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[AMA] I‘m a Narcissist w/ narcissist parents & a thing for other cluster Bs

2020.02.16 14:34 MissNarcy [AMA] I‘m a Narcissist w/ narcissist parents & a thing for other cluster Bs

I‘m a 26 y/o F from Europe.
First things first: I‘ve never been officially diagnosed with NPD, but due to my personal experience with people who had a cluster B diagnosis, talking to workers at mental health private volunteer facilities, and watching „narcissist experts“ giving „advice“ on YouTube (lol) I‘m at this point quite conviced that this is what‘s been off with me my entire life. I‘ve seen therapists for my other issues during my teenage years, and got diagnosed with moderate depression and GAD. However, I withheld a lot of information from them, so they wouldn’t „think badly of me“, and never really followed through with them (usually dropped out after I got „new supply“ in terms of a romantic relationship).
I‘m currently at a low point where I would usually crawl back to a therapist and cry about my miserable life and self-hatred, but I figured these weekly appointments are too time-consuming for my „adult lifestyle“ and overall „non-productive“ in regard to the situation in total. All I really need is distraction and attention rn, so I decided to make a NarcAdvice-type of account. I don‘t see people like me open up or being self-aware in the first place, most posts I came across were just (or at least sounded like) edgy kids trying to sound like „psychopaths“, so maybe I can remove some stereotypes here, bring a breathe of fresh air to the topic, huh...
I had a pretty stereotypical upbringing for cluster B folks. I grew up in a dysfunctional upper-middleclass, academic, christian family, where relatives wouldn’t interact with eachother unless it was about social convictions (holidays, birthdays...) or they needed something from eachother (money, that is). My father ran his own company and was physically/emotionally abusive towards my mother, which eventually stopped affecting me on an emotional level around the time when I was out of elementary school. He appears to be a co-narcissist (as far as I can tell from his family/upbringing/choice of partners). I was weirdly close to my father, tho. I idealized him, and devalued my mother until I hit puberty and I wasn‘t as „obedient“ anymore. When he started to become violent towards me as well, he was dead to me for good, but he never stopped being obsessed with me as his „only daughter“ (mind you, I have two older half-brothers who had moved out already when I was in elemen school, and nobody really knows what they’re up to). My mother was a high-functioning drug addict, and emotionally completely absent (the only time she ever cried for me was when I got into trouble at school once and she thought I couldn’t do my A levels). Although she appears to be the victim in this marriage, she definetly is the narcissist and negative force in this marriage (married my father because he came from money, didn’t want a child but kinda went along with it when birth control failed, doesn’t admit to being high when you hold evidence into her face, didn’t really care about the abuse aka laughing and provoking my father, stories about using men in her youth, nobody really knows anything about her upbringing really except that she comes from a big family and doesn’t have contact to any of her relatives...). Out relationship was based on me covering up her addiction/highness, and her covering up the messes I made in general, so my father would stay chill and we could have our peace at home. Their style of parenting definetly shaped me into the person I am today. The main points of their moral compass were: 1) Everything illegal/immoral was acceptable as long as one didn’t get caught. 2) Academic success and pursuing a career is key in life. If that‘s not acceptable, or you‘re incapable, you can at least marry someone who‘s successful. 3) Do not, at all costs, destroy your reputation. You need to have reputation for social contacts which you need in order to pursue a successful career.
In kindergarden I had no interest in other children. In elementary school I was a popular kid and teacher‘s pet. I was the poster child, and I thrived off of it.
