bisexual, but go ahead and make it all about you, Rose, SELFISH! EGOTISTICAL!
Ed: LOOK AT THIS PHONE STEPHANIE.
Danielle: You need a binder for evidence. I’m just saying.
Rose: He wanted a second chance.
Ed: This is absurd. It’s preposterous that a man about town such as myself would be reduced to longing for an attractive 20-something way out of my league.
Shaun: Let’s bring Ed’s daughter Tiffany out so we can see if she’s as detached from reality as her father.
Tiffany: Hi Shaun, I really am. My dad just said he would ditch me for Rose (again) on national television. Can we pretend I’m not 30?
Shaun: Sure, why not?
Ed: If I squeeze my cheeks my eyes squirt water, and then sympathies happen.
Translator: Ed apologizes by making people feel sorry for him so they protect him like a child.
Ed: I’ve learned my lesson.
Translator: No he hasn’t.
Shaun: Tiffany, do you have any questions for Rose? $50 bonus if you can phrase it like a pointless accusation.
Tiffany: Yes, I’d like to inexplicably attack Rose now.
Rose: Well...
Tiffany: Don’t take a tone with me!
Rose: What?
Tiffany: Ooo looks like I struck a nerve.
Rose: What?
Translator: I’m sorry Rose, they are douching so fast I can barely keep up.
Tiffany: But you LIED about SO MANY THINGS. You hid so much!
Rose: He set a trap for me. I tell him I’m sad, he tries to get me to take my clothes off for money on a video call. Your dad is creep.
Tiffany: Can we not talk about his history with sexual harassment?
Ed: That’s ridiculous, which you can tell by the photos on my wall.
Shaun: Should I bring up the STD test?
Paul: You rang?
Shaun: Um. Now the hairy legs thing?
Ed: I live in Southern California, where I’m surrounded by beautiful, wealthy women who don’t want to have sex with me. I notice their legs a lot when I’m clinging to their ankles.
Rose: You embarrass me and hurt me. You are always liar.
Ed: I’ll always love you and Prince.
Angela: That’s another lie. LYING AGIN!
Shaun: Can we get the translator to explain?
Translator: Yes, what Ed means is that he wants to have sex with Rose again, and thinks that could happen if he acknowledges her child in an empty way.
Darcey: I’m really feeling what Rose is going through, because I’ve dated Jesse and Tom and been myself all my life.
Tom: What was that, fatty?
Darcey: Ed, you’ve got to stop chipping away at her.
Ed: I’m going to try and make it about her lying, because no one saw this season!
Darcey: You lied about wanting kids, you asshole.
Avery: Let me open up my book of reflective listening. Ed, have you struggled to communicate with people all your life?
Ed: Yes, but it’s everyone else.
Avery: Can you hold these two electrodes in your hands? This is called “auditing” and is a really important part of —
Darcey: I have a magic barrette that will grant you three wishes.
Rose: Yes, I will take that please.
Ed: I lied about my height. I’m going to pretend that’s it.
Baby Girl Lisa: TAG ME IN TAG ME IN! I’m coming for you, Ed.
Big Ed: I’m too dumb to hide!
BGL: You used that poor soul. You’ve cut your own throat with American women.
Ed: Was that a throat joke?
Tom: I’ve got a fat joke.
BGL: There isn’t an American woman alive you’re going to be dating. I’ve got 50 mens who want to marry me and 300 Yahoo boys on hold.
Usman: Yes, I have heard these numbers.
Ed: I’m going to deflect and make this about Lisa having unprotected sex.
Shaun: I’m asleep.
BGL: LISTEN TO ME, ED. Let me tell you something, before any hotdog gets tossed down my hallway I check what is tucked in the bun!
Tom: I’m drunk!
David: Ed didn’t go over there to get married. He went over there for ass.
Ed: Don’t you fact at me!
Shaun: Let’s move on. This may come as a surprise to some of our viewers at home, but there is some debate over whether Williams is British.
Everyone: No there isn’t.
Yolanda: He sounds like Usman! I didn’t know Usman was from Manchester! Do you know Williams?
Shaun: What were you thinking when you weren’t thinking?
Yolanda: Thinking went right into my DMs on the Instagram.
David: Social media is a scam. Only trust paid apps. I’m proof of that.
Shaun: Cara, are you okay?
Cara: That’s a nope from me, Shaun.
Shaun: Lets bring in Scott Hunter, PI, to say nothing of substance in cop voice.
Scott Hunter, PI: Yes, what we have here is a computer. Now a computer is used to log in to what Al Gore calls “the internet.” We believe the perp accessed said internet from an Internet café, which is something that is found in The Europe.
David: Man, PIs are always a waste of money.
Usman: I don’t believe this man is from Nigeria, and by that I mean not from my tribe. Definitely a different tribe. That isn’t mine, or any other tribes in Nigeria.
PI: Are you also a PI? Yolanda does not appear to have access to maps. In my world we call maps a clue. These can also be found on the internet, which is inside this computer.
BGL: Look, I am an expert. I’ve been interneting since America Online interrupted phone calls. I installed it with a series of floppy disks. Then I turned the crank and held an antennae out the window, and if lightning struck at just the right time, boom, internet.
Shaun: Have you been scammed in the past, Lisa?
Lisa: No, only in the present.
Shaun: Well Yolanda, can we have one more shot of you looking at your phone in confusion?
Yolanda: Well I’ll try to call him, but sometimes someone answers and asks why I’m calling information, and I say where’s Williams, because aren’t they supposed to know?
Usman: Let’s see if my phone is going to ring. Yes, I am killing it with the zingers tonight! Yolanda, this is something that sense cannot take. How can someone be playing you this much? And how much did I miss out on by not playing you instead?
Yolanda: IT’S RINGING! I miss him, I do.
Cara: Goddammit.
Yolanda: I didn’t give him any money…that you know about.
Cara: Power of attorney is a beautiful thing.
Shaun: Let’s takes a look at Erika and Stephanie’s shared misery.
Steph: All I know is that it isn’t my fault.
Erika: It wasn’t about the dating ap on my phone, it was about Steph’s insecurities and the shit I found on HER phone. You cut that part, you filthy editors.
Steph: That was instagram, so it doesn’t count.
Erika: Oh, it was business? It was NETWORKING? REALLY?
Steph: Whoa, I had to pause for a second to recalibrate my bullshit. This is still your fault, somehow.
Shaun: Let’s bring out Erika’s friend Jessica for some reason.
Jessica: Erika is a free spirit, and Steph is a constipated one.
Shaun: Let’s bring out Heather and Sanders, since they pretended to play tennis with Stephanie once.
Heather: ‘Scuse me, esCUSE me, yeah, I been drunking since eleven-teen, okay? BITCH. I’m who Stephanie hangs out with on Friday night when she says she’s eating cheese. So I KNOW THINGS.
Erika: I’m sure you’re used to yelling, since you’re Steph’s only friend.
Jessica: Heather let her talk. WTF is this segment about?
Heather: I’M ITALIAN! Dunna be tryin to NO! NO!
Erika: There are all these things I want to say, and I can’t say them because this drunk twat is yelling through my segment.
Sanders: Well, you can tell by my pursed lips that I’m the saucy friend. It seems like you have a lot of secrets, ERIKA.
Erika: What are my secretes?
Sanders: Oh, there’s a lot SWEETIE. How much am I living my best Mean Girls life right now?
Heather: We should start a burn book and OF COURSE MY NAME IS HEATHER! (Wine spill.)
Erika: You were not there. I gave that bitch my phone.
Sanders: I am still fighting for relevancy.
Shaun: Steph, people call you a fake bisexual.
Heather: I can’t get my face to lie right!
Steph: I get attacked for not being a certain way, and let me talk around this question.
Jessica: That’s nice, but I think everyone thinks that you’re not bisexual because it seems like you’re not into girls. You didn’t give anything a chance.
Steph: Well, I hate to bring up my illness…
Shaun: No you don’t.
Erika: When you’re dating someone, you usually act like you’re dating someone.
Stephanie: No, I was distant for your benefit.
Erika: What?
Heather: Get em off me, get em OFF ME! Fucking BEES GODDAMMIT IT.
Erika: Every time Steph, you put it back on me.
Heather: QUARANTINE AND WINE. CALLING IT FOR MY BAND NAME.
Steph: You’re scary. This is my baby voice. Doesn’t it make me sound blameless?
Ed: Trying calling yourself a dummy.
Steph: No, I’m not bad. Giggle.
Shaun: Did you see why Erika was confused about who you are?
Steph: No. She thought I was like my videos, but if you go to my youtube channel and watch more of my videos, THEN you’ll know who I am.
Translator: What Stephanie is saying is that she feels guilty for leading Erika on, and is looking for a way it’s Erika’s fault so she doesn’t have to look at herself.
Steph: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER NEEDED THANK YOU!
Translator: Steph is used to yelling over opinions that don’t match her own.
Steph: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?
Translator: I’m afraid I’m an unstoppable force, Stephanie. My douche translation doesn’t stop until the douchebaggery does. Clearly I’ll be here all day.
Steph: I thought Erika watched more of my videos than she had. Have I mentioned my youtube channel? And what’s my dad’s name?
Erika: What?
Steph: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO INTERVIEW ME AND KNOW I WANTED TO BE INTERVIEWED GAWD!
Erika: Do you see what I’ve been through?
Steph: You’re a very self-centered person, because your self doesn’t revolve around me. Egotistical, narcissistic, yes I’ve got names and I don’t know why you’re the enemy all of a sudden GAWD!
Erika: My time was wasted. Every bisexual woman in three countries is dropping into my DMs though, so that helps. Steph, can you take responsibility for anything?
Steph: No. Just go to my youtube channel this Friday to tune into my talk about narcissism. Or go to my instagram, where you’ll find my performative donation receipt so people can see how fucking humble I am! JUST GO TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL SHAUN IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU NARCISSIST.
Shaun: Whoa, what just happened here?
Tom: Hello.
Raina: I’ll be the drunk friend now. I have signs.
Tom: I was serious about Darcey. She should know this by that text message on her birthday. Darcey: I have a revenge body EVERY REUNION.
Shaun: Why did you meet her in New York?
Tom: I wanted to see if something was still there.
Translator: He wanted to have sex with Darcey one more time. Shannon was the love of his life for exactly three weeks.
Raina: You know what I think about that? Check out this vomit emoji I’m now holding in front of my face.
Everyone: Can we have some of these to use at home? She’s got to have an Etsy…
Lisa: This makes me angry for some reason.
Shaun: Raina, is there any way we could prominently feature you in an upcoming season?
Raina: I’ll hold up both of my emoji masks for that one.
Shaun: We have a letter from Shannon. She says she thought Tom was single.
Tom: GET AVERY OFF THE SCREEN. I AM SO DRAMATIC YOU WANT ME BACK FOR ANOTHER SEASON. SAY IT SHAUN.
Shaun: Yeah, I’m not gonna say that. Now that Tom has stormed off for what will probably be two minutes, tops, Avery what happened?
Avery: Tom hit on me, and sent selective parts of my text messages to Ash.
Darcey: Yeah, he’s definitely trying to get another season.
Steph: The number one thing that turns me off is —
Ed: Air?
Lisa: Other people?
Erika: Women?
David: Massage oil?
