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2020.10.12 20:09 Johaan1025 [THANK YOU]

First, no matter how much I apologize, it can and never will be enough. I have so many wonderful people to Thank... this has been a horrific year for us all, and the connectivity brought by a card, a postcard, a note has been vital to my sanity. I finally came home on Friday, with my 4 legged fur baby after a long spring, and summer. In March, my state was in the grips of the pandemic, at a time when we barely understood everything about this novel virus. I don’t consider myself an essential worker, but a higher being decided I was essential to the essential workers, those incredible people on the front lines of caring for those who had the virus. No amount of Thank You would ever be enough to the people who directly cares for patients with COVID-19, who holds their hands as they say goodbye to loved ones over a video call. I love my work, I really, really do, and many of you may find it incredibly odd when I say, my job isn’t a job, it’s a privilege, and everyday is like inhaling happy gas, but for the first time ever, it wasn’t happy gas... not in the least. I had been asked to come to a couple of cities to provide “relief”, and that’s not unusual in what I do, but it was just longer this time, and it was lonelier because there’s really nowhere to go. I desperately missed home, in the worst possible way, and combined with erratic work hours, I was on the verge of insanity. I finally came home on Friday, and will be in self isolation for 14 days... my furry friend couldn’t be happier, because there were many days he hated me for dragging him along, but I came home to so much happy mail !!!! It literally moved me to tears !! My mom had organized it all by date, so I have been opening one after another, and I can’t even begin to express the amount of gratitude I have for each and every one of you... beautiful cards, with beautiful messages...I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone.
I have a list of wonderful people to send happy mail back, and will be doing that during this time. I got 2 pieces of mail sent out back, so I’m going to be reaching out to them to confirm the address I have is correct. They came back in a ziplock bag with half the card missing, and it never ceases to amaze me that the USPS with all it has to do right now, somehow managed to get it back to the sender. I hope the cards I send, will be enjoyed. I have tried to make them as special as I possibly can. Some of them will reflect what can only be described as a unique sense of humor.
I humbly ask all of you to please, please forgive the late Thank You, but please know every card, every message has been healing for my soul. The kindness of strangers is amazing, and it is through that kindness strangers become friends.
I love adding pictures for you all to see, and I will do that ASAP... I love you all ❤️
u/katier127 : Thank You so much for the Hello Kitty pop up card !! I’ve loved Hello Kitty since as far back as I can remember !! I’m so sad that you don’t have a Sanrio store... It’s such a fun store with all things Kawaii (OMG- it took me so long what Kawaii meant !! )
u/nopoweroverme : Thank you for the San Francisco card !! It’s really one of my favorite cities, and you can see and enjoy a lot of it just by walking... umm... my favorite place ? This is tough cause I love Height Ashbury, China town and the pier... Oh, and the Ghiradelli Square !! I’m gaining weight just thinking about it
u/skylineprophets : Thank you so much for the Bookstore postcard !! Bookstores are my favorite haunts... and I could just spend hours and hours and never be bored. The card is beautiful.
u/bloodmoon9 : I have no words for how beautiful your card is... I absolutely loved it !! You captured my favorite flowers in the best way !! You’re so incredibly talented... at first I thought it was a printed card, and then I realized it was all hand drawn, and I can’t imagine how much time was spent making it... I just love it so much and it is truly one of a kind.
u/google_panda : I loved the postcards !! It was so kind of you to send two cards and a stamp, so that I could spread the joy to someone !! That was incredibly generous of you !! I loved the retro comic book style cards... as a kid, I would wake up at the ass crack of dawn on a Saturday, so I wouldn’t miss the Justice League cartoon... “wonder twin powers... activate”
u/mermaidisaster : Thank you for the super cool protest sign card !! I loved the tiny hands !! I totally agree with the quote you included... honestly, I have never protested before 2016, and now I can’t protest enough... you are right, protesting isn’t a departure from democracy, it is essential to it. You are right about postcards helping us get through the social isolation we are all experiencing... it’s such a joy to go to the mailbox and see a card with a beautiful message.
u/sureperception : Thank you for the totally awesome card with the dinosaur !!! I loved the cheesy riddles !! In my mind, there is no such thing as a to cheesy riddle. I had a blast sharing them with a 5 and 7 year old... the pearls of laughter was a joy for me, so thank you for not only bringing me joy, but bringing joy to 2 special little monkeys
u/sbacon71011 : Thank you for the polka dot card !! I have an obsession with polka dots !! Your message was heartwarming... I love the quote by Anne Frank. I agree these are crazy times, and happy mail is the one thing making isolation bearable
u/malmer23 : Thank You so much for the fluffy puffy postcard !! I loved it !! The Dumbledore quote was perfect, so perfect for the crazy times we are in... hoping things will start looking up soon, but until then, we can all find happiness if we just remember to turn on the light.
u/dwfstr : Thank you for the beautiful postcard !! I love all things vintage !! The quote was perfect... it’s a quote that can be applied to characters in a book, as well as applying to it in people we encounter in life. It’s a quote that requires maturity... a maturity in knowing people are never perfect, and while cherishing their virtues and overlook their flaws.
u/mazukogirl451 : Thank You so much for the animal crossing card !! It is just so cute !! I recently posted something, and was immediately called a “Boomer Meme”... honest to God, I had no idea what it meant.. asked my nieces, who tried to explain it as nicely as possible !! The best was when someone wrote under that comment about checking out my other comments, because it was amazing what a Boomer Meme I was... not a bommer, but even if I was, what can you do except laugh ? So, the Animal Crossing card makes me feel Uber cool 😎
u/capncobbler : OMG how do I express how much I love your card ? It was a treat to open with all the beautiful mandalas and the peacocks !! It’s finally warming up in Michigan... it was crazy cold for May. I’m in a rush to decide, should I plant my vegetables in pots this year, or am I too late? My sister planted a whole bunch of fruits and vegetables but into a tiny space, so I’m interested in some hybrid fruit- vegetables combo !!
u/blueskyday : Thank you for the card... I bust out laughing !! I really love the word, and I’m like a toddler repeating it over and over again... the waffle at the end makes it even better !! Thank you for the smiles and giggles and the joy in trying to explain to my mum what it means (she still keeps asking what does it have to do with waffles?) I love the stickers , and the sweet picture of the bird !!
u/quadropod : Thank you for the gorgeous card !! I love the quote... it’s actually a favorite of mine too... it’s perfect and people would be so much happier if they would embrace it more ☺️ (postcard exchange group)
u/yeoldeprune : Thank you for the Texas card !! The cowboy boot on the card is awesome... totally useless fact about me... lived in Michigan my whole life and I have 4 pairs of cowboy boots, so always have an appreciation for a gorgeous boot. I love Houston and absolutely love San Antonio... hand to heart, never met a mean Texan. It must be great to be back home in your home state after being in Maine !! Certainly very different winters !! I have one dog... 7 pounds when wet, and he’s a handful but have wanted a black kitten forever !! (Postcard exchange)
u/oldefield : Thank you for the Hedgehog card !! OMG so cute !! I love To Kill a Mockingbird, and it’s a must read every year !! I love the movie with Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch !!
u/kittycurler : Thank you so much for the rainbow LOVE card !! It’s perfect !! The message really touched my heart . I love the sticker which has been “borrowed” to decorate a laptop❤️
u/Thebleedingheartshow : Thank you for the Harvey Milk card !! I agree, “Hope will never be silent”... such a beautiful man, and I adore the card. Thank You
u/ladyg8r : Thank you so much for the 4th of July card !! I loved the American Flag stickers on the envelope, and the USA bouquet sticker !! You have no idea how much I have enjoyed being called HRH ☺️
u/808pgh : Thank you for the Christopher Columbus card !! I loved the vintage painting card, and I agree there is no better way to celebrate the 4th of July with family on a boat !!
u/girlofgallifrey : Thank you for the cutest bookstore postcard !! For your first digital project during Quarantine, I think you did an amazing... it’s adorable... I loved the “Oops !! A Daisey” Storefront for slightly squished flowers
u/Brosario : Thank you for the cutest card !! I absolutely loved the front with the 2 women in the pastel outfits ! Very retro !! Please don’t apologize for the delay... life has been insanely crazy for all of us... but I’m happy to hear you are staying well and are happy... P.S. love Thai food !!
u/givemesomespock : Thank you for the Hell, Michigan postcard !! I loved it... as a fellow Michigander, very embarrassed to say I didn’t know it existed... but now I will definitely never forget !!
u/xjanedoe : Thank You so much for the beautiful card, with the awesome drawing of the cactus inside !! My sister lives in Phoenix, so that’s the only time I get to see Cacti only when I go to visit... she even said they have cacti that move ?? Which was odd and terrifying at the same time.