In high school, I became the target of bullying, because I had zero social skills and group dynamics became too complicated for me to catch up. I became some edgy outsider drowning in self-pity and taking pride in their victim status. When I started dating, I found my role as the „damsel in distress“. I realized guys (especially those with low self-esteem) liked to have something to „take care of“/„protect“/„save from themselves“. I also developed disordered eating habits and suicidal thoughts I was pretty open about to everyone!? My depression/self-esteem-issues magically disappeared during each and every relationship, and returned with a vengeance with every breakup. Due to this reason, I never went a year without a partner. My high school relationships would last 6-12 months each, and I was the one getting broken with every time. I also changed circles of friends a lot, and had a new best friend every few months. The friends who stuck around the longest with me were people with BPD or bipolar disorder, so I developed a habit of looking out for „broken people“ and „weirdos“ to form social contacts. Being there for them provided me „positive attention“, their moodswings „negative attention“. Overall, being around „crazy“ people doesn’t really affect me on an emotional level (if someone’s being self-destructive I don’t feel any real concern, I don’t mind their behavior being „immoral“ as long as it doesn’t affect me personally, etc.) and they’re just more pleasant to be around (more interesting conversations, I can be more open about my actual thoughts, they are more forgiving if I mess up, they have less boundaries, they care more about me than „normal“ individuals etc.). At this point, I was still unaware of why I felt so alienated from humans in general, why my relationships would end (I tried to be the „perfect girlfriend“ according to social standards, picked up their hobbies/interests, tried to immitate their exes...). I always thought I was autistic (thus struggling with figuring out others thoughts and feelings), unattractive and „not good enough“. I grew more and more confused after my post-puberty glow-up (not to sound narcissistic here lol but I lost a bunch of weight, stopped dying my hair in weird colors, learned how to dress well and got rid of my acne; ever since I get hit on by guys quite a lot, and often receive compliments for my appearance, this is why I consider myself take pride in my appearance by now).
In college, I earned a B.A. in Philosophy and Social Sciences. I naturally became less depressed when I had the bullies off my back and could start over again, and I moved out into my own place, effectively ghosting my parents for the next years to come. I valued my peace of mind and personal freedom more than them, and felt too dependent on them for my age (where I live young aduts move out right after their A levels). My parents used to be my „main supply“ of positive/negative attention and entertainment, tho, so I kind of had an overall „mid-life crisis“.
Shortly before I moved out, I had an 8 months relationship with a BPD guy who was an alcoholic, who ended things with me because I made him feel like a failure (he felt like that anyways, but honesty I started agreeing with his negative thoughts a lot, because he made zero effort in listening to my advices or getting his life together, his drinking got worse, he became aggressive towards me, and in the end he cheated, so yeah, I was pretty much toxic towards him and I still feel like he deserved that to a degree). However, I missed the intense relationship we had. Most people pitied me because he was „toxic“ and „abusive“, which was the time I learned about feminist ideology, the mental health community and all those terminologies. By no means I want to put a strain on these communities, because I know they do good things for victims who are actually suffering and in danger - I just took what I learned from the informations they put out there on the internet, and upgraded my game. From personal observations I‘m not the only „manipulator“ who does this, but judging an entire community based on this confession would be wrong, I guess, thus my disclaimer. Or maybe I just don‘t want to close that door for me, huh. Anyways, I missed the intensity of the relationship.