Usman: Lisa?
Tom: I’m back, smoking and edgy.
Ash: I lied to Avery about the screenshot thing, okay. I don’t know why she thinks I’m a liar. My feelings were hurt, so everything I did was fine. Avery: This fucking guy…
Tom: Don’t get a British man angry, or I swear I’ll wrinkle this coat and keep wearing it anyway. I didn’t really ask Avery out when I asked her out, but I also asked Stephanie out because she’s hot, and Lisa out because she’s very attractive. I will do anything for another season. Anything.
Yolanda: Well why didn’t you ask me out? I’m still waiting for Williams, but he might get jealous if I were dating Harry Potter. Can you fake a British accent?
Lisa: I’m going to stand up for Tom, because other fee-males are what’s unreasonable.
Shaun: Darcey, are you going to give Tom another season?
Darcey: Fuck that, I’m moving on to my next international affair. Spin that wheel of dicks and see where it lands!
Shaun: Now Lisa, your storyline happened.
Lisa: Me and Usman didn’t break up, we just blocked each other.
Shaun: Some people would call that a breakup.
Lisa: Some people are bullheaded Shaun, and also wrong.
Ed: I’m just being honest when I say —
Lisa: WTF do you know about honesty? And what the fuck do you know about PANTS Ed?
Ed: You treated him like a goat.
Lisa: You’re the goat!
Paul: I thought I was the GOAT? Oh, you mean like, a farm animal. Right. I’ll just run back into the jungle.
Usman: This porn star I was talking to had 2.3M followers. Of course I will repost anything she says.
Shaun: Did you say something about a 2nd wife?
Usman: Yes, I would like one please.
Lisa: I knew about this. Here in the US, this person doesn’t count.
Usman: If Lisa can’t have a child, I’ll add another wife, period.
Angela: But what if she can tote it and just needs ya egg?
Lisa: This is not happening.
Usman: Why do you have male strippers on facebook if my porn star is problem?
Lisa: No, I have them running through my feed so they can advertise through the states.
Everyone: What?
Avery: Can we go back to this second wife thing? You have a hard time with emojis but you’re communal with your husband’s penis?
Lisa: Well she’s not legally a wife and would live somewhere else, so.
Shaun: Wait — Usman, you’re not planning to live in the states?
Usman: No. Do you see what is happening in your country?
Shaun: David, you poor bastard.
David: Yeah.
Shaun: You’re in tears, but I’m still smiling.
Ed: I’ve never been on a paid website that isn’t porn.
David: She still uses the website. For networking. I know she’s not scamming me.
Ed: But I define your relationship, David.
David: I can easily afford it, so gargle my balls.
Shaun: Did you find her in a catalog though?
David: Yes, I’ve been shopping for a spouse in the Ukraine for a very long time.
Shaun: What happened with the iPhone?
David: She said it slid right out of her pocket and down a sewage drain. She furiously waved her hands over the grate for minutes, before numbly surrendering to this great loss.
Ed: Now I’m going to laugh at another man’s pain.
David: Shut up before I roll you down the lane and knock down every pin with these bowling trophy guns.
Tom: Is that a fat joke? Cause I’m here for the fat jokes.
David: No, it’s a hair joke, because with all that mayo he’s going to take a lubricated journey down the center of the lane. The cleaning fees are going to be astronomical, but I can afford it.
Steph: I’M THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO YELL EGOTISTICAL SELFISH PEOPLE!
Ed: I’m so compassionate!
David: Yeah, I’m leaving.
Shaun: Let’s randomly bring out Cesar, who everyone knows is an actor.
Cesar: Sure, I have opinions.
Erika: I couldn’t say anything I wanted to say, but you have time for Cesar?
David: Yeah, I talked to Maria for about 30 minutes about five years ago. I’ve talked to over a thousand women on that site. You see, that’s how chatting on the internet works.
Stephanie: Look, women over there are cold. I know, because I’m from over there.
David: We are not together right now, but we are still engaged. Right now is not the future, and also she still has my ring.
Cara: Can you ask my mom out? She doesn’t know how to use an iPhone, either.
Yolanda: Seven years? Are you saying I could talk to Williams for that long without ever seeing him?
Cara: No mom, NO!
Shaun: Thanks everyone for participating! I’m sure we’ll see most of you on a forthcoming season of Happily Ever After.
Thank you, Patreon supporters!
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2020.05.14 13:14 we-feed-the-fire By request: My Recap of the Leaked Tell-All video.

A slow descent into madness: an exhaustive recap of the tell all leak
Supposedly the leaked video (clocking in at 10+ hours) was the second day filming.
I watched the entire thing. This is a rambling list of the thoughts going through my mind while watching, and a fairly comprehensive timeline / summary of events, or at least the juiciest parts. I believe it becomes fairly obvious when my mental state started to decline - I was well into the 5th hour by then.
Part 1: David
The show begins an hour into the video.
A lot of time was spent on David. Asking David the same questions, hoping he’d get a clue. Instead he doubled down on his delusion.
David started in this endeavor by going on two trips with a friend over 20 years ago. He states he did not like it - 25 guys meeting 400 women in a big bar. He said it was horrible - he called the women aggressive and professional daters. He went on another trip with 10 guys meeting maybe 40 women in different cities. He describes receiving catalogs of women and selecting specific ones to meet on the trip. A friend he met on one of these trips introduced him to a web site in 2007.
Lana does not work for the web site or get paid. According to David, the web sites are US sites, they contract through the agency that vets the “girls”. He insists Lana derives no income from the web site or agency. It’s illegal for him to contact her directly? He pays in order to not be scammed.
He has known Lana for 7 years. She was too young at the start - he won’t “date” anyone under 25. He wasn’t talking to Lana for 2.5 years. He’s “dated” 30 girls in Ukraine when he wasn’t talking to Lana. He’s been to Ukraine 20 times. He’s been engaged twice to women over there (and twice in America.)
David says Lana is very poor. Has very few clothes and possessions. She only has five pairs of shoes and gets a new pair of sneakers every 3 years or so. She doesn’t speak English. He bought her an iPhone to talk directly but she doesn’t like the keyboard because of her long fingernails. She can’t talk directly to him on the computer because the agency owns the laptop and monitors activity.
He’s spent $250,000 to $300,000 on “dating” on these sites. He claims he’s a millionaire so the money is no object.
Friends of David appear, say their piece, then disappear.
Cesar appears. David had talked to Maria years ago. Said she was high maintenance.
Yolanda and Usman join in. Usman has poor connection. Usman leaves.
A wild Tom appears. Tom compliments Yolanda’s weight loss. Says he’s not hitting on her, just complimenting her.
Tom doesn’t watch much of the show. Says David is his “fast forward couple”.
Cesar says he visited Maria. Maria wasn’t happy he showed up. But she met him, they took photos, she asked to see his phone and he realized later she deleted the photos. They spent 10 days together, he got a couple of pecks on the cheek and lips? But no intimacy. Specified no tongue. Maria was “pissed off” that he showed up, refused to meet Cesar if the cameras were there. Wanted him to buy her a $500 pair of shoes and $300 dinner.
Tom asks if he packed the chocolate panties. Cesar said he took the beaded candy ones.
Yolanda said Cesar DMd her and left his phone number. Cesar says Yolanda is beautiful and that he “loves chocolate” with a Pervy laugh. But he says he was just reaching out as friends. Shaun asks Cesar if he DMs Tom. Tom confirms that he did, and that the alumni reach out to each other.
Shaun asks Yolanda if she would date Cesar, she replies with an emphatic no.
David went back to Ukraine and met Lana. They kissed, no other intimacy. He proposed, she accepted (they show clips.) Lana is still on the dating sites. David is still on the dating sites because Lana is. Lana is still on the site because that’s where her only friends are, David basically describes her as a shut in with no friends.
At one point later in the show he drops the bombshell “love has nothing to do with it.”
Ed appears. He’s holding Teddy (against the dog’s will) on his lap. Ed shouts into his mic. He yells repeatedly about David being scammed for the better part of 18 minutes.
David gets excitable. Yells about this being bullshit. Yells at Tom that Darcey was still talking to other guys.
The current status of the relationship? David thinks they’re not together. He hasn’t communicated with Lana in 6 days. But their engagement hasn’t been broken. So they’re engaged but no longer together?
Lana refuses to participate because she’s getting hate mail from guys who have seen the show accusing her of being a scammer.
Stephanie appears.
Stephanie says she thinks it’s disgusting that Lana is being discussed like she’s a commodity. Points out that their relationship is transactional. David and Ed are screaming at each other over her. Stephanie Commends David for not worrying about spending $100,000 while Ed freaked out about spending $2.
A clip of David proposing to Lana with a prop fake ring shows. David says the jeweler advises not buying a real diamond because he didn’t know her ring size. Says she wants to choose her own ring.
Return to Ed and David arguing.
Usman appears.
David is getting heated.
Bottom Line: David’s retiring to move to Ukraine, but started the K1 process.
Shaun wraps the segment with David still arguing at the 3-hour mark. Shaun leaves (possibly to drink heavily - I would be if I was her.) I forgot to note that at some point Tom made a remark to Ed about him not being able to see his toes. It was a joke, but went completely missed by everyone else.
David, Ed, Stephanie and Usman chit chat. Usman sings a bit.
Part 2: Yolanda
We resume at 3:30 with Yolanda.
Yolanda had the flu at the beginning of December. She was in a coma for a month and was on a ventilator for 3 weeks. Her kidneys and liver were failing. Her doctor now believes she had Covid-19.
She did not hear from Williams during that time. She heard from him just a couple of months ago. She didn’t tell him about her coma, he was talking about his aunt dying so it “didn’t come up.”
He didn’t reach out directly, he went through “sweetberry” (?) on Instagram to ask if he could contact her again.
Yolanda’s daughter and a PI the daughter hired join in. PI says the accounts have ties to Nigerian scammers.
Usman joins. He knows nothing about Nigerian scammers, doubts they’re Nigerian.
Usman leaves. Darcey joins. She’s wearing a platinum blonde wig, primping a bit, trying to center herself on the bed she’s sitting on. She’s nodding along to absolutely nothing, shaking her head and smiling periodically like she’s involved in a totally different conversation than we are seeing.
Daughter and PI leave. Shaun asks Darcey what she thinks about Yolanda and Williams. Darcey goes into a spiel about being a target and people on IG preying on her. Starts talking about Jesse and Tom. Says she spent a lot of money on Jesse, says she helped Tom financially and bought him clothes and gifts. Goes into a tangent of non-specific items, won’t provide a direct answer on how much she spent but finally claims she spent $2000 on Tom.
Erika appears.
Shaun tries to get back on the topic of Yolanda and Willams. Shaun asks Erika about her opinion on The Williams mystery IG account and the blackmail.
Darcey uses that opportunity to talk about being targeted by a “network of people” that was calculated by “people in different countries to target certain people around the world.”
“Maybe Nigeria was a part of it, Maybe England was a part of it”. After Tom, Darcey says she met someone who targeted her, says it was a couple she knew and Tom was a part of it, says IP addresses traced to Nottingham and there’s a network of people targeting women around the world.
Darcey claims her second time in Amsterdam she was robbed while shopping after Jesse told her to leave her passport if she was going out shopping. Later says pickpocketed. Implies that the robbery was a setup by Jesse.