u/witchdusk : OMG thank you so much for the Tarot reading and the Disney card !! It was so fun !! It was so unique, and I’m hoping that 6 of wands will be coming true... will have to keep you posted on how that goes !!
u/smolactor : Thank You for the Galaxy card !! It’s so beautiful... and the gel pen colors worked just fine... I have never thought to keep an online portfolio of my projects, because most of them go to charity, but you gave me a really good idea !! Yes, holidays are fun in our home, cause my sister loves to out bake me... so healthy competition, and it’s fun when we pair up with each of my nieces to see who baked it best !! I’m pleased to say I have perfected the perfect soft boiled egg !!
u/assbutt_idgit_221B : Thank you so much for the Plumeria card !! It’s funny because that’s my favorite scent and Bath and Body works !! I always stock up on the lotion and body spray... the card is beautiful ☺️
u/BKBD2017 : Thank you so much for the Marjory Stone Douglas Card !! I loved it and it was so much fun reading about her and the quote at the bottom about hearing less about men and women and more talk about citizens was perfect !! I loved reading about what had kept you sane during the quarantine... I have always wanted to take up quilting !!
u/pozzledc : Thank you so much for the London Postcard, I absolutely loved it. Thank you for remembering me and sending the card. I love London, and can never get bored... so much to see, so much to eat, and it’s just a fun place to walk around. We were last there last summer, and we went to Buckingham Palace, and I’m a huge Royal watcher.. there was one window open, and my nieces were thrilled for me, thinking the Queen was home, because I said “Look !! The Union Jack is flying, that means she’s here !!” I completely overlooked the fact the Windsor flag wasn’t flying, so she was out of residence 😂
u/jaimeelizabethh : Thank you so much for the Fun Facts card !! I’m a huge fan of fun facts, and love collecting them. It was a happy coincidence it was related to chocolate... I actually ate 2 bars of chocolate in the bathtub, because someone told me you can’t gain weight floating... clearly not true.
u/blondennerdy : I loved the ‘punny’ card !! It really gave me a big laugh !! Give peas a chance !! Puns, one liners, and goofy jokes are my thing... I adore laughing, and thank you because your card did that for me ☺️
u/felineintuition : Thank you for the anime card !! It’s really a privilege to adopt such an awesome card. It’s always the best when you discover something you forget about... it’s absolutely the best !! My niece is a huge anime fan, and got me hooked on Promised Neverland, Death Note and Tokyo Ghoul.. I really enjoyed Promised Neverland and Death Note.
u/lvlovato : Thank you for the Wild Animal Fun Fact card... I would never have in a million years that cougars couldn’t roar, because of the way they’re larynx is constructed... can you imagine how insane if you were face to face with a cougar and it just started purring ?
u/soxgal : Thank you so much for the card and stickers !! I loved all the stickers, and honestly the only thing that’s keeping us sane is being to able to enjoy the little things via live streaming.
u/flip_2001 : Thank you for the beautiful handmade card !! It’s beautiful !! I loved the flower stickers, and your beautiful message in the back. You are a Jack of all trades !! So many hobbies !! I will definitely look into your recommendations.
u/cayt98 : Thank you so very much for Sojourner Truth card !! It’s such a beautiful card !! The quote on the back couldn’t have been more relevant to the times... and I love it all the more because it was said by a woman. You are right, we can never forget the women who contributed so much for all of us ❤️
u/tats76 : Thank you for the beautiful card, with the beautiful quote... I love the fun fact and have already passed it on... knowledge is always power !! You never know if you end up in a Trivia Challenge !! France trying to take credit for French Fries... shame on them, but I’ve never had fries in a Greek restaurant 😜
u/such_kitty18 : Thank you so much for the Karma coloring card... I love it !! The message on the back was perfect !! It’s always hard to explain that, but it’s a character trait, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t put up with it in people.
u/wyrmfang : Thank you so much for the Hollyhock card !! It’s so beautiful !! I adore flowers and am a huge fan of our Tulip Festival up in Holland, Michigan ☺️
u/xlez : Thank you for the absolutely gorgeous painting postcard !! It’s nice to meet a fellow bibliophile... I’m currently reading, “The Death of Vivek Oji” which I’m enjoying. I’m guessing you’ve gotten through all 90 of your cards ? OMG, that’s awesome... you’re spreading a lot of joy ☺️
u/runlongandprosper : Thank you so much for the poem and the doodle, it was perfect.
u/feellikebeingajerk : Thank you for the Invitation to the Luau !! I’m sending in my reply, and I hope you like it ☺️
u/gigi700gigi : Thank you so much for the beautiful card !! Sadly, I ca totally empathize with all the cancellations. Summer is our big family trip time, so we’re missing that as well. Just as we were recovering from being a hotspot, now my sister is in a current hotspot. So it’s extremely disappointing.... I really think we need to push the reset button, or unplug 2020 and wait 30 seconds to plug it back in.
u/sugarkitty : Thank you for the elephant card !! I adore elephants !! I think I’ve seen the elephant documentary on Disney + a million times and I never get bored. They’re just fascinating animals, so your card has made me so happy.
u/AviatrixVixen : First, I appreciate so much being called “Madhavi the Awesome”... that was so sweet, and totally made my day !! Thank you for the happy early birthday wishes ... every year, I do everything hoping my family forgets, but without fail, they remember and my sister and brother in law relish in the joy I’m older !! But one thing.. I love Birthday Cake... I mean like LOVE Birthday cake !! I love the card !! It was bright and colorful, and I loved the inspirational quote, and it was a quote I really needed !!
u/stravvberrycow : I love the card and it was so perfect because I do love cooking !! Baking and cooking is very de- stressing for me !! The only French dish I’ve made is Beef Bourgogne... wasn’t quite as good as I would imagine Julia Child’s to be, especially when my dad asked if I picked it up prepared from Traders Joe !! Your fun facts will be going into my vault of fun facts!! They were the best !!
u/somedrawer : Thank you for the wonderful card and Washi Tape !! I honestly didn’t know the card was upside down... but more than anything, I loved reading your note... it was like a window into your soul. I can see your passion, and compassion, and it was a beautiful thing
u/roboticdumpling : Thank you so much for the amazing card !! I love photography and your card was really awesome !! Thank you for the Rupi Kaur quote... I can never have enough quotes and fun facts ... the stickers were awesome, you could see all the love put into this card... Thank you
u/smolactor : Thank you so much for the gorgeous galaxy card and the stickers !! I loved it... I loved reading and learning Ancient Greek !! It sounds like such a fun class... I loved the Dionysus fun fact !! I’m a huge Greek mythology fan, and I loved the movie, “My Big Fat, Greek Wedding”... Best lines were, “Give me a word any word and I will tell you it has Greek origins” ... I love Greek food, and we have a Huge Greek town !!
u/scottie0319 : Thank you for the crescent moon card !! I love it !! I loved hearing about your 5 rescues... they sound like a handful !! I have a little malti-chon, who is 7 pounds wet. I heard that little dogs are yappy, but was not prepared for next level yapping !! He loves to swim, but gets tired and falls asleep, so he needs supervision. My sister has a giant Newfoundland and she’s such a doll, she always jumps in and drags him back to the edge of the pool.
u/rareexcitement : Thank you for the homemade watercolor card !! It’s so perfect !! That’s such a cute quote !! It’s always funny to hear parents giving their kids life lessons !!
u/suzette393 : Thank You !! I LOVED your card !! Who doesn’t know “Sweet Caroline” ? I didn’t know he has Parkinson’s Disease... very sad to hear. But thank you for taking me back !!
u/loko_lo : Thank you so much for the beautiful card !! I loved reading about your hobbies... I feel like this summer has somehow slipped away too fast, and definitely not a normal summer. You seem to very outdoorsy, but I’m the total opposite !!
u/postcardsfromjenna : Thank you for the beautiful Vancouver artwork card !! I love Vancouver !! I always have a wonderful time when I’m there...
u/kecr101 : Thank You for the Disney Pinocchio postcard !! The running joke in our house, is my mom refuses to acknowledge that our fur baby is not a real boy, so we tease her that’s she’s waiting for him to turn into a real boy. This summer has been a crazy summer... I have done some cooking, not as much art as I would have loved to do, but most of all I miss our family getting together for our family holiday.
u/travellincat : Thank you so much for the World Postcard Day postcard !! I didn’t even know it was a thing, but I’m happy to celebrate the day ! Your wish that my card brings joy to my mailbox is exactly what it did, and I can’t thank you enough !!
u/lavender_icedtea : Thank you for the Mae Jemison card !! I really love these women in science card !! I have made your Chocolate Chip cookies, and they didn’t even make it off the baking sheet !! I added a ridiculous amount of chocolate chips and chocolate chunks... but thank you so much !!
Photos... Because pictures of cards are fun
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2020.07.27 12:05 elvis27JJul Bum-ble Da-ting A-pp

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2019.01.11 01:29 NotNorthD CE Anniversary 5: Into the Cougar Den

A Day Long Ago...........