I started dating guys, which was a frustrating experience, because everyone I met was so „shallow“ and „common“. Then, I winded up dating my weed dealer. I hate alcohol and other drugs, because they make people impulsive, irrational and kill their braincells, but weed makes me feel chilled out and collected, so that’s my thing. Well, you know those people who always hang out at your dealers flat, as if they never go home? Well, that was me during that time, lol. I was fairly lonely in that new city, and stoners connect easily. He was a generous, intelligent guy who treated me like a princess, listened to my complaints, would gossip with me over other customers, bathed me in compliments and could cook well lol But what was the most attractive thing about him was what I call his „business man“ voice. He would scam, lie, and play games with others on a daily basis for his own benefit, and whenever he encountered one of his targets, his voice changed completely. I can‘t describe it, but it was, for lack of a better word, sexy lol I got more comfortable with him than I ever got with anyone else, we were basically open about anything we did to others, mind games we played, the inner workings of human beings. Now, this sounds like I take it out of „The Parfume“ lol but his smell was like some narcotic to me, the best smell on earth, I can‘t describe it. Everything about him got me addicted, he was like a drug to me, I never felt like that about anything or anyone else again. Eventually, I initiated sex with him and from that day on we were a couple. We were Bonny and Clyde, except I was only giving him advice, and he followed it. Other than that, I stayed out of his business. We were dating for 14 months. It was a harmonic relationship, if I gloss over the mutual jealously issues and his pathological lying about utter nonsense which annoyed the hell out of me. Also, he kind of leeched off of me, financially speaking, which I was fine with, because I felt what he could provide me was a decent counterweight. Then, he quit his business and started pretending to look for a job. I‘m the detective-type of woman, so I confronted him with his lies and got progressively more aggressive towards him in an attempt to make him change his ways. I really wanted to keep him as a partner, and there was no reason to play games until then, but life would’ve become too stressful with a partner to support financially, so that issues had to be resolved. Then, he broke up with me out of the blue via text. I couldn’t take this serious at first, because he used to threaten to break up quite often, and he used to tell me that he never really cared about our arguments once anyways. But he was, because he had started an ex-customer: A girl, a minor who wanted to „save“ him from his „lifestyle“ whose parents would support the relationship, provided him a better place to live in and filled his wallet. This was the point where things enter the realm of insanity as you‘d expect them lol I befriended yet another ex-customer of his, whose charakter I‘d describe as „dangerous lunatic“ (promiscuous, physically violent, polytoxic druguser, homicidal thoughts...), who had an issue with him anyways, and was willing to „help me resolve the issue“, if I helped her out with issues she had with other people. She wanted to get back at him, and I wanted to get back with him lol It was a terrible fall-out, a drama with several acts, bystander being hurt as collateral damage, yeah. For over one year we would try to destroy each other‘s social circles, living situations, futures and reputations. I ended up outsmarting him, because I collected evidence of his lies, while said „friend“ destroyed evidence of me being a bad person and had a great social network she convinced of me being the victim in this scenario. He wanted to return to me twice during that year, cheating on his SO several times, and I welcomed him with open arms, but he backed off every time, reasoning that he „couldn‘t give up on the life he built“. Then, after a period of silence after my „success“ of destroying his reputation for good (he had accused me of doing something illegal, I actually didn‘t do, which went too far) word was on the streets that he got into bad trouble. Shortly after, he contacted me, saying we „needed to talk“. I went to his place, where I saw him in an unfamiliar condition. He seemed nervous and used his „business“-voice on me, which made me extremely mad, but he wouldn’t cut it out ... Then he explaimed to me that he had received a court order for a psychological evaluation and they have him an ASPD diagnosis. I had no idea what that meant. He then brightened up, and exclaimed: „I‘m a sociopath.“ I looked at him, he looked at me, both expecting further reactions lol „You‘re not... Shocked?“ - „I‘m not even surprised. Please don‘t tell me that‘s why I‘m here. I thought you finally left that child. Does she know?“ - „Yes, she‘s glad I‘m getting help know, she thinks I will change now.“ - „Well, then. One day she‘ll have enough. And then, I‘ll be there. Doesn‘t matter if I‘m seeing someone, you‘re gonna hit me up, alright?“ - „I‘ll keep that in mind. You need to go now, she‘ll come over in an hour, and sometimes she‘s early.“ That was the actual, entire last interaction we had. Of course I got out of my way to fact-check this information by contacting family members of his, and it turned out to be true. I informed myself about the condition, talked to alleged „sociopaths“ online, and slowly caught up on a few things. For example, that my concept of love, friendship, conscience, hurt and boundaries were messed up. I didn‘t think I was a sociopath myself, but I definetly had the narcissist tendencies of some.