Shaun tries to redirect the subject back to Yolanda and Williams.
Lisa appears.
Lisa jumps right in with her expertise about Yahoo Boys, G-Men and grooming people. Darcey drops off and Usman reappears.
Lisa’s gravelly voice takes on a fake Nigerian accent as they yell “baby love” at each other.
Lisa goes on about her social media expertise. Explains the three different cultures of Nigeria. She tells Yolanda to join the Facebook Group SSA: Scamming Scammers Action that Lisa is a big part of.
They convince Yolanda to try to call Williams on speakerphone. No answer.
Lisa is also an expert in African and Nigerian accents FYI.
Erika leaves. David reappears.
Lisa dominates the conversation. Keeps recounting conversations and events of hackings and stuff.
Lisa starts talking about Blood Rituals. Sacrifices. Money rituals. Voodoo dolls. Kidnappings. Killing people to bring luck in scamming people. They believe in black magic and juju. Lisa and Usman keep interrupting each other. Usman has never heard of this. Lisa insists this is real. Go to SSA on Facebook, all the proof is there.
Yolanda, David and Shaun are stunned silent.
Usman is trying to fact check Lisa’s completely far-fetched theories. Lisa purses her beak.
Finally, Shaun redirects.
Yolanda says she’s done. If she hears from Williams again she’s done.
Yolanda is getting DMs all the time offering to FaceTime her. David tells her to go get her Groove back in Jamaica. Yolanda and David both get DMs encouraging them to hook up since they’re both in Vegas.
We are 5 hours 10 minutes in. Let’s see a clip! We see Lana before she met David. She’s at the gym. She’s walking around Kiev in a silver puffer jacket and Nikes. She using her iPhone (with her short nails) to take pictures. She’s shopping for makeup. She’s sipping a latte in a cafe while typing on her laptop. She’s talking to a friend on her iPhone. She talks about America. She knows that you can get married quickly in Las Vegas. She tells her friend she has an exciting day tomorrow “I’m meeting an American.” Her friend asks if he’s wealthy.
Shaun points out the inconsistencies in Lana’s apparent poverty and David’s understanding of her circumstances. David says “that’s not real”.
We spent the next 10 minutes or so with Yolanda, Usman, Lisa and Shaun trying to talk some sense into David. It doesn’t work.
Shaun leaves for a break.
Ash appears. We spend the next while discussing quarantine. Ash hadn’t heard about Yolanda being sick, his eyes get wide when he hears her coma tale.
They’re talking about lockdowns and restrictions and being able to go where you want. David thinks they’re talking about Ash being able to visit the US on his Australian passport.
Lisa’s ex-husband just got out of prison.
David lives in a rental house that’s being sold in a month.
Yolanda asks if people read their tweets.
Lisa has a stalker with 25 accounts. Lisa now has her phone number and address. She’s going to have her arrested and “put charges against her”.
David gets death threats.
Back to Yolanda and the Covid.
David leaves.
Tom returns. He asks how many bottles of lube Lisa and Usman used raw dogging it. She said none - I’m guessing she just peed on him a la Dinyell.
More R-rated banter. Lisa tells Tom to ask about Usman refusing to join the mile high club.
Ash looks stunned into silence. Maybe a bit frightened. He’s retreated to his nothing box.
Usman tries to explain about the 70%, that it’s a B and a compliment. Tom asks why she paid twice the going rate for a goat.
Lots of goat talk. Peeing goat talk. Showering the goat. Walking in sandals through mud and goat shit.
Tom makes a crack about not being the only cast members showering with animals. Ash asks about Ed showering with Rosemarie’s father? Then his feed goes out.
Lisa starts talking about gross food. Tom are goat brain in Albania. Lisa starts everything with “Usman, tell them about the time...” then just talks over him to tell the story herself.
Stephanie appears.
Ed appears.
Usman leaves. Lisa tells them about the armed convoy everywhere they went. Ed wants to know about the goat. More goat tales.
7 hour 10 minute mark.
Part 3: Lisa and Usman
Shaun is back with Lisa and Usman. We lose Usman.
Lisa had surgery.
She hurt her baby toe before going to Nigeria. Ruptured a blood vessel. It swelled up in Africa. Returned to the US with a dead/dying toe. Got infected, went gangrenous, was amputated.
Usman returns.
The next segment is insufferable.
Usman says Lisa calls him a N***** frequently. Lisa screams about opening a can of worms.
Usman asks if American women are all like this.
Lisa and Usman are married but keep blocking each other.
Lisa is Usman’s first serious relationship.
Lisa freaks out about women on Usman’s comments and in his DMs.
Says she’s seen the other girls Usman dated, they’re “3 times my size”.
They fight about Trish Playtas.
Lisa talks over Usman. Yells, curses, threatens.
Enter Giant and Aba (?) after 25 minutes of toxic bullshit.
Lisa talks about getting “gangbanged”. (I think she means ganged up on, but she’s so cringe who can tell.)
Lisa has a screaming match. Hangs up because she was “mistreated and disrespected”.
Enter Lisa’s friend Nikki.
Nikki screams about disrespect for the next forever. Lisa returns.
There’s endless raspy screeching about bitches, clowns, motherfuckers and more disrespect. Fuck you. Fuck outta here.
Shaun loses all control.
Aba and Nikki scream at each other some more.
Shaun gives up. She is writing something just below the screen. I suspect it’s her resignation letter.
Finally Shaun redirects the conversation. She brings up the polygamy.
If Lisa has an egg and can tote it, Usman doesn’t want another wife. If Lisa can’t squat and hatch Usman’s offspring, he will take another wife.
Cue Lisa’s expertise on polygamy.
Clip Roll: the night before the wedding, Lisa storms off and disrespects Usman’s brothers the night before the wedding.
Lisa cackles.
Avery and Ed appear.
Usman and Lisa keep arguing.
Shaun asks Avery’s perception. Avery asks “where is the love?” All she sees is them screaming over each other and assert themselves.
Before Lisa can respond Ed jumps in.
Lisa calls the kettle black and says Avery and Ed aren’t portrayed well.
Ed started to watch the show after he decided to be on it.
Ed compliments Usman for being calm and respectful and not using any foul words.
Lisa Cackles. Ed calls her a bull in a china shop “no disrespect”. Says he thought she was the definition of a narcissist, but says she’s actually the definition of delusional.
Lisa interrupts. Usman starts singing. Lisa and Ed scream over each other. Lisa tells Avery to shut up, says she went on Ed’s live drunk and making an ass of herself. Ed keeps screaming “delusional”. Lisa calls Avery a drunk. Avery tells Usman “not all American women are like that”, Lisa rebounds with “that’s why Ash dumped your ass.” Ed tells Usman there are many more nicer women.
Ed: she treated you like a piece of shit. She treated you like a slave.
Lisa: you are a piece of shit!
Ed: you made America Sick!
Lisa: Ed Fuck You! Fuck You!
Lisa: you abused Rose to go on this show because no fucking other woman would! You fucking used her (x 5). Shut the fuck up.
More screaming over each other.
Usman begs Ed to calm down.
Lisa: you’re going to let this fucking pervert who’s got charges for sexual harassment... you’re going to let this idiot come at me with the fucking charges he’s got? This fucking pervert has been grooming women. The women are coming out of the woodwork saying Ed has molested them, he’s groomed them, and god only knows what the fuck else he did to them.
More screaming.
Ed: the internet is fake!
Lisa: Harry (producer) remove these two right now!
Lisa calls them Thing 1 and Thing 2 and demands Harry remove them.
Ed gets cut.
Lisa continues to scream at Avery about glass houses.
Tom appears.
Usman is yelling now.
Shaun tries to gain control.
Tom: I was nervous delivering that letter to Darcey but coming in to this conversation is wild!
Shaun brings up the polygamy subject again.
Lisa might move to Nigeria for The Other Way.
Shaun disappears.
Avery drops.
Lisa says “Tom, this is all for show. It’s a dog and horse, pony show I call it.”
Tom blows smoke up her ass. His idea of love is apparently jealousy, anger and disrespect. He says it’s obvious they love each other because apparently only people truly in love can be that hateful and vicious and angry to each other.
Shaun is back. Darcey appears. Usman is singing. Darcey is swaying to Soja Boy, slurring, “do it big! Lisa, Be the queen!”
Darcey’s been in the sauce.
Usman tells Lisa to cover her bra.
More second wife talk.
Tom asks a question about what kind of second wife Usman would have. Darcey says something. Shaun asks Lisa a question. Usman freaks out and screams “Tom asked me a question, let me answer the question”. This leads to Lisa screaming at Shaun about disrespecting Usman, screams at the producer “you better tell this hostess to shut her mouth” shut up! Shut up!”
Usman keeps yelling. Shaun trying to calm everyone.
Lisa: Barb! Barb! Barb! Do you hear me? It’s time to cut her now! Barb! Cut her now! Barb! Cut the fucking thing, cut it now! She’s disrespecting Usman! Fucking stop it! Stop it barb! Fuck off!
Darcey looks like a confused bobble head.
Lisa hangs up.
Usman and Darcey talk about Trish Playtas.
Darcey: things are don’t differently in America, I’ve been in the entertainment industry way before Tom, way before Jesse.
Usman starts to explain going live with Trish.
Lisa returns.
Part 4: Wrap Ups and “where does your relationship stand?”
Shaun turns to Darcey and Tom, asks where the future of their relationship is. Lisa and Usman respond loudly, not letting them talk.
Finally, Lisa and Usman are gone.
Tom: friends maybe blah blah blah great mom, good person, wish you the best.
Darcey: my journey, my daughters, my brother who passed blah blah blah don’t want toxic negativity
Ash and Avery return: same question
Ash is worried about his hair being cut off on the screen.
Ash started the journey with the intent to propose. Says he loves her. Breaking up was the hardest thing. Future is going to be looking after his family.
Ash answers the question in a concise, straight forward manner.
Just kidding. He uses a lot of words to absolutely avoid answering anything.
Avery says this is a hard question to ask someone who just separated. She trails off. I think... I don’t... I wanted... honestly...
Erika and Stephanie return: where do you stand?
Not even friends. Can they ever be friends?
Stephanie says best case is friends from afar.
Erika says they’ve been friends and fought many many times. She came in today wanting to speak and wasn’t able to do that, but doesn’t hold any hate. It’s going to be hard to see any of this in a positive light.
Erika didn’t get a change to express that she took a big step coming out to her parents then Stephanie dumped her the next morning.
Stephanie came out to her mom too apparently, but it wasn’t like Erika’s coming out (receptive and kind).
Pick up lines:
Asking what they’ve been doing during the quarantine, will air at the beginning of the show.
(Erika makes earrings!)
Shaun has to rephrase the question to Stephanie to ask specifically about... HER ILLNESS!
Bet you didn’t see that one coming.
Yolanda wrap up: no more online dating. She’s going to meet men at the market or the casino. Old school.
Ed wrap up: who cares.
Ok. I guess we do.
Shaun asks about the shower. I just can’t listen to him anymore. Then she asks about the first night they were intimate. I’m going to barf.
Ed takes full responsibility for “not the things I did, but the way I did them”. Rose is mad at him right now. She wanted to reconcile February 9.