"You smell like teriyaki and whiskey..." Benjo sighed, filling my glass back up. "It's that bad, huh? Don't... Don't answer that. It's this city, man. You two ain't used to it. This shit has a way of sorting itself out. He just needs his space..."

Benjo nudged the glass against my luscious hair, as my face was nearly buried into the mahogany of this bar. Outside, the cars and buses in Burbank never ceased their humming. They never allowed me a moment of solace. In all the places I've been, none kept me awake or as stressed as the throbbing, constant pulse of Los Angeles. The winds of Texas and Vancouver lulled me to sleep. The sight of the ocean in Cabo was enough to inspire. The rustling of the leaves in Virginia sent a cool sensation down my back. The air here wasn't as welcoming. Lately, life seemed like endlessly trudging through a fog of cigarette smoke. I always felt like i was sinking into a swamp, barely moving forward, like in a bad dream.

Benjo nudged the glass again. I shot up, stabbed him with my pupils, and drank it immediately. As I began to lower my head again, he stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. "We're worried about you, man..."

"Write me a poem, then. David would," I burped in his face.

"Well, David's a pirate now for all we know. Brent's locked-up. And... if what you say is true.... Jeremy and Girdis aren't visiting anytime soon..."

Benjo was right, I knew. Jeremy had been loyal to Aysen since they were wee lads, and Girdis had been loyal to Jeremy. If the divorce went through, surely they would choose Aysen's side.... his friendship over mine....

I took another swig of my whiskey. "David and the rest can walk the plank for all I care. Fuck 'em. Fuck all of 'em. I don't need anyone," I burped again. "Y-You're doing your best, Benjo.... but you're no Jeremy.... You're no lumberjack.... You're no Aysen..... You're no lumbersnack...." and I nearly vomited in my own mouth.

Benjo gave me a long look before saying, "I'm doing my best here, Cristler. I hate seeing you like this. And my name's not Benjo... It's Ben or Benjy.... Hell, I'd accept Benji. I'd even accept Invader Zimm, but I won't accept another ungrateful burp to the face. I'm gonna go drain my snake and count to a thousand. When I get back can you be, like, 40% less of a dick?" and he was gone, walking into a dimly lit haze of cigarette smoke and vaporized sweat.

"Drama queen," I slurred, pressing my empty glass to my mouth. I slammed it down after realizing it was empty, annoyed, and allowed my eyes to list lazily over the room. "W-Where's that Asian boy? Garcon! More whiskey!" I shouted, a reference I had half-forgotten. The barkeep sighed and looked down as he walked over to me. He was white and bearded, far from the Asian I had grown accustomed to in Vancouver.

"Another White Walker?" he nodded, pointing to my glass.

"W-White? No... No, make it a Johnnie Walker. I ain't no f-fucking nerd!" I bellowed, nearly falling off my stool.

"Whatever you say, pal..." and the barkeep took the glass away.

"Yeah! You tell him, hon!" a woman's voice called from down the bar. I looked over just in time to receive a wink from a face covered in makeup and sweat. This woman was older than me by maybe fifteen years with flowing, curled black locks and a tattoo of a fox wrapping around her neck. She only wore denim overalls, barely able to cover her huge tracks of land.

Myself, an intellectual, winked back.

Her eyebrows raised to resemble mountaintops, and she approached me. She waddled over and plopped herself down on Benjo's stool. "What's your name, handsome?" she gawked.

"Call me Squirrel," I said, winking again, accepting the Johnnie Walker from the barkeep without even looking at him.

"They call me Gallops With Horses," this middle-aged white woman said. "And I'll do anything for a good time!"

"That's why I'm here," I winked a third time. I imagined taking Gallops With Horses back to my apartment. She would be all over me during the elevator ride up to the 5th floor, sucking on my neck and scalp and whatnot. She would start undressing me in the hallway, and by the time I turned the keys to my door we'd both be stripped nude. I would destroy her all over my couch, breaking the wooden frame and crushing my glass coffee table under the weight of her tattooed ass. Then, right as I'm about to climax, I would look out my window to make eye contact with Aysen, who had stacked 7 reindeer atop--

"Cristler, come suck my dick in the bathroom for a second!" Benjo interrupted, immediately dragging me away with one hand while sampling my whiskey in the other.

"W-What the fuck? Benjo?? I came here to have fun..." I burped.

"Not that kind of fun. You need... healthier fun." Benjo took me to the jukebox and immediately started flipping through the available tracks. "Don't worry, I know you hate Bowie..."

"She's gonna notice we're not in the bath--" I started, looking over at the bar. Gallops With Horses was staring at us with a wide, yellow smile. Apparently she had multiplied, because two other women with similar smiles stood behind her, also watching us. "B-Ben..."

"Here we go. Blinded in Chains. This song will almost literally kill you and it's just what you need," Benjo smiled, looking at me. It was the first time Benjo had smiled in years.

The song began. A rapidly ticking bass drum erupted across the bar, paralyzing the cougars. The singer's voice (some guy named M Night, right?) seeped across the cigarette and sweat fog like a curse. " And we're at it again, I turn around another fucking war, man. I don't know where to begin, but I'll start with the radical leaders..." the voice hissed, and Benjo climbed atop the jukebox and began playing the air drums like it was nobody's business. He hit his foot pedals and hi-hats in perfect sync with the song. He slammed on one pedal with his left foot, and the other with his right... and he lost his balance....

But Benjo did not fall off the jukebox. He ascended. Like the Winter Soldier Christ On A Bike he is, he rose above us all and went into a drum solo that vibrated my very skeleton. My glass of Johnnie Walker exploded in my hand, and the shards of glass crumpled into sand, tickling the webbing between my fingers. I looked over at the bar again to see the faces of the three women melting off. The three faces congealed into a tan mass on the floor, merging into the shape of a squirrel that struggled to hop away. The barkeep turned on the television to touch himself to a televised DOTA match I had won as a younger man, all while stroking to the rhythm of Benjo's drums. I looked back up at Benjo to see that he now had a silver arm and white, glowing robes. He opened his arms to me--

"CRISTLER!" Benjo shouted, shaking me. We were outside the bar. I was looking down at a puddle of vomit coating my shoes.


"Christ on a bike.... I leave you alone to piss for 3 minutes and you get roofied by Burbank's Finest," he sighed, rolling his eyes and patting me on the back. "These women roam the streets like coyotes here. Single.... Desperate... and Horny."

I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and managed to smile up at Benjo. "Good thing I'm Tall... Dark... and Handsome."

"Shut the fuck up, Cristler...."

submitted by NotNorthD to Cristler [link] [comments]

2018.08.01 01:03 shawnee_ Portland Metro "long weekend" community happenings. List curated from the Interwebs, just for you! August 2-5 2018

The List

Thursday 02 August, 2018

Friday 03 August, 2018

Saturday, 04 August 2018

Sunday, 05 August 2018

submitted by shawnee_ to PortlandMetro [link] [comments]