I moved around the city twice, made new friends twice, dated a few guys short-term, who were so unbearable nice and boring I basically ended up ghosting them and anyone involved with them. I pulled them back after a while, just to push them away again, so I could feel like the „winner“ of the breakup, tho lol I got more into a workaholic hustler lifestyle, and engaged in charity work, and became a foster mom for pets (animal shelters pay the bills, so that was better than adopting) to fill the void and farm positive attention. Said friend taught me everything about manipulating guys, and I played wing woman for her on the weekends, cleaning up her messes, until she made one that made me „nope out“ of the friendship (not going into detail, but she‘s in jail now). That was a big loss nevertheness, so I was willing to find another long-term partner. My goal was to find someone like my ASPD ex, but I was willing to settle down for less too, if I had no choice. I met the next one on the internet, via the gaming community. It‘s a pound full of hermits and weird guys with mommy-issues, and as an attractive woman you have it extremely easy. We dated for three years, moved in together, but things weren’t as great. We were playing mindgames, and it became apparent that we weren‘t willing to give eachother what we wanted, because there was constant competition when it came to friends, income, the way the household was supposed to be run... About a year in, we both knew we were just faking it, and had agreed on the fact that we‘d leave the other one if we found anyone who‘s „better“ than the other. However, we were kind of too lazy to do so lol and friendship-wise we would’ve gotten along well, so things stayed as they were. Until I had to get a new job (short period of me being unable to provide financial benefits) and got into my masters degree (I was officially more successful than him, and it made him salty). Then, out of the blue, he kicked me out (locks-changed, my stuff dropped at my parents-style) and had ghosted me. I had to crawl back to my parents place temporarily to lick my wounds and find a new place to stay. He was so consequent in his disappearance that I struggled to collect information about his whereabouts, but it appears that one of his exes moved into town and he started chasing her. She‘s got a reputation for being a „crazy girlfriend“, and got an on-off-relationship with her ex/partner. It‘s been a few months, and I‘m still ... surprised how he managed to pull this on me. He always seemed way too kind and naive for my taste, but towards the end he displayed a change of behavior, which confused me. He stopped putting effort into me, because he found a replacement, probably having an affair, and I could slap myself for underestimating him. He also surgically removed people from my life without me even noticing, and I learned that he started spreding lies as well. After doing some research on how to handle that breakup, I figured that he‘s a full-blown low-functioning narcissist, and that I might be a high-functioning one who‘s suffered a „narcissistic injury“ at its finest. A lot of the stuff I learned about myself finally put things into perspective, for example my fluid self-esteem, or why I am obsessed with dating/success. A lot of manipulation strategies I actually used appear to be „common behavior“, so I am taking this into account for my next relationship.
Life still sucks, but I‘m positive one of my exes will come crawling back to me anytime soon. Got a few options on my hand, in case I need to use jealousy or it takes too long for them, and I can‘t stand the single life anymore lol I sound pathetic, but none of you can adjust that easily after a breakup, so that outweights being a needy creature I guess
That was my insight into a narcissist‘s upbringing and dating habits lol I skipped a ton, but these were my favorite episodes of life, the most informative ones for you too, I guess.
Feel free to ask me anything!
submitted by MissNarcy to AMA [link] [comments]