Ed is taking a break from dating (sorry ladies!) but Rose taught him to love again and “she didn’t destroy me like my first marriage did.”
His mom is moving in with him. But she’s a nurse so hasn’t moved in yet. Ed’s mom is a nurse caring for a young child with a tracheostomy.
Ed sucks, but a round of applause for Mother Ed is deserved.
David wrap up:
David is going to retire earlier than planned because of the recession resulting from the quarantine.
Shaun asks about the first kiss.
David says something about bowling. He bowls 4 strikes with Lana.
The girls in Ukraine love bowling but don’t get to do that. So he takes them. He bets kisses for every strike he bowls.
Lana is upset over the publicity from the show. Gets physically ill in front of the camera.
If she won’t come to the US or dumps him, he will live part time in the Ukraine - 3 months at a time - to continue dating women there.
It’s over. Thank God.
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2020.05.07 00:43 EricaShmericaOFF Before the 90 Days of Our Lives, Episode 11

Prince Joffrey & Varya: After their camping experience with Igor, the couple went to a "banya" (No, not the comedian who loves Ovaltine) a rustic looking Russian bathhouse. They put on tulip-shaped felt hats and layed down naked in the sauna while beating each other with bundles of tree branches...it was kind of like a "50 Shades of Adam and Eve" type of thing going on. When in Siberia! Next, the couple went skinny dipping in a lake behind the banya, wearing nothing but the felt dunce caps and nipple tats (luckily they go with everything). After the dip, still naked, they continued their serious conversation about their relationship and where they saw things going. Joffrey felt very positively about their connection, and Varya responded with "You dazzle me", which she was directing exclusively towards the nipple tats. After all of the banya shenanigans, we saw a fully clothed Joffrey and Varya strolling through the Siberian wilderness, drinks in hand, as they stopped at a picnic bench to discuss their relationship ups and downs. He explained that they had been through a range of emotions on this one visit, and he feels like they have such a strong connection. It was then that Joffrey got down on one knee and popped the question!! Varya's answer?? Znippletatz. To be continued....
BGL & Assman: Back on the side of the road, somewhere in Sokoto, BGL is still flipping off Assman as their power struggle continues. He tells her he's a Housa man and he needs to be in control, but BGL explains housabout you realize you're marrying an American woman, and it needs to be 50/50 (though she seems to be okay settling for his 60/40 split). Eventually they make up, and head back to the Sokoto Motor Murder Lodge to gather their belongings as it's time to move on. In the next scene we see BGL casually eating french fries with a fork in a corner of the chalet suite, as the taxi pulled up to take them to the airport. Babylove claimed to be unimpressed with Usman's hometown, as they set off on the hopefully more impressive next leg of their adventure. (It's hard to imagine how she could be unimpressed with Barney, who's hopefully still in the front yard).They made a pit stop at a gas station where Babylove reminds Sojaboytoy that he hasn't serenaded her yet for the day (I guess she requires one personally sung song/day, perks of being a momager). He performs on command, singing into his phone via selfie stick, as the hit single "I go dey for you" plays in the background while we watch them board their flight to Abuja. Once they arrived at their destination, the hopeful fiances sat down with the marriage registrar to file paperwork (hmmm this looks like a familar storyline....). The registrar informed Lisa that she would need her divorce papers in order to file for their marriage license, which was Assman's responsibility, as he was tasked with finding out what paperwork was necessary to make the Lusman wedding (their celebrity couple name) happen. ("The Lusman Wedding" sounds like a Jewish wedding that would take place in a hall in Short Hills, NJ......or Nigeria. For the guests, there is a block of rooms reserved at the Sokoto Murder Motor Lodge with complimentary shower buckets and thankfully Barney is not Kosher.) Hopefully next week we will be saying Mazel tov to the newlyweds!
Stephanie & Erika not Shmerika: After getting along for one episode, the girls decide it's time to make things facebook official and tell Erika's parents they are bisexual. Kudos to Stephanie for being one of the only cast members to bring a gift for her potential mother in law (she didn't even need to stop at a Goat market or pick weeds on the side of the road). Erika's parents Simon and Jayne seem like a lot of fun, as they chat with the girls over some Choineese food (love the accents) and ask about what they've been up to on their trip. Simon specifically asked if they had encountered any koalas or kangaroos (thank you Simon for mentioning the damn koalas). Erika explained they were having fun and then segued into the topic of Steph being her pahtnah, which her paeents seemed unphased by. After the "coming out" love fest, they were on such a roll they decided they should tell Steph's mum next. Looks like next week they are back to fighting, being uncomfortable and brightly colored outfits.
Big Egg & Rosemarie's baby: It started out as beautiful Palawanian morning, until we saw Ed and Rose in the Sheridan pool. They were playfully swimming and getting close to each other (though I could've lived the rest of my life without seeing those close up underwater shots). After pool time, they sat down so that Ed could come clean to Rose that he did not want more children. Rosemarie seemed shocked and hurt that Ed didnt want to be her baby daddy, since he has never mentioned it previously in their extensive 3 month online relationship, and she was even more confused by his description of a vasectomy. She gives him the death stare as he asks "Do you still love me?" Ed woke up the next morning, alone in his underwear, as Rosemary had run off....presumably to the continental breakfast, stuck in the line for the waffle maker. After searching, calling, and sending up the Rose signal, Ed decided to wait outside in a hot pink shirt so if Rose was in the vicinity, she couldn't miss him. She eventually surfaces, looking serious and sad. She lays out all of Ed's extra-shortcomings, ranging from lying about his height, to the embarrassment of the STD testing, to insulting her dragon breath, and then says she is done with him belittling her. Rose leaves Big Egg scrambling to find words, but without luck. Now we have to wait until next week to see if Rose chose Big Egg over fertilized eggs.
Darcy & Thomas: Darcey puts on her casual, comfortable pleather pants to put together a "I dont care" package containing Tom's key, destination: Nottingham (good thing Lana didn't send David the key to HER house, or David might have walked in on that Ukranian man in the shower!) Tom explains his side of this non-story as "A tale of Two Darceys"; one that is loving, caring, wonderful and refers to all British men as her "007", and another side that no one can handle, who says "You never loved me, get out of my life you liar!" Though there may be a bit of truth to that, there is a sequel, "The Tale of Two Toms". "Thomas", who's an introspective, thoughtful British gentleman, and "Tommy" who makes fun of you like hes in junior high and calls you fat. If only Thomas and the best version of Darcey could align and leave the other two categorically done and dusted...... nah, still wouldnt work. We see Tom sitting in a bar in NYC, video chatting with his new girlfriend, who I'm pretty sure is Lana. He claims to have picked her up while working at Fashion Week, (which explains why Lana wasn't home when David showed up to her house! It all makes sense now!!) He tells her how terrible the unneccessary meetup and note journey through Connecticut were going, and how he just cant wait to see her soon. And then she sent him a sexy emoji and he said "Mmmmm".......
Yolander, party of one? Yolander? The reverse image search results are finally back from the lab after a whole week, and what do you know, Williams is a stock photo. Even after the photo evidence, Yolander refuses to believe Williams H. Macy is a catfish and wants to go halfsies with David on a private investigator (Rebecca's going to be working overtime this month). I've seen a few 90 Day petitions go around on the internet but I think we need one for stopping the catfish storylines. No more.
Avery & Ashtray: Ashole is still throwing his tantrum, as we see him and Avery try to work out their issues by the beach. Avery feels that Ashphault avoids hard questions and is starting to let his true self show after his crappy seminar. Ash feels as if hes being attacked, and that Avery just won't let anything go. He is shaking, and freaking out realizing that his seminar bomb was going to be televised and he would probably have a hard time getting new female customers, as everyone's blood sugar was at an all time low after last week. Avery was just focused on the the red flags and getting answers instead of being there for him, and he didn't even stop to ask see if she needed a sugar boost. Neither of them should hold a koala right now, they're too worked up.
David & his laptop: David returns stateside and is sharing tales of his Ukranian experience with his friend Jim, who is trying not to lose all respect for him. Unlike Lana, Mothra was waiting for David when he opened his front door to his late 80's bachelor pad. His entire house looked like he bought everything from the set of "Full House" estate sale. David explains to Jim that he wants to hire a private investigator to find out the truth about Lana. Jim tries to hit him (like a bunch of leaves at a banya) with reality, but David gets extremely defensive. He later on moves forward with hiring a P.I. (probably off of the same Ukranian dating site where he met Lana). He invited his Ukranian female friend (and obvious Dog The Bounty Hunter fan) over to translate the findings from the private investigator, which of course turned out to be that David was being scammed. He was combative and thought the only scam going on were these crazy hackers posting provocative pictures of poor Lana on multiple websites. Both his friend and the P.I. tried explaining the scam, but David refused to believe it. He knows hes been talking to "someone" all of these years, and now he need to find out who. In next week's preview, we saw him back at the airport, hopefully just dropping Yolander off for her flight to UKgeria to meet the stock photo. Waiting for my plot twist......
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2020.04.20 06:34 removalbot 04-20 04:34 - 'Paxful.com and staff willfully allowing nigerian scammers to launder money' (self.Bitcoin) by /u/PurseV2 removed from /r/Bitcoin within 168-178min

'''
The bulk of paxful trades are gift cards by nigerians and indians. Has paxful staff never questioned how nigerians manage to get usa giftcards considering they do not sell giftcards of such in nigeria. Paxful boasts high volume trades of giftcards bought in the usa from nigeria users yet they do not wander how the nigerians get their cards?
These nigerians scam USA residents through various methods such as online dating scams. They target vulnerable people and Paxful help them to launder thier money. What kind of business model is this? After trading on paxful for less than a month I have realised this. The owners have not realised this in the 5 years they have been open?
I have collected proof and I will be reporting this to news outlets in the near future. From nigerians uploading images of the chats they have with these vulnerable people accidently to them putting their paxful display picture as the person they have scammed.
Paxful is willingfully doing so. They know the source of the giftcards are from scams. Many articles written by Paxful acknowledge the nigerians and indians get their gift cards from "shady sources" but still allow them to be traded on the platfrom. Paxful claims to not allow gift card brokering (the selling of giftcards when you are not the original purchaser). However in their articles they acknowledge usa giftcards cannot be bought in nigeria, most of their trades are from nigerians trading usa giftcards.
Paxful ask for something simple in the event of a disagreement , for a picture of the card with trade chat in the background. Not one of the trades I was involved in a disagreement in was nigerian able to provide the information requested. This is because they cant! They cant ask their victims to do this for them as this would make their victims aware of the scams. Surely if it is a legit money transfer from a USA citizen to a Nigerian the Nigerian could ask their USA counterpart to log into their Paxful and provide the requested information.
I am calling for the investigation of Paxful staff and its CEO Ray Yussef. Many of your staff will be arrested when you are caught. Paxful staff you should consider leaving your job. Going to prison for a company that is making you participate in illegal money laundering will not be worth the prison sentence. I will be forwarding this story to many news outlets. I have collected evidence from trades I have done. Even if I myself am incriminated I will be happy that I have managed to hinder these scammers from bringing misery to hard working people's lives.
I POSTED THIS ORIGINALLY ON THE PAXFUL REDDIT PAGE. I WANT ANSWERS AS TO WHY THEY ALLOW THIS HOWEVER THEY TAKE DOWN ANYTHING THAT DOES NOT SUIT THEIR AGENDAS.