2016.03.10 05:55 rwplum MILK

Between the ages of 7 to 14, I lived in British Columbia, Canada. I lived on a small game farm, teetering on the last edges of civilization. We were situated a private road that was approximately ¾ of mile long, with a neighbor at the far end, home not visible from ours. Then there was our farm, and then thousands upon thousands of acres of Crownland (land owned by the Canadian government). What was beyond that, besides the glacier visible from our house, I couldn’t tell you. I lived with my mother and father, my sister, three years younger than I, and my brother, three years older than me.
As you can tell, we were very isolated. As we lived at the very far end of the busing routes for school, we had to be at the bus-stop by approximately 545 am, and we would be dropped off at nearly at 5pm in the afternoon. Now, since our drive was located on a logging road, rather than a real road, we had to be dropped off at different road to even get picked up by the bus. It was always dark when we caught the bus, and during the winter, it was often starting to get dark when we were picked up after school.
This was never a big deal, really, until the year mom had to go back to work. Our little farm was struggling and my father had some setbacks at work. Mom went to work for the same company, doing deliveries. This meant that they both had to leave for work before we were even close to being due for the bus, as the commute into Vancouver could take up to three or more hours, longer if they get caught in traffic! They would be gone when we woke up, and sometimes they wouldn’t be home until at 8pm or later, depending on if they were forced to take the ferry over because they closed off the roads over the dam again for ‘maintenance’ that never seemed to end.
I think the long, long walk to the bus stop in the dark bothered my sister and brother more than it did me. My sister was young, impressionable, and my brother liked to tease her about what goes bump in the night. Usually in the process of frightening her, he would make himself uneasy too. He’s the type of person who watched ‘Fire in the Sky’, against all advice, and then had to sleep with the light on in the hallway for the rest of his teenaged years, annoying the absolute shit out of his insomniac middle sister, who wanted absolute dark to be able to fucking sleep. Despite admittedly freaky attempts to convince me my room was haunted by sneaking in while I was sleeping and moving dolls around into different positions, and using a fishing string to pull a creaky door open as if on its own power, we would engage in nightly battles of ‘lights on, lights off’ until I inevitably won, because I was always the last asleep.
After mom started working, we had to develop a new routine. Up before 5am, see to the animals, food, water, bottles for the baby ones, if we had any at the time, let the geese, pigs and horse out to graze, change for school and start our walk to the bus stop. In the dark.
I don’t know if you’ve had to walk along a lonely logging road in the dark. Even with two others with you, it can be a tad unnerving. The whispers in the tall pines that reach up into the sky, blending together with the darkness, so you can’t tell where branches end and the sky begins, the sounds of animals scurrying, sight unseen, the occasional haunting call of a loon, or the bark of a coyote. It’s eerie, I don’t mind telling you, and I’m definitely not one to spook easy.
You had to be careful too. We always had flashlights, with spare batteries, in our backpacks. Not just to see, but to give the passing trucks warning flashes that we were there. On either side of the logging road, there was a sharp drop-off. The road had been built on a grade, dirt piled up and packed together to form the road through the trees. No paving. Sometimes we had to crowd to the side of the road to allow a lumbering logging truck to slide past us, the entire road vibrating, soil sliding down the steep grade with a hiss, the wind almost pushing us off our feet…one more step back, and we’d fall into the ravine, where you could see rocks and sharp broken branches sticking out. They often went by too fast, and we would flash our lights at them indignantly. Numerous complaints to the logging companies who used the road had availed my parents nothing. They still went too fast on the curving road, unmindful that a blind corner could reveal three adolescents trudging to the bloody school bus.
Nothing ever happened, though. We always made the journey safely. Together. There was one time, and one time only that I made the walk alone.
It was entirely stupid, how it happened. Even though I was the middle kid, I would often end up being put in a supervisory role for my siblings. My brother, even though older, was not exactly someone you would use descriptors like: responsible, conscientious, aware.
At any rate, we were out of milk at the house, and mom had given me some money for the convenience store across the street from the school. The idea was that I was to run over, get what we needed (as well as permission to get some candy for myself and my siblings, or just myself, if I decided to be a little brat), and get back to the bus.
What I had forgotten, though, is that I had crossing guard duty that afternoon (again, something I don’t think they allow kids to do these days. Pity. I loved the pizza parties we would get every couple of months for doing it). I figured, though, I still had enough time to put in my twenty minutes, run across to the store and still make it to my bus. After I threw my vest to my relief, I darted across the street, only to realize I had lost the money. Twenty dollars. That was not an amount I wanted to tell my mother I had lost. I ran back to the school, combed the crosswalk, my classroom and then finally found it by the swings. I checked my watch, still had fifteen minutes to go until the bus would be allowed to leave, so I ran back to the store.
By the time I had paid for everything and come back out, my bus had left! I still had five minutes. The son of a bitch had left early! And somehow, my brother had failed to notice that I was not on the damned bus and didn’t tell him to wait, and my sister, who would have noticed because she always sat next to me, was not on the bus that day. She was spending the night at a friend’s house and gotten a ride after class.
It was different when I was a kid. Bus drivers didn’t really take note of who did or did not get on a bus. I recently had to pick up a friend’s child from the bus stop a couple of weeks ago and my friend had to have my driver’s license faxed to the transportation office to have on file so that I could pick up her kid! That blew my mind. I’m not entirely convinced my bus driver wouldn’t have handed me over to a bloody Sasquatch at my stop, so long as it got me off the damned bus.
I told my teacher, but there was nothing they could really do. The late bus would be leaving in an hour and a half, so I would have to wait for that one. I don’t know if anyone bothered to call my parents, but my guess would be no. Different time, and all that. It wouldn’t have mattered. My parents were far enough away that even if they had left work right then, I would still beat them to the bus stop. I had to console myself with the thought that at least my asshole big brother would not only have to do his chores with the animals, but mine and my sister’s as well. Seeing as my chores included milking the goats, including Psychotic Monday, corralling the geese for the night (They would respond to my hand commands, but no one else’s), and tricking the large boar that hated him into back into its enclosure, he was going to regret my missing the bus more than I was.
I kicked back in the school library, with my gallon of milk. the candy bars that were now all mine, by virtue of my brother being a jerk, and a book and waited for the late bell to announce that the last buses of the day were there. Finally, the bell blared and I went to catch my bus. It was a different bus driver than who usually drove our route, so I had to explain to him where I was to be dropped off. Of course, I would be the last kid off. I always was. The first on, the last off. I do not miss the days of public school bussing.
It was nearing 7pm when we finally reached my stop. The bus driver, bless his heart, looked uncertain about leaving me there. There was no one to pick me up (of course, if it had been my little sister who missed the bus, I would have been sitting there, waiting for her when she got off. Not so with my big bro. Apparently, I can just suck it), and it was dark as all hell, on a lonely road, and that wasn’t even the road my house was on. I assured him that it was all normal and that I had made the walk in the dark thousands of times. Never alone, of course, but that I didn’t tell him. I just wanted to get going. There was a movie dad had rented from Roger’s Video that he said we couldn’t watch, and of course, I had been planning on watching it while they were at work. The clock was ticking on that one.
Also, I really needed to get home so I could whoop my big brother’s ass for leaving me to die at school, but that probably goes without saying.
The bus drove off, and I sat my backpack down and began to dig in it, looking for my flashlight. And this is the second stupid thing I had done that day. I could recall clearly now, my hurried packing up. The backpack not closing right, my quickly removing everything, putting it on the library table, putting the milk back in first, followed by my books, all in a hurry, not wanting to miss the late bus as well.
My flash light sitting on the table, somehow not making it back inside.
I groaned as I hitched my heavy as hell backpack full of schoolbooks and milk and started hiking off the dirt logging road. In the dark. Hoping that a logging truck wouldn’t come down it that late at night, as I didn’t have a way to signal my presence now.
I passed the house with the guy whose dog was a jerk. It would always run halfway down the driveway, barking and snarling until being arrested by the length of chain clipped to its collar. I barely paid him any attention, but thought it odd when it started with its usual routine, but stopped before it even reached the end of its chain, whined loudly and then slunk back towards the house. I figured the owner must’ve called it or something. I didn’t hear him, but sound travels weird out here, sometimes. Someone’s who is calling you from nearby can sound a lot farther away in the woods, or sometimes a whole lot closer. I never knew why. Maybe something to do with sound waves bouncing off tree trunks.
After that house, there would be nothing until I reached the neighbor’s house at the end of the road. If I was lucky, maybe he would be outside tinkering with his four-wheeler and I could ask if he could buzz me up to my house and save me a longer hike. The damned backpack was heavy. I wish I had just said ‘screw the milk’ and gotten on the bus instead. I didn’t even drink milk. My little sister, though, she always wanted Froot Loops (or rather, the off-brand version of it) in the morning, drowned in milk. She wouldn’t eat anything else. Not even a pop-tart. Little freak. If I wasn’t so fond of the little brat, and wouldn’t have to explain to mom why I tossed expensive milk onto the side of the road, I’d have dumped it right then and there.