2019.10.10 14:00 Orbanstealsbillions [unrelated to N] Laczkó Géza: Miért nem kell Párizsnak a magyar irodalom?

Az ember ül a Café de la Paix előtt - amely tudvalevően Párizsban van, de nem biztos, hogy az ember, ott ülvén, csakugyan Párizsban van - így télen az üvegfal mögött, az ezüstszínű kürtős bádogvértezetbe öltöztetett koksz-kályha mellett és keresi Párizsban Párizst és önmagát s - ami szörnyű - meg is találja. Mert akkor volt jó, amikor fiatalon az ember elvesztette magát Párizsban, mint valami Bakonyban Adyval; amikor a fénybetűk álló zuhataga, a fekete kövek, a Louvre s a tetőüléses emeletes sárga omnibuszok, a montmartrei híd alatt sírjában fekvő Zola és Stendhal emléke, a vol-au-vent vajas íze és a mi-septier vörös bora apró részekre osztották és felszívták az embert; amikor Párizst lépten-nyomon elvesztette az ember Párizsban s zavarban volt, hol keresse, Napoleon csákójában, Bruand tata kabaréjában, a Notre Dame khimérájában vagy a rue Soufflot sarki kávéházában, ahonnan a Pantheon előtt guggoló Penseur-re és barátságos sarki leányokra nyílt ámult tekintete.
Most itt ülök egy nevetséges «bock» előtt, tudom magam, nem tudom elveszteni magam és tudom Párizst, amely örökre megkerült. Kissé fáradt is vagyok hivatalos szerepelgetések, loholások, némi szónoklatok után. Két kézzel szórtam magamat franciául és magyarul franciának és magyarnak, amitől most hirtelen összezsugorodtam ebben az összezsugorodott Párizsban.
Több Párizst ismertem. A háborúelőttit, amikor csupaszra borotvált arcom még feltűnést keltett s a midinetteok ezért «ó, yes» kiáltással nevettek szemembe a pont des Artson; amikor senki sem akarta nekem elhinni, hogy Hongrois vagyok s mivel nem akartam Austrohongrois lenni, kénytelen voltam azt mondani, hogy kabyl vagyok, amiben szépen megegyeztünk s nem faggattuk tovább egymást; amikor a diáknegyedben csakugyan diákok laktak s a Montmartre nem nemzetközi lokálcsúcs, hanem a bohémeknek az a Montmartreja volt, amelyet most egy helyiségben rekonstruálva láthat az ember különféle consommationok drága díszletéül. Aztán ismertem a közvetlen háborúutáni Párizst, amelyet elöntött és megfertőzött az angol arc, mogorva méltóság és recsegő szó; amikor tébolyult volt a forgalom s a délamerikai rablóvezérek már délután négykor frakk-klakk-lakk-ban léptek ki a champsélyséesi előkelő szálló kapuján; amikor a párizsi aranypatakokpartján japán, magyar, román, arab bandák igyekeztek szerencséjüket kihalászni a tomboló zűrzavarból. Aztán láttam csökkenni ezt a francia ragyogást és nemzetközi világvásárt évről-évre. Míg most itt ülök az összezsugorodott Párizsban.
A japánok hazamentek, mert a Boul' Mich'-en mégse lehet lekaszabolni a kínaiakat, hazaszippantotta a pampák, a salétrom válsága a délamerikai ustedeket is, a magyarok elvonultak a rivaldáról a gyárakba s a carte d'identiték mögé, az angolok otthon maradtak, mert most London olcsóbb, mint Párizs. Tömött kirakatokban lépten-nyomon felvöröslik az elegáns hangzású réalisation szó, amely azonban, sajnos, őszintébb keleteurópai nyelveken egyszerűen végeladást jelent. A louer, a louer! Ordítja minden kaputorok a rue de la Paix-n, ahol déli pihenőkor Paquin tizenegy varrólánya kiáll az utcára s nézi a forgalmat, ami nincs. Kocsiúton átkelni már nem életveszélyes s a híres heure d'affluence-ok idején is kapsz a métro második olcsóbb osztályán helyet. És csodálatos, mindenütt francia szót hallani - Párizsban! Még utóbb teljesen birtokukba veszik ezt a várost a franciák!