Edit:
[[link]3
This link provides an insight into just how much money laundering is happening on this platform.
[[link]4
^ If we reported the site to the above then maybe we can see a change.
'''
Paxful.com and staff willfully allowing nigerian scammers to launder money
Go1dfish undelete link
unreddit undelete link
Author: PurseV2
1: medium.co*/dl***c/*ax**l-is*the-most-i*p*r**nt*b*tcoin-comp*ny-*o*-*re*t-*ayi*g-attentio*-t**4e69*db*c5ca 2: ww*.sec****/repo**spubs/investor-*ubl*cat*ons*c**plain*s*tml*html 3: medium.c*m/dl*bvc/paxf*l-is-th****st*i*po*ta***bi*c**n-compa*y-y*u-*ren*-payin*-attentio*-to-*e*9*db0c*c*]^^1 4: www.se*.*ov/re**rtsp*bs*investo*-p*bl*cati*n***ompl*int*html.ht*l]*^2
Unknown links are censored to prevent spreading illicit content.
submitted by removalbot to removalbot [link] [comments]


2020.04.08 05:15 parquet7 Williams and Lisa

Ok hear me out. What if Williams’ phone wasn’t hacked and instead he’s scamming Yolanda! Stay with me for a minute - maybe Williams isn’t who he says he is! Maybe it’s someone in Nigeria. Could that explain why he didn’t know the name of either airport in London? I know what you’re thinking - Williams and Yolanda have been dating online for 7 months and he would never do that to her. You’re probably right. But I’ve been putting a few things together and I think we have to at least consider the possibility. Unlikely. I know. But I’ve heard of crazier things.
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2020.03.12 03:49 EricaShmericaOFF BEFORE THE 90 DAYS OF OUR LIVES; Episode 3

Joffrey & Varya: During the longest car ride back from the airport ever, Joffrey and Varya are suffering in extreme awkwardness. Not exactly sure why Varya decided to wear a lemon yellow Hillary Clinton-esque power suit to meet her internet love, but it only added to the weirdness. They arrive at the hotel, where Joffrey will be sleeping alone. Varya tells him that she promised her girlfriends she would stay with them, as it's too soon to shack up with some guy from the internet. Prince Joffrey does attempts to cut the tension by talking about their awkward first encounter, and gets super defensive while doing so. He seems to almost be getting annoyed with her already, because it's not an immediate connection. Before abandoning him in a foreign land for the evening, Varya, who is still wearing a Paula Poundstone circa 1992 blazer, brings Joffrey out on the town for fine Russian cuisine. She insists that he order some beets/onion/herring/mayo tower of terror looking concoction, and maybe it's all for the best that she isn't spending the night..... At dinner, Varya questioned him about his previous relationship and his kids, and he was less than forthcoming with any of that information. This is what happens when you go for the cutest guy that contacts you on Anastasia.com. Russian Red flags everywhere.
Baby Girl Lisa & Assman: The plane is about to land in the bustling metropolis of Kaduna, Nigeria. But first, we got to experience a day in the life of Assman. On this episode of "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous", we see Usman wake up and hit the hookah / check his phone to answer all of the babygirls he's scamming, all the while trying not to disturb the random guy sleeping next to him in bed who turns out to also be named Usman (Is"Usman" like John Smith over there? There seem to be an abundance of them). Assman also shares his quarters with his friend Ahmed the Giant, who must have lost in "Rock Paper Scissors", and has to sleep on the floor. Sojaboy, being the super star he is, gets to use the ensuite bathroom first, which involves showering with one bucket and doing his business in another. (Why were his friends waiting in line for the bathroom if they poop in buckets? Like just go grab another bucket... is the scenery nicer in there or something?) Sojaboy tells his friends about Baby Girl Lisa coming to visit, and passes her photo around on his phone for show and tell. Assman brings the new "goofballs" to the airport to retrieve BGL. She got off the plain with 2" of grey roots and ran to Assman as fast as her socks-with-sandaled feet could take her! They did seem genuine in their initial moments embracing at the airport, and then making out like teenagers in the back of the car ride to the airport. Assman admitted she had "more belly" than he liked, and made faces to his friends when BGL wasnt looking. They arrive at the hotel, where the new couple gave the Goofballs 2.0 the slip. Production asked Assman how he felt about sleeping with Lisa, to which he admitted that she is not someone he is normally attracted to (perhaps 55%), but anatomically speaking, they have the right equipment to get the job done.They rolled around on the bed, and BGL was clear about what was on her mind. She kicked production out, and probably made him sing "the song " to get in the mood. Can't wait for next week, and I wrote my own lyric "Baby Girl Lisa, I will pray for yoooou girl (that you dont get dysentery and have to use the poop bucket)".
Stephanie and Erika with a K: Stephanie is a super cute girl originally from the Czech Republic, now living in Yonkers with great hair. She's a YouTuber by trade, who sings songs about pizza, and has fallen in love with another girl with great hair, Erika with a K from Australia. Stephanie and Erika not Shmerika had been chatting online for awhile and Stephanie is now trying to decide how to tell her mother she is going "down under" with girls. Her mother is worried about her traveling, due to her rare autoimmune disorder. Nothing too crazy to report with these two, I guess we will have to wait and see.
Darcey, just Darcey: Darcey hits the gym with extra cleavage to spare. She does a little leg lift thing, lifts some weights, then runs for her life on the treadmill (whoever came up with the idea for this scene should be proud of themselves...genius). While burning calories, she discusses recieving photos of Tom (by way of Stacey's fiance Florian) and some blonde girl in Nottingham, looking like she might also be getting the key to Tom's house. Darcey is very hurt and feels betrayed. ......by the guy she isn't seeing and blocked on Instagram. Stacey picks her up from her workout in her Nissan Altima, and they speed off to sit and trash talk Tom. There's really no story here, but it's always nice to see an old familiar face.....well, it's getting less familiar each season.
Big Egg & Rosemarie's Baby: Big egg has made his final descent upon the Philippines and is excited to meet Rose for the first time, as are we all. We get to see Rose in her natural habitat, which was very modest, to say the least. She and her son live with her sister and her kids in two rooms behind her sister's store. They sleep on a roll up mattress on the floor (Which will hopefully be the right size for Ed's fancy sheets), they do their laundry in a plastic tub on the street and there are roosters walking around. (Sidenote, this place would go for about $2000/month in New York.. they'd list it as "cozy, open concept with friendly neighborhood fowl"). Hopefully Ed, with his experience in kitchen and bath design, will be able to remodel their hot plate kitchen and poop bucket to more of a "rustic modern" look. After the house tour, Rose pretty much admits she's in this to start a new life for herself and her son (can't blame her, I also love indoor plumbing). We also met the family Rosemarie, her sister Maria and their dad, while they all shared a yogurt snack. They discussed Ed's upcoming visit, and voiced their concerns about his size and intentions. Finally the moment we have all been waiting for; Rose and Ed see each other for the first time! They both seem happy and excited, though their car ride was not nearly as sexy as BGL and Assman....not many things are. Rose did realize that Ed lied about his height, and that hes a bit more egg shaped in person, but she's in it to win it.
Avery & Ashhole: Avery is gearing up for her flight to meet Ashole all the way down under. Meanwhile, we get a glimpse into the life of jackAsh... We first see him squatting in cold water to attune with nature, or pee in the ocean or something. He shows us an example of his professional life, as he flirted with some woman on video chat. He admits to dating a lot, which is backed up by his local florist (Ash is probably helping put the florist's kids through college). This guy is shady, blinky, twitchy, and sneaky. We'll get to see him meet Avery next week, and yet, I am underwhelmed.
Yolandaler, party of one, Yolander: Yolander sits down in a bougie juice bar to text and video chat with "The Williams', but no such luck. Later, while sitting on her air mattress in her bedroom with nothing in it, she tells production that Williams has changed his instagram name and deleted all photos. She still can't get a hold of him, and we're all just left to wonder why she is on the show and who would believe this and just why. After all we went through with Caesar, just why. Are we going to have to wait 13 weeks and then the Nigerian Williams will pull a Maria and make an appearance via satellite? Will he go on to hang out with Jesse? I'm growing impatient with Yolander and her purpley blue eyeliner....you're turning into a Caesar salad.
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2020.03.03 01:04 fractalfay Do you think he’s a yahoo boy? Recap of Before the 90 Days, S04E02

Still no sign of the storied same sex couple, but if you’ve got a thing for serial woman beaters with a criminal record that demands 12 Danielle binders, have we got a story for you!
First, let’s revisit our favorite Connecticut single non-housewife medium from the Jersey Shore, Darcey! This permanent teenager is still faking a relationship with buttoned-up King of Salsa, Tom, who continues mugging like he’s a John Travolta stand-in for the off-Broadway revival of Grease. Are they engaged? No. Married? No. In a relationship of any kind? No, but she does still have that appreciation key, and the rules go out the door when you gift audiences with constant crying, and manage to scream “Get out of my life!” At a departing minivan. This has been my ringtone and life philosophy ever since. No one has thrown herself on the 90DF grenade like Darcey, so let’s clap this woman all the way onto the stage.
The 90DF editors tease at wedding dress selection, but what’s actually happening is that Darcey and Stacey are modeling their own designs, and commit to ones that best scream Pnina Tornai. Darcey chooses a dress inspired by Tom’s last cocaine flashback and glues her tits into it. We’re then forced to look back on our relationship with Darcey, which has lasted longer than any of her romantic entanglements, from the early days of Goth Darcey wearing high heels to walk cobblestone streets, to the current extensions-and-contour edition that spends hours preparing for a phone call that doesn’t cross the five minute mark.
Anyway, with a stressful morning of staring at herself in the mirror now complete, Darcey and Stacey strap on dueling sunglasses and invade a café so that Stacey can look down on her in public. Darcey hasn’t heard from Tom in weeks, and remains the only person who doesn’t know where their relationship stands. She reveals that Tom only texted her on her birthday, since he was busy working on his selfie that day, but he promised he would call. Darcey then races to dismiss her own feelings with, “It’s just a birthday.” Can the self-esteem bus make an unscheduled stop in Darcey’s segment? Can someone please share a seat with Darcey?
Later on she calls Tom and pretends to be aloof, with a long series of “I’m busy, you’re busy” unconvincing dismissals. For fuck’s sake Darcey, find someone who likes you instead of trying to rearrange yourself around a guy with one good angle. Despite totally ignoring her, Tom readied for this phone call by looking high and low for the most pretentious backdrop, and wants to know if he can get some ass when he’s next in town, or dump her on national television the way Jesse did. Darcey never turns away the chance to feel bad about herself, so she asks why he wants to see her, exactly, and Tom who is still Tom says he doesn’t have time to talk about this. Here’s how I wish her conversation with Tom went:
Tom: Darcey? Darcey, are you there?
Darcey: Who is this?
Tom: It’s Tom. From The England.
Darcey: Who?
Tom: Tom. Salsa Tom. Jesse rebound Tom.
Darcey: What? I am not donating to your campaign.
Tom: No…dammit Darcey, Tom from 90 Day Fiancé.
Darcey: Oh my god I’m on that show again! Gotta go paint on some wedding gowns. Goodbye!