Now, as I said, I had walked this route many times by this point, but never alone. Never without a flashlight. I’m not easily spooked though. I was not frightened by strange lights in the sky, or the sounds in the woods surrounding me. There was a steep ravine between myself and the woods, at least. I was not stupid. I was well-aware of the dangers of the Canadian wilderness. There were the coyotes, but they were more of a bother with the livestock than with humans, and wolves, but very rarely were they a concern. I had seen numerous bears, mostly black, in my years there, and moose. I was more afraid of a moose than I was a bear. Most of the time, the bears would just amble off, not bothering with us, as long as we were smart about it. Moose were less likely to back down. I did not want to be caught on an impassable road with a moose in front of me.
I squinted into the darkness ahead of me, just trying to make sure nothing moved up ahead, nothing big, that could give me advance warning of a moose or bear. I couldn’t see a damned thing. Even if the moon had been out, the clouds were too heavy above to allow any light to bleed down to me. I kept to the center of the road, so as not to accidentally venture too near to the edge that led to the drop-off. It was too dark to even check my watch, to see how much time had passed; it was analog, not digital, which would have offered a greenish, comforting glow. It was hard to tell where I was, exactly. Without my flashlight, I couldn’t tell one tree from another, and I hadn’t thought to count the curves in the road until it was too late.
I felt so small, so tiny, surrounded on all sides by large trees, the darkness pressing in on me, almost suffocating. These woods were vast, filled with primeval trees that had seen the world before there was a Christ, before there were white men on these shores. The ache in my back and shoulders from the heavy backpack distracted me from having a complete existential crisis about my place in the vastness of space and the universe, at least.
Mainly, I was annoyed, tired, sweaty and wishing that whole day would just go away. I was no longer looking forward to an illicit violent movie. I just wanted to cuddle my goat, Sidekick, have a bath and then go to sleep.
I suppose I became lax in my attention, distracted as I was by my personal discomfort. I don’t know how long the steps had been audible before intruding in on my inner bitching, but an uncomfortably long while was my best guess. One moment, I was muttering beneath my breath about my jerk brother getting it when I told my mom and dad what had happened, and the next, I heard the low shuffling sound of something being dragged across gravel, and then the echoing fade of stones tumbling down a steep grade.
I didn’t feel the hairs raise on the back of my neck. They were already raised, as if they were already on alert while I was mentally whining. I froze in place, whipping my head around, staring behind me into the darkness. I couldn’t see anything, but I heard another shuffle before whatever was behind me froze as well. I waited, staring, squinting, trying to resist the urge to run. If I started running, whatever animal behind me might decide to start chasing me. If it was a moose, running was all I could do, but if it were a bear or a bobcat or a cougar, running might intrigue it.
Even though I saw nothing, I could feel it staring. Its eyes were all over me. Sizing me up. Maybe trying to decide if I was a threat or not. I didn’t feel like a threat. I felt like a morsel. A tiny little mouthful, complete with milk. I waited. It waited. Neither of us moving for what felt like an eternity. Finally, unable to take it anymore, I lifted my arms in the air, screamed and shouted. Nothing in particular. Nonsense, mostly. Maybe a ‘git!’ or ‘go away!’ thrown in, here and there.
There was no response. No shifting of shadows to indicate movement, no sounds of running, either away or towards me. Just silence. I’ve heard people say that when they go camping, it’s so quiet and peaceful. I always just stare at them. The woods are never silent. There’s crickets, the calling of night birds, the flap of bat wings, the rustle of the fox or rabbit in the underbrush, or the scream of a rabbit being killed by the fox, and in some places, like where I live now, you hear frogs and cicadas, all night long, but it’s never silent. That night, alone on the road, in the darkness, with that thing, it was SILENT. Even the scream of a dying rabbit would’ve been comforting.
I shivered. I didn’t feel hot anymore. I was still sweating, but it was a cold, damp and foul-smelling sweat, acrid with fear and the byproduct of adrenal glands working overtime. My mouth had gone dry, my eyes were burning from attempting to pierce the shadows behind me, and my ears were straining to hear a sound, any sound at all.
And those eyes, those goddamned, awful eyes I had never seen, still boring into me, ripping into me. This wasn’t a moose, I was certain. It would’ve run away or run me down by now. Or I would’ve had heard it pawing the ground with its great hooves, or hear it snorting through its great velvety nose.
I don’t know why, but I felt as though whatever it was, it was lower to the ground than a moose would be. Crouched, maybe? Like a cougar? I began to back away; I didn’t dare turn my back on it. Whatever it was. I needed to see, if the shadows moved, if it coalesced from the nebulous darkness into a solid shape. I both wished for it and dreaded it, with equal parts of my soul.
I had gotten a few yards away, when I heard the dragging shuffle again. It was like when my sister would drag her feet on the road, kicking up gravel and dust, not lifting her feet all the way. Except it was bigger. Heavier sounding. There was a strange clicking beneath it too. Not metallic. I didn’t know the word for it, not then. It reminded me of the sounds those giant beetle things in the ‘Dark Crystal’. Chitinous. I read it in a novel once. That’s the sound I heard. I know it. Insectile and inhuman. The word is perfect.
My shirt was soaked with sweat now. I was backing away faster; I should have turned to run then, but I was unreasonably terrified of turning my back on it. Whatever it was. As if just act of turning around would catapult it towards me. That keeping my gaze in its general direction would make it keep its distance.
I thought I saw things, then, as the clouds shifted, allowing a sliver of light to escape. Glimmers of oil on pavement, black on black. But there was no pavement. Only dirt and rocks. It was above the road, not on the road, in any case. It was gone the next second. Hints of something other in the darkness, but not enough, not nearly enough. What was fear-based hallucination and what was reality?
The dragging, the clicking, it was louder now. Closer. Quicker. I nearly fall, stepping on a stone, teetering in place as my balance was lost, arms wheeling out to the side. The milk was overbalancing me, shifting in my backpack. I caught myself, just in time, maybe those years I had spent in gymnastics before we had moved here had helped, that time on the balance beam, but the inattention cost me. I had dropped my gaze, looking away as I fought to keep from falling.
I don’t know who started screaming first, me or it, but I finally turned and bolted down the road. I was suddenly flung forward, something had crashed into me. My body overtook my feet, and I hit the ground, palms and knees scraping across rock, embedding into my flesh. I was still screaming, hoarsely, loudly, as I was shaken back and forth twice before I managed to twist myself out of my backpack.
It could keep the fucking milk.
I kept running, never looking back, head down, no longer screaming as the air burning in my lungs was too precious to waste. There was another scream, but then there were lights, blinding lights, high above me; a truck horn drowned out the screams as I flung myself in front of it, waving my arms, shouting. There was no time for it to stop, though, and I had to dive to the side. I hit the road, rolled, started sliding down the ravine as the truck tires screeched above me. The rumbling sent rocks and stones tumbling around me as I scrambled to catch onto the brush on the side of the ravine. There was another ear-piercing whistling scream, followed by a visceral crunch. It was the sound of a boy stomping on snails on wet pavement.
I was crying, clinging to the side of the ravine, unable to get back up. My palms, cut when I had fallen on the road, burned painfully and I could barely keep my grip. I would slide a little every time I attempted to adjust it. Above me, I could hear a man cursing loudly, a door opening, and then ‘Oh my God, oh my God…’ I called out to him, and he peered over the edge of the ravine, and then he was beside me, helping me to climb back up. I tried to look back down the road, but he grabbed me firmly, pushing me into the cab of his truck, telling me to sit still and shut up. Before he could switch off the lights, I saw something…a single long slender pole, black, shining with that rainbow-hued luminescence I had seen when the moon had briefly appeared. It looked as though it was stuck to the grill of the truck.
He was asking me questions, but I was shaking too hard to answer them, I could only manage to point in the general direction of my home, but then there were other lights, a car, my mom and dad, finally coming home from work. Their lights half-way blinded me, but I could see the look of horror on both their faces when they got out of the car and the truck driver moved to intercept them.
They were pointing at the truck, at me, I thought at first, but then realized they were pointing at the grill. At whatever was there.
I wanted to know…but I also didn’t want to know. When dad finally came to get me out of the truck, he only told me to close my eyes. Mom had turned off the lights in the car. Maybe so I wouldn’t see if I looked again. It was still dark, but I could see just enough.
I wish I had never looked.
I wasn’t allowed to talk about that night. Not to my sister, not my brother. Not anyone. Mom quit her job, stayed home after that. I would have thought I had gone crazy, but we were never allowed to walk to or from the bus stop alone again. We never went out to the farmyard at night alone, not from then on until we sold the farm several months later and moved to Pennsylvania.
I still have no idea what was in the darkness that night, what ripped off my backpack and only left blue strips on the ground for my dad to find.
I only know this:
I am no longer comfortable in the dark because there was no body stuck to the grill of that truck, and none alongside the road.
Only a single black chitinous leg, twice the length of my entire body, bent at segmented joints, covered in razor-sharp spikes and thick bristle-like hairs the width of my thumb.
Somewhere, out there, it still stares from darkness, watching, waiting, for someone else to make that long, lonely trek through the woods.
submitted by rwplum to nosleep [link] [comments]