Hogy én egyénileg miért zsugorodtam össze, az magánügy. Elég arra utalnom, hogy a hegycsúcsról legtágabb a látóhatár, de XXXX után az ember már kezd lefelé menni a hegy másik lejtőjén s a látóhatár összébb szorul. Effets de la pente, quoi!
Az ember ül a Café de la Paix előtt és filológus lelke összeborzad. Régen arról lehetett megismerni az idegen párizsiasságát, hogy café naturet kért, ma már a pincér maga ajánlja, hogy café noirt hoz. A «fekete» már Párizsban is «fekete» lett. Romlik ez a drága nyelv. Célinere kell gondolnom, ízesen durva mai nyelvére a Voyage au bout de la nuitben, amely vulgáris francia s úgy viszonylik nem is Flaubert és Maupassant, hanem csak Bourget nyelvéhez, mint a vulgáris latin, amely tudjuk a francia nyelv anyja, Cicero klasszikus hömpölygéséhez. De az én fogaim is kihullanak a korral, miért maradjon épp a francia nyelv gyönyörű fogsora hibátlan? Vajjon milyen új román nyelv születik a mai vulgáris franciából?
Szóval ülök a Café de la Paix előtt - régen ezt se tettem, mert mindig volt valami sürgős néznivalóm a Gustave Moreau múzeumban vagy nem tudtam ebédelni, ha nem láttam Saint-Germain-en-Layeben Alésia ostromának remek kis játékrekonstrukcióját zsiletkészülék nagyságú katapultáival - s gondolatban utólag vitatkozom azokkal a franciákkal és párizsi magyarokkal, akikkel a napokban a magyar irodalom párizsi sorsáról beszélgettem.
A magyar irodalom nem kell Párizsnak. Ez a tény. Magam is megállapítottam, de ha elfogultságból vagy rövidlátásból nem teszem, nem lett volna hiány, mert szemembe mondták. Párizsi magyarok. Nem a franciák. A franciák nemzeti maszkul viselt szórakozott mosolyukkal hallgatták előadásomat arról, hogy Anonymustól Vörösmartyn át Adyig, Petőfit is beleszámítva, a magyar irodalom nagy újjászületéseiben a francia művészi eszmékhez fordult lendítő erőért. Nem tudták, miről van szó. Mentegetőzve arra hivatkoztak, hogy nehéz a magyar nyelv. Erre felsoroltam a francia fordításban megjelent magyar műveket. Fogalmuk sem volt róla, hogy ilyesmik is vannak. A párizsi nagy közönség előtt - ideszámítva ujságírókat, irodalmárokat, kereskedőket, úri hölgyeket, a mi lateiner-osztályunknak megfelelő réteget - teljesen ismeretlen, sőt érdektelen a magyar irodalom. Pár ezer példány nem példányszám Párizsban, ahol a Mazeline új regényéből (Les loups) a 165-ik kiadás egy példányát vettem meg.
Szólni akartam, de a hölgy nem adta át a szót.
Ilyeneket vágtak fejemhez, akik őszintén beszéltek. A nem őszinték - a franciák nagyrésze - kitértek a kérdés elől, s ha Adyról beszéltem, a tokaji borról kezdtek csevegni. A tojakit azt ismerik és szeretik.
Igen, - mondom magamban a Café de la Paix előtt - a magyar irodalomban is ki kellene találni valami «tojaki»-t. Akkor lenyelnék a franciák, még csettintenének is utána.
 