Scene.
Just a few states south of 90 Day Fiancé capital is Lisa, who remains the only person convinced that Nigerian rapper Usman is headed state-side for true love, with the fifty-something bossy white lady of his dreams. Since this is a story of dizzying complexity, let’s review everything we know about Usman, before this list is dutifully chanted, scene after scene:
1.) He’s a celebrity.
2.) He wrote a song about his baby love Lisa.
3.) Totally not a scammer.
4.) Too many feemales.
On the phone with Usman Lisa summons her best impression of Sarah from Life After Lockup, to discuss her upcoming meeting with Usman’s mother, who she expected to buy off with a goat. Usman admits that his mother thinks she’s coming to Nigeria to take her son away as a slave, which is fair, since Lisa observes him as an object she owns. Usman assures Lisa that they’re going to be together no matter what, and he doesn’t need mother’s approval. That topic exhausted, we move on to her favorite one: feemales. Lisa wants to go to the studio, to check for women hiding under a synthesizer. She also doesn’t want to be around his friends, because they hide women under their clothing, or attract them with their woman flags. In fact, if he could put all of Nigeria’s feemales on a ship and sink it before she arrives, that would be great. Then, Usman gets another call.
“Was that a feemale?” Derps Lisa.
Usman: I’m going to laugh a lot, because I struggle to believe you are this demanding and absurd.
Lisa: Oh I am.
Mother Usman: This will take many, many goats.
Later on Lisa meets up with friends Rocky and Cathy to report on the list of four things. Rocky has just returned from serving as an extra in the sequel to Fury Road, and Cathy has brought her Sally Jesse Raphael glasses for aggressive Lisa reading. They ask what Usman does in Nigeria, and instead of saying scamming she goes with, “He’s a celebrity,” and everyone laughs and laughs. They point out that the US already has a Soulja Boy, but hip hop mogul Lisa assures them that the spelling is different, and only one of them wrote the song “I Love You,” which is for Baby Girl Lisa, meaning her, and no one else. There’s no stopping Rocky or his, “Really?”
Okay, so we’ve covered celebrity, his rap ambitions, and how he’s totally not a scammer, which leaves us with feemales. Lisa says that after the song there was drama, because he had to make a video. She thought that since the song is about her, her face should be super-imposed over the sun like that baby in Teletubbies, or maybe she could crawl out of a comic strip and dance with him like that one scene from “Take on Me,” or could brush her hair in the mirror while a creepy hand appears to hold her cheek like in that Juice Newton classic, “Angel of the Morning.” If you need someone with extensive knowledge of disturbing imagery in music videos on your pub trivia team, I’m your huckleberry.
Anyway, Usman chose to betray Lisa’s crackerjack media sense and go with an actual person instead. Lisa declares that the presence of an actress negates the love proclamations of the song, so to appease her he cut all the girl’s scenes from the music video. Or, she denied some poor actress the opportunity for career progression, just to prop up her own delusions. Lisa further declares that once she lands in Nigeria, she wants to have more of a say in his career, because who in the arts doesn’t want a hospice nurse to weigh in on their creative pursuits?
While Lisa is at the midpoint of her fan fiction, Cathy googles until she finds a death count for the area where she’s going. Lisa points out that she could be robbed with a machete anywhere, because guns are expensive, and hardware stores don’t card. Plus, she’s not worried about death, because even one week with this man is a good life.
Later on Lisa’s packing up, showing off her endorsement deal with the Dollar Store, and she confesses she spent some time at Paul’s Mall, picking up his and her matching mosquito nets. Her friend Trinda has been to The Africa, and is there to share sagely advice, like use condoms. Lisa is not about to hear anything that didn’t happen in Twilight.
On the way to the airport, Trinda asks if Lisa wonders if he might be a Yahoo Boy, which is apparently a nickname for Nigerian scammers that live in fraternity houses together and juice newton vulnerable women for money as a team. Lisa knows that Usman isn’t a yahoo boy, because those guys hunt down middle-aged women on facebook and randomly friend them, and Usman is a celebrity who found a middle-aged woman on facebook to randomly friend.
Nicole: That makes sense.
Speaking of folks who view people as objects, Big Ed is tying up some loose ends at work, which includes scraping off his last layers of dignity and notions of women as people. Coworker Kara laughs at Ed’s corny jokes and confesses that she has some doubts about his relationship. To comfort him in his travels, she regales Big Ed with stories of mutant cockroaches, bucket showers, mosquito born illnesses, and images of STDs. Big Ed confirms the suspicion that every single gift he’s sent Rosemarie has actually been for him: sheets and pillows that accommodate his skin condition, a grill for her father to cook according to his dietary limitations, and creepy lingerie plucked right from a Silk Stalkings skinemax flick from the 90s, which just so happens to also be the last decade Ed had sex. Normally you might want to, I don’t, meet the person before you present sexual expectations, but dude has suffered through 28 years of masturbating while crying, so let’s allow some margin for error.
Anyway, Big Ed reveals that Rosemarie’s sister texted him to ask for money, while pretending that Rosemarie doesn’t know about it. Big Ed texted back that he’s not willing to entertain a cash gift until he’s actually there. At which point, his decision will be determined by whether or not Rosemarie has had sex with him yet.
The next day, Big Ed is taking too much shit to the Philippines, in his Big Suitcase of Big Expectations. He’s bringing only the highlighted items on Paul’s list of travel essentials: perfume, an assortment of stuffed animals, a giant bag of suckers, Crest product placement, microwave popcorn to heat in his bucket shower, and an engagement ring. Marie Kondo needs to provide luggage inspection to all 90DF participants, because there’s no way DumDums spark joy.
A friend stops by to marvel at Ed’s decision-making and to deliver wine. We learn that Rosemarie’s son is four, and Big Ed hopes to one day employ him as a drool catcher. He also admits that he may have told Rosemarie just a few lies about himself. He lied about his height by 3 inches, which is one inch more of a lie than the average dude posting measurements on the internet. Lie #2 is that he doesn’t want more children, and wants a vasectomy. Rosemarie, meanwhile, is already excited for baby #2. Turns out he made the appointment twice, and cancelled it both times, because that’s escalating the lie to territory much more difficult to defend on social media.
This is why so many Americans on this show are terrible. They find someone online that’s out of their league, whom they hope to marry for purely physical reasons, and demonstrate full indifference to their clearly articulated expectations, allowing their would-be spouse to invest time and energy into what will ultimately be a mismatch. The international spouses are supposed to love the Americans for their personalities and who they are, while the Americans don’t need to love at all. Big Ed is trying to get laid, and chooses to delay announcing his disinterest in children so that it doesn’t get in the way of his get-some plans. This is shitty.
Finally, he’s off to the airport, where he makes 18 short jokes, because no one around him could possibly be thinking about anything but his height. Definitely not their own insecurities and travel plans, for example. Big Ed once again tries to call his daughter Tiffany, and when it goes to voicemail he sends her a video message instead. She calls back to wish him safe travels. He tries to drag the conversation on, but she cuts him off, and something tells me this isn’t the first time Big Ed did something that’s hard to explain.
Meanwhile, over in Washington, Avery is noticing that her boyfriend with a doctorate in single-ladies only speaks jargon. She calls him, and asks pointed question to try and unravel this mystery.
Avery: Do you think we’ll have conflict being around each other 24/7.
Ash: If we have that soul connection, you will always agree with me.
Avery: Why did you and your ex breakup?
Ash: We harmonized our synergies, but couldn’t converge on an elevated psychic plane. I’m optimistic about our potential in space.
Avery: Soo she’d be okay with you taking her son out of the country?
Ash: Do you know about synchronicity? There’s a way he can be in two places at the same time, if you just open your mind.
Avery: Sometimes I think you just say what I want to hear.
Ash: This is what you want to hear? I can feel our soul connection pulling us forward, towards otherworldly transmission. Also, give yourself over to pleasure, in a way that aligns with my heterosexual male expectations.
Avery: Omigod this is just like working at Google.
Later on, Avery heads over to her parents’ house to confess her long-distance love, and her plans to drop both children on the doorsteps of their respective fathers before flooring it to the airport. Her mother, who is possibly my #twinflame, demonstrates perfect resting bitch face, thinly concealing simmering distrust and desire for isolation. Mother Avery does not say, “I’m not one to judge anyone…” she just gets right to the judging, and I enjoy that language economy. Avery starts unfurling her latest romantic adventure, and her mom questions how much relationship she can have with someone she’s never hung out with, and scoffs when their relationship is described as “dating.”
Mother Avery: Don’t you have kids?
Avery: Not on this show I don’t.
Grandma: Aren’t there any fellas in Washington?
Avery: Yes, but none of them are allowed to leave the Amazon parking lot.
Mother Avery: Well, they can’t all be a big deal in the cannabis business. Is it time for you to go yet?
Avery: Well…
Mother Avery: I think it’s really weird that people even exist on the internet. Do they disappear when you turn it off?
Father Avery: I am the dad.
Avery: Obviously I’ve been through a lot of crap in the past, but I didn’t learn from any of it.
Mother Avery: Hmm.
Scene.
Yolanda is in desperate need of Mother Avery’s wisdom as she’s buying her plane ticket one week before she heads to England. This is one of those moments where I want production to step in and offer some education on thrifty airfare. Daughter Kara comes downstairs to help with the hotel and flight selection. Yolanda is used to planning vacations with her dearly departed Duane, and she’s unsteady on her feet doing it herself, save for text check-ins with her Yahoo boy. Yolanda reports that Williams was excited to learn she lives in Las Vegas, but was short a few hundred dollars to buy the ticket to see her. He then got upset that she didn’t give him money, but eventually said it was fine if she wanted to visit him instead. He tells her to fly into London, but doesn’t know the name of the airport, so he tells her that he’ll text her later. Kara finds this fishy, and when he texts he says she should fly into London, and then they’ll take the train two hours to Manchester. When Yolanda protests, he changes his mind and says she should fly into ASP Manchester LTD…which is the name of a recruitment office. She tries calling him back to clarify, and he won’t answer the phone. You have to be hurting or Nicole to not notice this scam.
Nicole: She’s hurting, and Azan and I are getting married.
Oh yeah, Geoffrey. At some point he attempts to milk empathy from a horrified audience, before boarding an airplane to make someone miserable in Russia. Despite the presence of unspeakable evil, the plane doesn’t crash, and somehow all the passengers sharing space with Voldemort when the Hellmouth opened made it out alive. Varya’s friends talk her out of sharing a hotel with him, and teach her how to blink SOS to the hotel manager. They are understandably worried about Geoffrey’s expectation for her to “bring him happiness.” Instead, she brings a natty yellow suit to the airport for the spinning camera trick, which in the future should be replaced with putting both parties on a merry-go-round while challenging them to stay on as it goes faster and faster. They’re both awkward, because Geoff’s barely recovered from his last violent crime, but they still manage to navigate this romantic exchange:
Varya: My friends are worried about me.
Geoffrey: WHAT HAVE THEY HEARD?
(Scene.)
NEXT WEEK Darcey gets ferocious at the gym while Tom attacks the dance floor, we finally meet the same sex couple we’ve been waiting for, Yolanda begins to stitch together that she’s been catfished and that accent isn’t British, and Big Ed and Rosemarie meet, and since it’s been hyped as a dud, you know she’s going to be fine with his looks.