2015.01.10 12:30 TeroTheTerror Flair Breakdown for /r/Hockey

Used python and PRAW to pull all the flair info for the sub and here are the results:
Raw Counts

By League

NHL - 63511

Team Users
Chicago Blackhawks 5124
Toronto Maple Leafs 5040
Boston Bruins 4998
Detroit Red Wings 4618
Vancouver Canucks 3751
Pittsburgh Penguins 3591
Montreal Canadiens 3403
Philadelphia Flyers 3034
New York Rangers 2956
San Jose Sharks 2492
Los Angeles Kings 2135
Washington Capitals 2079
Minnesota Wild 1944
New Jersey Devils 1878
Colorado Avalanche 1680
Ottawa Senators 1647
St Louis Blues 1593
Buffalo Sabres 1324
Anaheim Ducks 1322
Edmonton Oilers 1311
Dallas Stars 1146
Calgary Flames 1099
Columbus Blue Jackets 926
Winnipeg Jets 882
Tampa Bay Lightning 776
New York Islanders 681
Nashville Predators 633
Carolina Hurricanes 574
Arizona Coyotes 539
Florida Panthers 335

IIHF - 1921

Team Users
Canada 726
United States of America 389
Sweden 272
Finland 216
Russia 57
Latvia 49
Slovakia 38
Czech Republic 32
Norway 30
Switzerland 28
Great Britain 16
Slovenia 16
Germany 14
Austria 13
Japan 8
Denmark 7
Kazakhstan 5
Belarus 3
Belgium 2

NCAA - 1190

Team Users
Minnesota Golden Gophers 125
North Dakota 84
Wisconsin Badgers 73
Michigan Wolverines 52
RIT Tigers 50
Boston University Terriers 50
Maine Black Bears 42
Northeastern Huskies 41
Boston College Eagles 40
RPI Engineers 40
Michigan State Spartans 38
Vermont Catamounts 37
Cornell Big Red 33
Penn State Nittany Lions 31
Michigan Tech Huskies 30
UMass Lowell River Hawks 29
Minnesota-Duluth Bulldogs 28
Miami of Ohio Red Hawks 27
Union College 22
New Hampshire Wildcats 19
Clarkson Golden Knights 18
UMass Minutemen 17
Alabama-Huntsville Chargers 15
Western Michigan Broncos 15
Ferris State Bulldogs 14
Yale Bulldogs 14
Ohio State Buckeyes 14
Notre Dame Fighting Irish 14
Nebraska-Omaha Mavericks 13
St. Cloud Huskies 12
Bemidji State Beavers 11
Denver Pioneers 11
Colorado College Tigers 9
Northern Michigan Wildcats 9
Harvard Crimson 9
Quinnipiac Bobcats 9
Dartmouth Big Green 8
Bowling Green Falcons 7
Alaska Nanooks 7
Robert Morris Colonials 7
Brown Bears 7
Minnesota State Mavericks 6
Providence Friars 6
UConn Huskies 6
Princeton Tigers 5
Alaska-Anchorage Seawolves 5
Lake Superior State Lakers 5
Air Force Falcons 4
Merrimack Warriors 4
St. Lawrence Saints 3
Canisius Golden Griffins 3
Niagara Purple Eagles 2
Mercyhurst Lakers 2
Bentley Falcons 2
Colgate Raiders 2
Depaul Blue Demons 1
Army Black Knights 1
AIC Yellow Jackets 1
Holy Cross Crusaders 1
Sacred Heart Pioneers 0

Old NHL - 965

Team Users
Hartford Whalers 257
Quebec Nordiques 164
Minnesota North Stars 163
Atlanta Thrashers 154
Vancouver Millionaires 62
Kansas City Scouts 46
Colorado Rockies 44
California Golden Seals 42
Atlanta Flames 24
Seattle Metropolitans 8
Cleveland Barons 1

AHL - 672

Team Users
Grand Rapids Griffins 72
Milwaukee Admirals 51
Houston Aeros 41
Toronto Marlies 40
Texas Stars 40
StJohns Ice Caps 37
Providence Bruins 36
Hershey Bears 32
Rockford Ice Hogs 27
Rochester Americans 27
Lehigh Valley Phantoms 24
Norfolk Admirals 24
Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins 22
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submitted by TeroTheTerror to hockey [link] [comments]

2014.03.13 21:53 tnick771 State of the Avalanche Property: March 2014

Going to make this a monthly thing to spread knowledge about our prospects/property. Feel free to discuss these guys, post videos, complain about them, etc.
Sources:, EliteProspects


Name Obtained Team League GP G A P
Andrew Agozzino Signed 2013 Lake Erie AHL 58 12 26 38
Joseph Blandisi #162 in 2012 Barrie Colts OHL 47 24 36 50
Troy Bourke #72 in 2012 Prince George Cougars WHL 60 25 48 73
Michael Clarke #132 in 2012 Peterborough Petes OHL 61 20 25 45
Nate Condon #200 in 2008 U. of Minnesota NCAA 34 7 12 19
Guillaume Desbiens Signed 2013 Lake Erie AHL 44 5 4 9
Mitchell Heard #41 in 2012 Lake Erie AHL 51 3 6 9
Joey Hishon #17 in 2010 Lake Erie AHL 37 9 10 19
Bryan Lerg Signed 2012 Lake Erie AHL 35 12 15 27
Garrett Meurs #123 in 2011 Lake Erie AHL 51 6 7 13
Luke Moffatt #197 in 2010 U. of Michigan NCAA 31 11 11 22
Mark Olver #140 in 2008 Lake Erie AHL 47 12 22 34
Denis Parshin #72 in 2004 TN Novgorod KHL 46 15 18 33
Michael Sgarbossa Trade 2012 Lake Erie AHL 31 3 12 15
Colin Smith #192 in 2012 Lake Erie AHL 58 7 15 22
David VDG Signed in 2010 Lake Erie AHL 17 8 1 9
Tomas Vincour Trade 2013 Ak Bars Kazan KHL 39 6 5 11
Luke Walker #139 in 2010 Medvescak Zagreb KHL 36 1 2 3
JT Wyman Signed 2013 Lake Erie AHL 48 4 12 16


Name Obtained Team League GP G A P
Gabriel Beaupre #153 in 2011 Lake Erie AHL 50 3 4 7
Chris Bigras #32 in 2013 Owen Sound Attack OHL 54 4 21 25
Will Butcher #123 in 2013 U. of Denver NCAA 32 7 6 13
Cody Corbett Signed 2014 Edmonton Oil Kings WHL 51 15 39 54
Stefan Elliott #49 in 2009 Lake Erie AHL 48 9 11 20
Mason Geertsen # 93 in 2013 Vancouver Giants WHL 56 3 14 17
Jonas Holøs #170 in 2008 Lokomotiv Yaroslavl KHL 52 6 8 14
Matt Hunwick Trade 2010 Lake Erie AHL 46 10 20 30
Markus Lauridsen Signed 2013 Lake Erie AHL 29 2 6 8
Duncan Siemens #11 in 2011 Lake Erie AHL 29 1 0 1
Karl Stollery Signed 2013 Lake Erie AHL 50 5 17 22
Ben Storm #153 in 2013 St. Cloud State U. NCAA 28 0 1 1
Wilhelm Westlund #183 in 2013 Färjestad SHL 11 0 0 0
Gus Young #184 in 2009 Yale U. NCAA 31 7 11 18


Name Obtained Team League GP GAA S%
Sami Aittokallio #107 in 2010 Lake Erie AHL 26 2.69 .909
Spencer Martin #63 in 2013 Miss. Steelheads OHL 61 3.58 .897
Kieran Millan #124 in 2009 Denver Cutthroats CHL 11 2.68 .921
Kent Patterson #113 in 2007 Denver Cutthroats CHL 32 2.68 .918
Calvin Pickard #49 in 2010 Lake Erie AHL 36 2.81 .905


- - F D G
- - 19 14 5
AHL 19 11 6 2
OHL 4 2 1 1
WHL 3 1 2 0
NCAA 5 2 3 0
KHL 4 3 1 0
SHL 1 0 1 0
CHL 2 0 0 2
submitted by tnick771 to ColoradoAvalanche [link] [comments]

2013.01.15 11:22 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: I drive a shuttle for a pub. AMA.