Párizs, 1933. február közepe
submitted by Orbanstealsbillions to hungarianliterature [link] [comments]


2019.06.28 13:47 KMbearchairo I (21m) am moving back in with my parents because my Girlfriend (20f) demanded a break.

Like the title says that's the TL:DR of it but for back story.
Me and my girlfriend of 9 months moved in together 3 months ago and are now separating. Backstory on us is we meet in both of ours first college class 2 years ago and were friends up until we started dating in September of last year. We graduated college together both with a 3.5 and were moved in together a month before we graduated. So the beginning of us living together was really stressful, we both work as many hours as we could will doing end of the semester class work, I had 8 classes so I could graduate with her. But after we graduated the stress never ceased, at first she became extremely cold and distance from me until I told her how I felt, were she did put some effort into change her behavior but only for a week at a time until she fell into a pattern of being passionate when I asked her to be and extremely cold towards me when I stopped asking. This was a lot of stress on me because I wasn't get any reassurance and started to feel like she was using me. About a month ago I confronted her about it and instead of being open minded she was extremely hostile and just told me to trust her. After that day it was a spiral, she retreated from me to her phone and started staying out later and later.
We got in a fight about 2 weeks ago over an Instagram comment I made on one of her post that she deleted however kept some else comment up that made the same joke because, "we are dating and I don't want people to think we are sexually active." ( We are both abstinent, and like kissing and making out we do nothing). I got upset, more angry about it in the moment then I should have gotten but, I walked away from her instead of arguing but she was for that and came out and began pick at me for the next three hours until she blew up at me for getting mad and not wanting to argue with her. The next day I had off of work, while she had to go to work, she didn't say a word to me barely looked at me. Me thinking that she is clear upset and will hopefully cool off at work and come home to work through this. But she didn't come home, she went to her guy friend's house and didn't even message me about it. Extremely anger about it I left our apartment and drove for about 4 hours and 220 miles to the capital of our state and back and the whole time I was driving not once did she reach out to me, not once did she check to see if I was okay nothing,except stalk my snapmap.
That night I got home pretty late and while driving pretty much made up in my head because she didn't check on me that it was over.( Let me pref this by saying I really love her and honestly want to marry her). But I sat on our couch mustering up the courage to tell her if this is how it will be then I will move out. When I got the strength to tell her finally I got the words out and broke down, she was kinda sorrowful and helpful and saying please don't and stuff. But the next day she showed me why she didn't come home, while she was at her friends house she found a new place to live, went to check the place out and applied for it all in one go. I told her we need to go easy on each other, try not to stress each other and take it slow, which she kinda of agreed. Saturday of that week she had plans with friends which I was okay with, but she didn't even contact after she left. Sunday she had a bday party with work friends, again okay with that however that afternoon she came home with some news, she had gotten a job interview to be a stripper and an adution for a play. She glossed over the stripper part. She asked if she got the job would I come she her preform and I said no, I think strip clubs are gross and she said you aren't going to support me? I said on this one not really, after processing what she had said I came back to her to finish talking but instead of adknowledging me she was to absorbed in her phone for the play adution. When we finally talked it was civil and explained my reasons for not wanting her to be a stripper, I honestly could not think of my girlfriend in basically being a how, and I told her that where she angrly cancelled the interview. This was Sunday.
By this time I had started to lose my trust in her, I felt like I can't let her make her own decisions and let her be by herself. Monday I went to work and came home and when she got off we went to the store where we talked but not much. That night she didn't say a word to me unless I started the conversation. Tuesday I had my first night shift and when I got home she wasn't excited to see me but almost annoyed in her eyes when I walked in. Again we talk but it was because I started the conversation about our days and after that we didn't talk much.
Wednesday she again went out and I wasn't okay with it, but she didn't care, she wanted to go out. So I let her and I tried to have so me time and went to sleep rather early, but I woke up around midnight to no texts, no messages about where she was so I checked her Snapchat and she was at her friends house watching a movie and I snapped and told her if you don't want to put the effort in don't come home. Pissed she called me and talked me kinda of down and she came home and slept on the couch. Where she asked if she could have some space.
Yesterday she went and saw her parents and I had another nightshift. I was at work and texted her when she will be home and she said eventually. I told her I had been thinking and wanted to talk. She asked about, I said us, and accept that she needed space but I was unsure of how much space I could give her because we live together. We both accepted how toxic we had been lately to each other. I again suggested that we take it easy on each other and put more effort in to keep this and she the said she thinks we should take a break, be roommates and not a couple. I told her I couldn't do that because at this point the only basis of trust we have left is the promises of our relationship. And I said we could try a break but I would need a lot of restrictions to be put in place. She asked if I loved her enough to do it and I said we need to put in our lease cancellation then. I then told her the only think that would work for me is to stay together and work through it, even see a counselor if need but she refused. I told her our basis of trust is our relationship and if that's gone then I have no reason to believe you wouldn't cheat on me even if we are on break, she called the promises that we made to each other " they're just words". And after that it devolved, I left my new job early to come home and pack and to this whole interaction not once was she open minded and willing to compromise. So when it was over and I called my parents to ask to move back in I blew up on her and told her how I have given her everything I could and she has given me nothing.
She came home last night after I was drunk and half packed and said we can still be together but I am not sure how at this point I am so hurt and heart broken. Can we make it work or is it to far gone?
I really really love her and didn't want this to happen but I feel like I was forced in to doing it.
submitted by KMbearchairo to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2018.11.21 14:42 p01ntless Updated October 31st timeline

I've been constructing a timeline given the new angles and affidavits and provides references and pointing out inconsistencies.It includes input from the appeal supporting the narratives by SA's post-conviction counsel.
One should not assume the antenna configurations/locations nor rely on SA's ability to remember minuet details over a decade after the fact in his affidavits. I've included them to see what timeline we get with Avery's appeal information included.
who's who

Oct 31st

Questions:

Timelines


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2018.11.18 17:30 p01ntless October 31st timeline questions

I've been constructing a timeline given the new angles and affidavits and provides references and pointing out inconsistencies.

Questions:

Oct 31st

submitted by p01ntless to TickTockManitowoc [link] [comments]


2018.11.07 17:24 p01ntless The Mexican Dassy standoff

Trying to construct the timeline based on some strange proceedings to see what story we can get from that. I am trying to follow line of events KZ could be laying out. Need to know who's who? check here.