Thank you Patreon supporters! For more of my blather, check out patreon.com/Fractalfay
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2020.03.03 01:03 fractalfay Do you think he could be a yahoo boy? Recap of Before the 90 Days, S04E02.

Still no sign of the storied same sex couple, but if you’ve got a thing for serial woman beaters with a criminal record that demands 12 Danielle binders, have we got a story for you!
First, let’s revisit our favorite Connecticut single non-housewife medium from the Jersey Shore, Darcey! This permanent teenager is still faking a relationship with buttoned-up King of Salsa, Tom, who continues mugging like he’s a John Travolta stand-in for the off-Broadway revival of Grease. Are they engaged? No. Married? No. In a relationship of any kind? No, but she does still have that appreciation key, and the rules go out the door when you gift audiences with constant crying, and manage to scream “Get out of my life!” At a departing minivan. This has been my ringtone and life philosophy ever since. No one has thrown herself on the 90DF grenade like Darcey, so let’s clap this woman all the way onto the stage.
The 90DF editors tease at wedding dress selection, but what’s actually happening is that Darcey and Stacey are modeling their own designs, and commit to ones that best scream Pnina Tornai. Darcey chooses a dress inspired by Tom’s last cocaine flashback and glues her tits into it. We’re then forced to look back on our relationship with Darcey, which has lasted longer than any of her romantic entanglements, from the early days of Goth Darcey wearing high heels to walk cobblestone streets, to the current extensions-and-contour edition that spends hours preparing for a phone call that doesn’t cross the five minute mark.
Anyway, with a stressful morning of staring at herself in the mirror now complete, Darcey and Stacey strap on dueling sunglasses and invade a café so that Stacey can look down on her in public. Darcey hasn’t heard from Tom in weeks, and remains the only person who doesn’t know where their relationship stands. She reveals that Tom only texted her on her birthday, since he was busy working on his selfie that day, but he promised he would call. Darcey then races to dismiss her own feelings with, “It’s just a birthday.” Can the self-esteem bus make an unscheduled stop in Darcey’s segment? Can someone please share a seat with Darcey?
Later on she calls Tom and pretends to be aloof, with a long series of “I’m busy, you’re busy” unconvincing dismissals. For fuck’s sake Darcey, find someone who likes you instead of trying to rearrange yourself around a guy with one good angle. Despite totally ignoring her, Tom readied for this phone call by looking high and low for the most pretentious backdrop, and wants to know if he can get some ass when he’s next in town, or dump her on national television the way Jesse did. Darcey never turns away the chance to feel bad about herself, so she asks why he wants to see her, exactly, and Tom who is still Tom says he doesn’t have time to talk about this. Here’s how I wish her conversation with Tom went:
Tom: Darcey? Darcey, are you there?
Darcey: Who is this?
Tom: It’s Tom. From The England.
Darcey: Who?
Tom: Tom. Salsa Tom. Jesse rebound Tom.
Darcey: What? I am not donating to your campaign.
Tom: No…dammit Darcey, Tom from 90 Day Fiancé.
Darcey: Oh my god I’m on that show again! Gotta go paint on some wedding gowns. Goodbye!
Scene.
Just a few states south of 90 Day Fiancé capital is Lisa, who remains the only person convinced that Nigerian rapper Usman is headed state-side for true love, with the fifty-something bossy white lady of his dreams. Since this is a story of dizzying complexity, let’s review everything we know about Usman, before this list is dutifully chanted, scene after scene:
1.) He’s a celebrity.
2.) He wrote a song about his baby love Lisa.
3.) Totally not a scammer.
4.) Too many feemales.
On the phone with Usman Lisa summons her best impression of Sarah from Life After Lockup, to discuss her upcoming meeting with Usman’s mother, who she expected to buy off with a goat. Usman admits that his mother thinks she’s coming to Nigeria to take her son away as a slave, which is fair, since Lisa observes him as an object she owns. Usman assures Lisa that they’re going to be together no matter what, and he doesn’t need mother’s approval. That topic exhausted, we move on to her favorite one: feemales. Lisa wants to go to the studio, to check for women hiding under a synthesizer. She also doesn’t want to be around his friends, because they hide women under their clothing, or attract them with their woman flags. In fact, if he could put all of Nigeria’s feemales on a ship and sink it before she arrives, that would be great. Then, Usman gets another call.
“Was that a feemale?” Derps Lisa.
Usman: I’m going to laugh a lot, because I struggle to believe you are this demanding and absurd.
Lisa: Oh I am.
Mother Usman: This will take many, many goats.
Later on Lisa meets up with friends Rocky and Cathy to report on the list of four things. Rocky has just returned from serving as an extra in the sequel to Fury Road, and Cathy has brought her Sally Jesse Raphael glasses for aggressive Lisa reading. They ask what Usman does in Nigeria, and instead of saying scamming she goes with, “He’s a celebrity,” and everyone laughs and laughs. They point out that the US already has a Soulja Boy, but hip hop mogul Lisa assures them that the spelling is different, and only one of them wrote the song “I Love You,” which is for Baby Girl Lisa, meaning her, and no one else. There’s no stopping Rocky or his, “Really?”
Okay, so we’ve covered celebrity, his rap ambitions, and how he’s totally not a scammer, which leaves us with feemales. Lisa says that after the song there was drama, because he had to make a video. She thought that since the song is about her, her face should be super-imposed over the sun like that baby in Teletubbies, or maybe she could crawl out of a comic strip and dance with him like that one scene from “Take on Me,” or could brush her hair in the mirror while a creepy hand appears to hold her cheek like in that Juice Newton classic, “Angel of the Morning.” If you need someone with extensive knowledge of disturbing imagery in music videos on your pub trivia team, I’m your huckleberry.
Anyway, Usman chose to betray Lisa’s crackerjack media sense and go with an actual person instead. Lisa declares that the presence of an actress negates the love proclamations of the song, so to appease her he cut all the girl’s scenes from the music video. Or, she denied some poor actress the opportunity for career progression, just to prop up her own delusions. Lisa further declares that once she lands in Nigeria, she wants to have more of a say in his career, because who in the arts doesn’t want a hospice nurse to weigh in on their creative pursuits?
While Lisa is at the midpoint of her fan fiction, Cathy googles until she finds a death count for the area where she’s going. Lisa points out that she could be robbed with a machete anywhere, because guns are expensive, and hardware stores don’t card. Plus, she’s not worried about death, because even one week with this man is a good life.
Later on Lisa’s packing up, showing off her endorsement deal with the Dollar Store, and she confesses she spent some time at Paul’s Mall, picking up his and her matching mosquito nets. Her friend Trinda has been to The Africa, and is there to share sagely advice, like use condoms. Lisa is not about to hear anything that didn’t happen in Twilight.
On the way to the airport, Trinda asks if Lisa wonders if he might be a Yahoo Boy, which is apparently a nickname for Nigerian scammers that live in fraternity houses together and juice newton vulnerable women for money as a team. Lisa knows that Usman isn’t a yahoo boy, because those guys hunt down middle-aged women on facebook and randomly friend them, and Usman is a celebrity who found a middle-aged woman on facebook to randomly friend.
Nicole: That makes sense.
Speaking of folks who view people as objects, Big Ed is tying up some loose ends at work, which includes scraping off his last layers of dignity and notions of women as people. Coworker Kara laughs at Ed’s corny jokes and confesses that she has some doubts about his relationship. To comfort him in his travels, she regales Big Ed with stories of mutant cockroaches, bucket showers, mosquito born illnesses, and images of STDs. Big Ed confirms the suspicion that every single gift he’s sent Rosemarie has actually been for him: sheets and pillows that accommodate his skin condition, a grill for her father to cook according to his dietary limitations, and creepy lingerie plucked right from a Silk Stalkings skinemax flick from the 90s, which just so happens to also be the last decade Ed had sex. Normally you might want to, I don’t, meet the person before you present sexual expectations, but dude has suffered through 28 years of masturbating while crying, so let’s allow some margin for error.
Anyway, Big Ed reveals that Rosemarie’s sister texted him to ask for money, while pretending that Rosemarie doesn’t know about it. Big Ed texted back that he’s not willing to entertain a cash gift until he’s actually there. At which point, his decision will be determined by whether or not Rosemarie has had sex with him yet.
The next day, Big Ed is taking too much shit to the Philippines, in his Big Suitcase of Big Expectations. He’s bringing only the highlighted items on Paul’s list of travel essentials: perfume, an assortment of stuffed animals, a giant bag of suckers, Crest product placement, microwave popcorn to heat in his bucket shower, and an engagement ring. Marie Kondo needs to provide luggage inspection to all 90DF participants, because there’s no way DumDums spark joy.
A friend stops by to marvel at Ed’s decision-making and to deliver wine. We learn that Rosemarie’s son is four, and Big Ed hopes to one day employ him as a drool catcher. He also admits that he may have told Rosemarie just a few lies about himself. He lied about his height by 3 inches, which is one inch more of a lie than the average dude posting measurements on the internet. Lie #2 is that he doesn’t want more children, and wants a vasectomy. Rosemarie, meanwhile, is already excited for baby #2. Turns out he made the appointment twice, and cancelled it both times, because that’s escalating the lie to territory much more difficult to defend on social media.
This is why so many Americans on this show are terrible. They find someone online that’s out of their league, whom they hope to marry for purely physical reasons, and demonstrate full indifference to their clearly articulated expectations, allowing their would-be spouse to invest time and energy into what will ultimately be a mismatch. The international spouses are supposed to love the Americans for their personalities and who they are, while the Americans don’t need to love at all. Big Ed is trying to get laid, and chooses to delay announcing his disinterest in children so that it doesn’t get in the way of his get-some plans. This is shitty.
Finally, he’s off to the airport, where he makes 18 short jokes, because no one around him could possibly be thinking about anything but his height. Definitely not their own insecurities and travel plans, for example. Big Ed once again tries to call his daughter Tiffany, and when it goes to voicemail he sends her a video message instead. She calls back to wish him safe travels. He tries to drag the conversation on, but she cuts him off, and something tells me this isn’t the first time Big Ed did something that’s hard to explain.
Meanwhile, over in Washington, Avery is noticing that her boyfriend with a doctorate in single-ladies only speaks jargon. She calls him, and asks pointed question to try and unravel this mystery.
Avery: Do you think we’ll have conflict being around each other 24/7.
Ash: If we have that soul connection, you will always agree with me.
Avery: Why did you and your ex breakup?
Ash: We harmonized our synergies, but couldn’t converge on an elevated psychic plane. I’m optimistic about our potential in space.
Avery: Soo she’d be okay with you taking her son out of the country?
Ash: Do you know about synchronicity? There’s a way he can be in two places at the same time, if you just open your mind.
Avery: Sometimes I think you just say what I want to hear.
Ash: This is what you want to hear? I can feel our soul connection pulling us forward, towards otherworldly transmission. Also, give yourself over to pleasure, in a way that aligns with my heterosexual male expectations.
Avery: Omigod this is just like working at Google.