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2013-01-14
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Link to my post
Questions Answers
What country are you in? What prompted you to do this? I'm Canadian. Lots prompted me to do it. Money, obviously. Also public service. I've wanted to be a public servant my whole life, following my dad and the career he made out of it, and what better public service is there than getting drunks home safely at the end of the night? It's incredibly rewarding.
Also, chicks dig it. And that's the real reason. I am incapable of true altruism.
Also, chicks dig it. And that's the real reason. I am incapable of true altruism. OP of the year nomination submitted. Your praise humbles me, Emperor.
Congrats on becoming a pub servant. Props to you bro. Pub servant! I get it!
How did you get involved with that particular pub? You mentioned elsewhere that a cop pulled over to see what was up when you let someone out to puke... what was the cop's reaction to your service? Are you the only one? Thanks for being there for people! Answered in other responses. Most people in the area know about the service. The cops just asked the girl if she was okay, and lightly jacked her up for getting that drunk. He didn't even say anything to me, actually.
Province? BC.
jacked her up. Is language in canada filled with double entendres or am i just perverted? No, sorry, that's Canadian military slang.
Do you get any nasty drunks? What do you do? Ask them to leave the bus? I deal with retards all the time. People who yell at me, people who yell at other passengers, people threatening to fight, etc. I simply tune them out. Last time I worked one guy threatened to stab another guy. "Come at me bro! I'll fucking stab you! You think I care!? I don't care!" I've never actually kicked someone out of the bus before, but I've seen the bouncers rip someone out for being mouthy to them.
I've managed to talk countless people out of taking the boots to each other. Also, I've mastered the art of destroying people with inertia by way of taking sharp corners and slamming them in to walls if they're being dicks.
Do people tip you for taking them home? They do, actually. I make a pretty penny. The guys all tip well. They'll slap me a five and say "thank for the ride bro!" and wander off. The girls don't tip at all usually. They just give me a "thanks ;)".
I once tipped a driver like you... because I tossed my cookies all over your van. I apologize for people like me.. If you gave me a cookie in such an incident I would forgive you.
I have two questions OP: 1)Ever picked up a woman that got on your bus? 2)Ever picked up a woman that got on your bus? I'm scared to answer this because someone on here knows what pub I work at and who I am.
Most girls i know take all the money out of their purse before they leave except maybe 4 dollars to buy their first beer and the rest is history. Which is irritating as all hell. It's one of the reasons I don't like girls.
Such a cruel joke that nature has genetically programmed me to persue them.
Wait do they give you "thanks" or a "thanks ;)" Does this job get you knee deep in pussy? I was once. She died.
But no, they just try and look all pretty and wander off.
Yea... you don't want the cookies I was tossin.But If I ever come to BC I'll will bring you some while I ride on the shuttle :) That sounds like a fantastic idea.
Yeah but saying that pretty much admits that you have. If you really hadn't you would've just said no... I'm not trying to convince you to tell the story btw. What I do inside the privacy of other people is my business.
Right? Right.
I'm sorry for your loss. Thanks. I still think about it.
DIBS on Austin use! Dibs is legally binding. It is so.
Lorne??? Nope, Tom. I graduated high school with Lorne. I'm the driver with the tie. Currently out of province so you wouldn't have seen me in a while.
Small internet.
Mr. Nomore -- that person who guessed who you are has a lot of gone wild posts HAHAHAHA
Canada is a small world! Too small.
Province... Canada? Ontario? I CAN GO TO YOUR BAR!!! BC. Sorry friend. But it would make a sick story if you flew out to BC to have a beer with a Redditer.
When I'm drunk I blather at people like bus drivers. They always seem interested in what I'm saying. Are you really or are you just humoring me? Depends what you have to say. Since people usually spill their guts when drunk or are hilariously slurring their speech, I pay attention, because it's funny and just oh-so-juicy.
What was your worst passenger to drive home like? And who was your most disgusting passenger? As the appointed representative of the nebulous hive mind of bar drivers, you're welcome.
it's awesome that bars will do this. As someone who doesn't drive and needs a DD because of it, it's much appreciated. The worst one was probably this chick who I drove home only to forget her keys at the bar somewhere. So I let her sit in the shuttle the whole night while I drove other people, and she picked fights with EVERYONE. She even punched a guy. She was probably just the worst because I had to deal with her for hours. But I couldn't just dump an attractive hammered girl on the street. Even though I wanted to.
You could have 'hammered and drilled' her in your apartment,OR even in the van!! I think you're vastly overestimating my skill with women.
In my city, if the pub driver has any trouble with the patrons or if they don't remember where they live, etc, he drops them off at the police station. I've seen him do it before, simple and effective. I've had a fellow not remember where he lived. I drove up and down his street until he remembered. He got home okay. It was annoying as all hell but at least he was okay.
Follow-up question: what was the assimilation process like? Did it feel like your soul was being ripped from your body, or was it strangely peaceful, like going home? It was what I imagine joining a chior was like. We are all voices, singing in unison.
3) ever pick a bus off of a woman? 4) how many women does it take to pick up a bus? Nope, but I've put a bus on a woman. Don't cross me.
Which one of you are the real OP? We are OP. We are legion.
That is really kool and very responsible for the bar to do this service. On avg how many people do you take home? Is it at a set time or do you constantly drive people home throughout the night? How many drivers does the bar use? What country is this? Depends, really. Calls can be from a single person to the van being so full that people are lying on top of other people (which is blatantly illegal, but meh).
I work from 9:00PM to when everyone goes home. So on slow nights I can go home at 2:00AM, but on super busy theme nights like Country Night I sometimes make it home by 4:30.
We have two drivers, me and another guy.
I live in Canada. My pub is in BC.
I'm new to Reddit. So, you know, sorry... Sounds like a fellow Canadian. I live in Canada. My pub is in BC. OP Verified. FUCK. I wasn't even trying to be funny. Turns out the stereotype is true.
I LIVE WHERE YOU LIVE! Haha. This has never happened to me before. I don't know what to do. Have we met?
I'm sure we have at one point or another. I've used that shuttle before getting home. Well that narrows it down.
Haha, no, you probably don't know me. I tend to sleep when I'm drunk haha. Perhaps I've woken you up before because you were sleeping in the back. It's happened.
How much vomit have you mopped up? Actually, I've only had two pukers in all my time there. One said she was sick and I pulled over in time, and the other puked outside of a hospital.
Which was weird, because we weren't there for him. Someone had to go to a hospital for a reason I can't remember, so I dropped them off and he got out to stretch his legs and bleeehgskdfjg. I told him to just go inside the hospital with the others. What convenience!
Wha? Canadian. Go outside, make sure the sun is to your left, and keep walking.
I'm actually really curious since you keep mentioning it. How much do you get paid, if you don't mind my asking? I made $10 an hour, but then it went up to $12 an hour. Plus tips. I don't do it for the money, I do it because it's hilarous.
This guy right here, is someone I'd gladly be friends with. I'm glad, I've never had a friend...
"I do it because it's hilarous." edit: do what you love. love what you do. Amen.
If you don't mind me asking, what do you average in tips? I'd say maybe $100 a night?
Waaait wait wait wait. I've been lurking this whole thread and I come across this. Is there a particular reason why? Or do you just have many acquaintances that you just never considered friends? I was joking. I have a very self-deprecating sence of humour. Thank you for your concern though.
Side note: I have some friends that I need to arrange a trip to come up and see in Canada. If I do this, I may need to add your pub to the trip list. I hope you do. I know our two peoples have been at war for centuries, but perhaps if you visit my pub, we can be at peace.
Well then today is your lucky day. Anyone who makes large life decisions with the important qualifying factor being "I do it because it's hilarious" has the same set of values that I hold so dear. I love BC and hit Whistler every other year, by George, I think we'd make fast friends. I'm glad to hear it. It's a fine place.
Scariest experience? I've never felt afraid at my job, actually, I'm pretty level-headed and haven't encountered a violent or retarded person I couldn't handle.
Just kidding. One time a pretty girl talked to me and I almost lost conciousness.
As fellow redditors most of us know that feel :/ It's why we Internet.
Https:// Understand Danny, I would use that footage out of a desire to do good. But through me, it would wield a footage too great and hilarious to imagine.
Oh my fucking god you are the greatest. Everyone on Reddit is so kind.
How did you get into the job; was it advertised by the pub, or did you go to them with the idea? Story: My buddies and I have wing night every night at another pub in town. Our server worked at both pubs, and the driver just quit. So because we were regulars he asked us all. I volunteered. Goes to show that if you really want a job, just hang out there long enough and eventually they'll start paying you.
That's how I got my job at the local bar. Pretty sweet eh?
Gotta love getting a job simply by sitting around and getting drunk. I think a lot of professions start that way.
How could something like this be truly effective in the states? If I sold hamburgers and assualt rifles out of the back of the van.
Just kidding. I can't imagine why it would be ineffective.
How many nights a week does your pub offer this service? Do you have another job other than this one? What specific thing have you done as a driver that you are most proud of? I think this is a great service, keep it up! Friday and Saturday nights. I do have another job. And my proudest moment was probably when a guy asked me to drop him off at a parking lot, and when I pulled up I asked if he lived in the nearby apartment building, to which he responded that he was just going to hop in his truck and drive home. I successfully convinced him to just let me drive him home for free. Getting a drunk driver off the road was rewarding.
Ever thought of running your own taxi cab confessions? Yes, actually. I've also thought of buying a bunch of snacks and jacking up the prices so the drunks have something to snack on while I drive, and I make some more cash.