On BoD

BoD and his evident obsessions with extreme pornography involving violent porn, mutilation, dead bodies, skinny (skeleton) and underage girls, combined with his experience with (deer) hunting, calls for a closer look.
From the search records, searches like 'flamed knife', 'knife through skin', 'gun to head', 'car accidents' don't appear until 2006 well after the murder. Although prior to the murder he did search for terms like 'skeleton' and 'alive skeleton' and 'under age girls', he also searched for 'rotten' a site containing gruesome death related content. I believe the PC had such graphic gruesome pictures stored to HD (outside the browser cache).
At this point in time, I am not aware of any indication (other then SA's statement) that BoD knew TH. He had seen her a number of times before though.
BoD's and his brothers and ST provide shaky, changing and some evidently false statements, show either they are covering, or 'bending the truth' to fabricate him an alibi.
The Labrador puppy scratches on Bobby's back are disputed as a forensic pathologist says they are not from a Labrador puppy but human.

On ST

I've been constructing a timeline given the new angles and affidavits and provides references and pointing out inconsistencies.

Questions:

Oct 31st

Nov 1 & 2

On 1st RH called TH cellphone but the inbox was full. That call lasted 4 seconds, the exact time of a full inbox message. Another person too reported the inbox being full on the 1st. On the 2nd, TH cellphone is reported to no longer being full as someone called and left a voicemail after the phone rang a number of times. RH is one of the few known to have access to TH' voicemail. Although perhaps the message was auto deleted.

On RH:

RH is an abusive ex-boyfriend of TH. RH injected himself into the investigation. A senior ex FBI investigator reports that it is highly unusual that LE allowed RH, with his known abusive ex-relationship to TH, to a crime scene on multiple occasion including at least one where he gave a false name (false entry). It is also unusual that RH neither provided nor was asked for or had recorded an alibi for the 31st.
What's more, on Mr. Hillegas' left hand scratch marks were found that a Pathology Forensic Expert reports says is consistent with abrasions inflicted by fingernails.

On Colborn & Lenk:

LE officers Colborn and Lenk both had a conflict of interest in the TH investigation given their involvement to his prior case. They were not only deposed from "Avery's $36M lawsuit within three weeks before Teresa Halbach disappeared.", they themselves volunteered to inject themselves in the TH investigation and flung themselves on SA. Noted from the previous Trial Defense Counsel.

Nov 3rd

Nov 4th

Nov 5th

Nov 6th

Nov 7th

Nov 8th

Larger human bones were found in the Dassey burn barrel. 3 piles of human bones were found in the Manitowoc County gravel pit. A leading fire forensic expert later reported that no human body was burned in the Avery burn pit. They had to have been moved there. The question is who. Potential bone planting occurred 7/8th? something's fishy about the dig up and barrel shifting anyway.
JR reports witnessing activity at the Manitowoc pit just prior to when the the pelvic bones were found at ASY, he believes they were moved from the Manitowoc gravel pit.

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2018.05.29 21:47 pwr0ss New Course Announced: Putting ArcGIS to Use Across Your Organization is our "platform 101" course

Instructor-lead comprehensive introduction to how ArcGIS Pro, ArcGIS portals, and ArcGIS apps work together to streamline workflows, enhance projects, and deliver greater insight.
3 day class has 4 different offering dates
Details and sign-up here: https://www.esri.com/training/catalog/57eb0decee85c0f5204b6e29/putting-arcgis-to-use-across-your-organization/?adumkts=training&aduc=email&adum=drip&utm_Source=email&aduca=T18DemandGen_IL&adut=81414_PAGO_email&adulb=multiple&adusn=multiple&aduat=email&adupt=lead_gen
submitted by pwr0ss to ArcGIS [link] [comments]


2018.05.29 21:47 pwr0ss New Course Announced: Putting ArcGIS to Use Across Your Organization is our "platform 101" course

Instructor-lead comprehensive introduction to how ArcGIS Pro, ArcGIS portals, and ArcGIS apps work together to streamline workflows, enhance projects, and deliver greater insight.
3 day class has 4 different offering dates
Details and sign-up here: https://www.esri.com/training/catalog/57eb0decee85c0f5204b6e29/putting-arcgis-to-use-across-your-organization/?adumkts=training&aduc=email&adum=drip&utm_Source=email&aduca=T18DemandGen_IL&adut=81414_PAGO_email&adulb=multiple&adusn=multiple&aduat=email&adupt=lead_gen
submitted by pwr0ss to gis [link] [comments]