Later on, Avery heads over to her parents’ house to confess her long-distance love, and her plans to drop both children on the doorsteps of their respective fathers before flooring it to the airport. Her mother, who is possibly my #twinflame, demonstrates perfect resting bitch face, thinly concealing simmering distrust and desire for isolation. Mother Avery does not say, “I’m not one to judge anyone…” she just gets right to the judging, and I enjoy that language economy. Avery starts unfurling her latest romantic adventure, and her mom questions how much relationship she can have with someone she’s never hung out with, and scoffs when their relationship is described as “dating.”
Mother Avery: Don’t you have kids?
Avery: Not on this show I don’t.
Grandma: Aren’t there any fellas in Washington?
Avery: Yes, but none of them are allowed to leave the Amazon parking lot.
Mother Avery: Well, they can’t all be a big deal in the cannabis business. Is it time for you to go yet?
Avery: Well…
Mother Avery: I think it’s really weird that people even exist on the internet. Do they disappear when you turn it off?
Father Avery: I am the dad.
Avery: Obviously I’ve been through a lot of crap in the past, but I didn’t learn from any of it.
Mother Avery: Hmm.
Scene.
Yolanda is in desperate need of Mother Avery’s wisdom as she’s buying her plane ticket one week before she heads to England. This is one of those moments where I want production to step in and offer some education on thrifty airfare. Daughter Kara comes downstairs to help with the hotel and flight selection. Yolanda is used to planning vacations with her dearly departed Duane, and she’s unsteady on her feet doing it herself, save for text check-ins with her Yahoo boy. Yolanda reports that Williams was excited to learn she lives in Las Vegas, but was short a few hundred dollars to buy the ticket to see her. He then got upset that she didn’t give him money, but eventually said it was fine if she wanted to visit him instead. He tells her to fly into London, but doesn’t know the name of the airport, so he tells her that he’ll text her later. Kara finds this fishy, and when he texts he says she should fly into London, and then they’ll take the train two hours to Manchester. When Yolanda protests, he changes his mind and says she should fly into ASP Manchester LTD…which is the name of a recruitment office. She tries calling him back to clarify, and he won’t answer the phone. You have to be hurting or Nicole to not notice this scam.
Nicole: She’s hurting, and Azan and I are getting married.
Oh yeah, Geoffrey. At some point he attempts to milk empathy from a horrified audience, before boarding an airplane to make someone miserable in Russia. Despite the presence of unspeakable evil, the plane doesn’t crash, and somehow all the passengers sharing space with Voldemort when the Hellmouth opened made it out alive. Varya’s friends talk her out of sharing a hotel with him, and teach her how to blink SOS to the hotel manager. They are understandably worried about Geoffrey’s expectation for her to “bring him happiness.” Instead, she brings a natty yellow suit to the airport for the spinning camera trick, which in the future should be replaced with putting both parties on a merry-go-round while challenging them to stay on as it goes faster and faster. They’re both awkward, because Geoff’s barely recovered from his last violent crime, but they still manage to navigate this romantic exchange:
Varya: My friends are worried about me.
Geoffrey: WHAT HAVE THEY HEARD?
(Scene.)
NEXT WEEK Darcey gets ferocious at the gym while Tom attacks the dance floor, we finally meet the same sex couple we’ve been waiting for, Yolanda begins to stitch together that she’s been catfished and that accent isn’t British, and Big Ed and Rosemarie meet, and since it’s been hyped as a dud, you know she’s going to be fine with his looks.
Thank you Patreon supporters!
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2020.02.27 20:10 EricaShmericaOFF Before the 90 Days of Our Lives, episode 1

Geoffrey & Varya: Geoffrey (though I keep calling him Joffrey in my head ala Game of Thrones) is a seemingly normal looking guy from Tennesee with a bit of a past. He has been married a few times, has 3 kids by two different women, and suffered extreme heart break losing his young son. He met Varya from Russia online on an international dating site. She is described to be a radio personality and career driven woman. Geoffrey goes to visit some random older woman he knows from Russia with a really nice house to discuss his upcoming visit to Moscow. Olga, the token Russian friend, looks like her head got stuck in an oscillating fan, and they were able to salvage one lone piece in the front before taking a dull knife to hack the rest of her hair off, freeing her from said fan. Besides Olga's confusing hair and her beautiful kitchen, it sounded like her only other purpose was to tell Geoffrey to be weary of Russian women speaking English in a "takes one to know one " kind of way. The previews seem to look like Olga might be right...
Big Ed & Rosemarie: Cue the fun surf music, it's finally time to meet self proclaimed "Big Ed", a 53 year old photographer from San Diego (or as Anchorman would say, the "Whale's Vagina"). Big Ed seems to be a fun-loving guy, though he stands at a whopping 4'11" and sports a slightly egg-shaped physique. Ed has a 29 year old daughter Tiffany, who he's very close with from his previous marriage, which ended because HE was unfaithful to HER (Possible Napoleon complex much??). He seems to be pretty confident with himself despite being vertically challenged and seems like a lot of fun, though it's hard to get a full read this early in the game- so far I like him. He shares his life with his tiny dog, Teddy, who has the coolest spaceship looking backpack that he rides in while tooling around town on Ed's Vespa. Although Teddy is his ride or die, he decided to look for love on the interweb and found Rosemarie, a 23 year old girl from the Philippines. Rosemarie is a single mom to the son formerly known as Prince, and lives with her family who are super poor. Ed has become best buds with the UPS staff, as he's there weekly shipping random things to the Philippines as gifts, but also to help make his stay more comfortable (i.e. he requires 1000 thread count sheets for his super sensitive skin, which in conjunction with shipping, may cost as much as her rent for the month). We got to meet Ed's mom, Norma, who doesn't love the idea of Big Egg venturing to meet Rosemarie. Sounds like daughter Tiffany is also upset about it, as she hasn't spoken to Ed since finding out. Ed apparently takes great pride in his long scraggly hair, and performs an entire scene where he does a DIY hair mask by applying mayonnaise to his head with a spatula, to avoid harsh chemicals while also getting that Hellman's glow. As a haircare professional, I can't really speak on what this does for your hair, other than make me want a Turkey sandwich. After salon time, Ed hops on video chat with Rosemarie, where they just kind of smile at each other and she told her son to call him "daddy", which was a super cringey moment. Ed tried to ask Rosemarie if she was talking to other people, primarily Americans online, to which her Skype magically stopped working. (She didn't even have to say she was from Finland). Ed is definitely enjoying his time in the spotlight, so good for him. This story should be interesting, and if nothing else, entertaining.
Baby Girl Lisa & Assman/Sojaboy: The intro to Lisa was the most impressive in 90 Day History. She was in the process of getting a full body wax in preparation for her big trip to meet Assman aka Sojaboy, her 30 year old Nigerian boyfriend. Apparently Asprin is some famous Nigerian singemovie star, but the only celebrity in Nigeria that I'm familiar with is Angela. Baby Girl Lisa spends her days trolling Assman's social media for heart emojis, telling him to "tighten it up" when it comes to the other women. Baby Girl Lisa (who will now be known as BGL because I'm lazy and don't want to keep typing it out) and Nikki sat down over iced frappa-somethings to discuss Lisa's journey to meet her Nigerian superstar. I thought Lisa and Nikki were sisters, being that they had the same crunchy Depp gel hair and kind of look alike. I couldn't stop staring at Nikki's tattoo of a floating Marilyn Monroe face and matching "Monroe" piercing. Nikki tried to bring BGL back to reality by mentioning that she can't possibly marry this guy without having met him in person, and experiencing him biblically (I'm going to dance around this portion, as I hope to one day stop gagging). BGL is not worried about their physical interaction as she has a "secret weapon"; She is going to let Assman get the love without the glove, something he claims to have never experienced previously. She also tells Nikki that she had him tested for AIDS, which hopefully included a slew of other STDs she will most likely be experiencing in her near future. Nikki seemed skeptical, but BGL threatened to make her listen to the "I'll go there for you baby girl Lisa" song Assman wrote her for the 100th time, so she kept quiet. I'll admit the song is very romantic and catchy, and convenient that you can just autotune anyone's name in whenever you feel like they might be your ticket to the U.S. I just cant wait to see his disappointment when he realizes that York, PA and New York are two different places.....
New Avery & Ashtray: Well, her name may be Avery (Just glad this one isn't thinking of going to Syria), but she reminds me of Deavan from 90 Day The Other Way. New Avery is a single mom of two living in Seattle. After her last relationship didn't work out, she moved back to Seattle to start over with her daughters and persue her passion of putting pot leaves in salad. (This is why I stay away from salad, it could be illegal). She also works with her ex boyfriend who's a big pothead or big in the world of cannabis or something I don't fully understand. She tells her ex/weed dealer about Ash, her new online love from Australia. Ashtray is an Instagram "relationship coach", who specifically coaches single women. On Instagram. Sounds legit to me! This may be the best scam yet, as he can just say all of his texts and messages from single women are work related and theoretically mean it, while flirting with them for money- genius. She's actually a really pretty girl and could easily find another guy who enjoys weed that likes to talk to other women on the internet right here in the states (Michael from Love After Lockup, for example, and he's always taking applications). I'm guessing this is why they've already broken up 3xs in their 9 month long distance relationship. Avery should hire Baby Girl Lisa to troll his page for heart emojis.
Yolanda & A random stranger that doesnt have a British accent: Yolanda is a 51 year old power walking, widowed mother of 6 from Las Vegas. After losing her husband of 30 years to kidney disease (and jail? That was confusing...they breezed right over that whole thing), she decided to lose a bunch of weight and post cute selfies online. This is when she met Williams, a random guy using a body builder's picture to scam ladies online. Yolanda loves his sexy British-Nigerian accent, and his thoughtful use of emojis. Her kids, on the the other hand, are spotting the red flags left and right. Her three sons (2 with rhyming names and all three with weird 80's mustaches), were questioning Yolanda's relationship, especially upon hearing she was venturing to England. I'm guessing this is going to be another Caesar situation, but maybe there will he a Catfish plot twist. Do we end up watching her have a fun time in England with her daughter, or do we need to call Liam Neison and his special set of skills? To be continued...
Missing from this episode were Darcey and Tom and a whole lot of crying. Also to behold in the future is the first same sex couple, who both have fabulous hair, and the 40 year old virgin.
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Nigerian scammers 2020  How to know if your Nigerian man is scamming you  online dating, redflags Warning: Here’s a typical Nigerian Romance Scam - YouTube The biggest online dating scam by a instagram model from ... Inside Out: Online Dating Scams - Emma Thomas reports ... Nigerian Scammer Teaches How To Scam People Online Meet the scammers breaking hearts and stealing billions ... NIGERIAN Romance Scammer REVEALS SECRETS! - YouTube Woman says she lost more than $1 million in online dating scam

Men in California oversaw a romance scam that ... - CNN

  1. Nigerian scammers 2020 How to know if your Nigerian man is scamming you online dating, redflags
  2. Warning: Here’s a typical Nigerian Romance Scam - YouTube
  3. The biggest online dating scam by a instagram model from ...
  4. Inside Out: Online Dating Scams - Emma Thomas reports ...
  5. Nigerian Scammer Teaches How To Scam People Online
  6. Meet the scammers breaking hearts and stealing billions ...
  7. NIGERIAN Romance Scammer REVEALS SECRETS! - YouTube
  8. Woman says she lost more than $1 million in online dating scam

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