It's evil, but Canada is a capitalist country, so neh.
Sell condoms and plan B pills! An excellent idea.
Make an arrangment with a takeaway or something and stop there to get some food if you have a big group? Props to you for doing this, we had similar service in my town in England, but the local cabbies got it shut down somehow / reported it if the legend is correct. If they ask and I have the time, I don't see why not. If I'm rushed people don't get such luxuries, of course.
Did you ever get an invitation for sex when dropping someone off? Lots of times. Mostly cougars. Frankly, I'd be less likely to be accosted by a cougar if I covered my body in steaks and wondered off in to the forest.
Dude, why didn't u do it? Just take 10-15 min in their place and drive off to the next one! Because they didn't tip that well.
Pub Shuttle Confessions? Exactly.
I don't see a problem here. Have people sign a release before they get in your bus. Their signatures would be unintelligable...
Have you ever been told anything particularly interesting by a drunk customer who is bad at keeping their mouth shut? IE drunken confessions. Oh god, all the time. I don't even know where to begin. I can't think of one off the top of my head at the moment but I'm sure I'll think of something later if you'll remind me.
Reminder! Well, I've been busy answering people but I once drove on to the native reserve only to have a girl curl up in to a ball and confess that she fears/hates Natives.
How do you handle really busy nights? I handle busy nights one call at a time. They stack up, and people just have to be patient as I drive one group here and there.
We have a similar van service at my university, which seems great, but is notorious for saying they will pick you up, and then leaving you on your own. This can be a problem if you drink more having come to rely on the van, which they say you can, here at least. Has anything like this ever happened in your experiences? I've had times where people call the bar, and I go to their address and they simply aren't there. I'll wait outside their residence for maybe 10 minutes and if they don't show and I have other calls to attend to, they're on their own. The bar informs them when I'm on my way and it's rather annoying when they aren't ready even with advanced notice.
Did you ever consider adding delivering pizza to said drunkards home on top of being the go to dd guy? You could make bank! ... Maybe. I've considered buying snacks and jacking up the prices and selling them as I drive to starving drunks.
Don't forget to sell water, the magic hangover cure! $5 a bottle.
Are you an independent contractor for the bar with your own van or does the bar own the van and employ you? What's your mileage in a night? I'd like to know more business specifics. This sounds like a good model. The bar employs me. It's their van. I can't think of the milage off the top of my head, but on top of getting customers it also relieves any liability the bar might have if a patron does for some reason drive drunk. I imagine that in court, the bar can argue that they provided a free and easy alternative and the blame thus lies on the person charged.
Do you worry about creepers getting off your shuttle at the same time as women they don't seem to know? Yes, I was told by the bouncers once to take a girl straight home as she had too much to drink, and some dudes in the shuttle were mad creeping on her. They asked if she wanted to go back to their places and I told them I had to take her home, so I stopped it.
Quite the internal conflict, cock blocking my fellow bros...
Gentleman cockblocker if you ask me. The classic duty of care vs. duty of loyalty conflict.
What I was trying to ask: is do you keep guys from getting off at her house if it's clear that they aren't with her and things could go badly? I talked them out of it, but if need be I would physically intervene.
Is there a certain radius you can drive? I can't imagine picking up people two towns over. I live on the coast and there is a certain highway that I do not cross, as that is the limit. If someone where to throw a few bucks my way, however...
14? Nope. If I say the highway, people will know who I am... Although some already know.
But how far up or down the coast can you go? Not very far. I think you fail to grasp the size of the Canadian cost.
Basically, I go 15k in any direction. I have land marks in each direction that let me know I've gone far enough.
Have you ever had anyone dangerously drunk in your van? I've never felt in danger myself, nor have I ever felt that other are in danger.
Man I have worked pubs from Canada > New Zealand > England. Best punters, Canada. Worst, UK, by far. I used to refuse to televise Chelsea games. I was born in England but came to Canada before I reached sentience. I hear that they're nuts, and TV leads me to believe this is so.
Well, I suddenly am not wondering why I'm reading your posts in a British accent anymore. Great AMA, by the way! Thank you. But please, continue to read my posts in a British accent. It makes your mental image of me classier. Or, if you're a chick, sexier.
Are you busy during "slack" times (say 11pm until 1230am)? Only weekend. I have unlimited freedom during that time. Hell, I've driven home (which is two minutes away) and made myself a cup of tea because I knew nothing would happen in that time.
Would you rather shuttle one horse sized duck is 100 duck sized horses? 100 duck sized horses. I could punish the roudy ones by stuffing them in to the glove box.
Good luck fitting a duck into a glove compartment ... I don't believe in luck.
Ever gotten into an accident or pulled over by the police? Nope. Luckily. I pulled over once to let a chick puke and a cop pulled up to see what was going on. That's about it.
Did you have to talk to the authorities or anything before starting this? I imagine in a lot of countries, this could in some way be considered pirating (even if you tell them it's free), you might get in trouble with cab companies, be considered a dangerous rapist luring drunk girls into your van, etc. How easy was it to get this going? Did you just turn up outside a bar one day? Nope, there wasn't any background check, but it's a small town and they knew who I was and where I lived etc. And our shuttle ONLY drove people too and from the bar, and only to a certain point.
They simply asked me.
How much down time do you have? What happens when your bar is full? How is gas handled? Depends. Some nights are dead, some nights are go go go. When the bar is full, I simply tell people over the phone that there is a line up. Usually they say thank you but they cancel their ride.
The van is usually filled up by the time the shuttle rides start. Only once have I had to fill up while working, and it takes as long to fuel as the bloody space shuttle. Customers weren't happy. They were cold and had to pee.
So the customer calls the bar, and then they give you the info and you call them back if there is a line? Do they provide the phone? Yes. They don't provide the phone, but I have unlimited texting as part of my plan, so it's no biggy. I think they did offer me a phone when I started but because I like my phone more and it wouldn't cost me anything I just elected to use my own.
You've said you make pretty decent tips doing this... is it your only job, or do you do this enough to pay the bills? Thanks again for your service. You're welcome. I do have another job. I just do this on weekends.
Have you ever had kids (who obviously look underage) try to have you take them to the pub? Yes, but once I get there the bouncer IDs and catches them. Then I have to go through the annoyance of driving them back. Damn kids.
How large is your service area (how many miles are you willing to travel away from the bar)? About 15 KILOMETERS, YANK. But there is a certain highway I don't cross which acts as my boundry. If people want to fork out some money I go further, though.
Thank god you're using the metric system! :) There is irony in a country so opposed to the empire then continuing to use it's measuring system centuries later.
Has anyone ever thrown up on you? If not, grossest story? Not on me, luckily. Had only two pukers. Answered in other comments.
Does the bar give you free drinks every now and then(obviously when you're not currently shuttling people)? No, the same rules apply to me as everyone else.
The bar actually faces liability for this? Why? The patron decided to drink, the liability of what happens because of their drinking should be on them. In BC to serve alcohol you have to take an online course called Serving It Right, which takes all of half an hour. Part of the course explains that the drinking establishment is partially liable is something were to happen.
I think it's because the bar has the discretion to cut off customers who have too much, but if they fail to do that and consume so much that they think it's okay for them to drive, then it's somehow the bar's fault. I don't really know the finer points to be honest. It's only a certain small percentage that the bar is liable.
When I was a waiter I was told that if I served a customer too much booze and they killed someone I would be legally responsible. Not sure how true it is. Well, you wouldn't be charged with murder. I don't know. It's been a long day.
But how is it the bar's fault "Woah, you can't drive, you've had way too many" "Oh no it's cool bro, I'm walking". Then gets in his car and kills someone. Why is the bar liable? I'm sure if that were the case, they'd be let off. Maybe there was a case somewhere where the staff failed to notice that a person was very drunk and had no viable means to get home and the establishment didn't give him one, so he drove.
Damn it Jim, I'm a driver, not a lawyer!
It's so awesome that this exists. Right on dude! What do you need to get a job like this, apart from the driver's license? A lot of patience.
What's the douchest someone has ever been on the shuttle? On a scale from Mr. Rogers to Simon Cowell. Probably the guy who treatened to stab another guy. Story explained in another response.
How do you make a living if you're providing this service for free? I'm sure you get tips, but aside from strippers, it's tough to live off of tips. I have other jobs. I just do this on the weekends. I get an hourly wage there of $12.
What's the largest drunk tip you've ever received? From an individual person? Probably $20.
Does the van have any specific markings? Does it say Drunk Truck on it or anything? Yes, it has the name of the pub in large letters across the side. Everyone in town knows what it looks like.
Are you allowed to deny people entry to your bus? If they look like they're going to puke soon, or they're already causing trouble, for example. Yes, I've worked there long enough and am well trusted enough that I pretty much have unlimited discretion. That being said, I don't arbitrarily deny people. That would be a dick move.
Plus I wouldn't get tips.
Have you ever been attacked, if not what's the scariest thing one of your passengers have done? Or answer both? I've never been assualted. I like to think I'm pretty good at talking people out of violence, and so far I've never failed.
I've never felt scared during the course of my job to be honest. The only thing I can think of that someone could see as scary was when one guy threatened to stab another and did the whole "come at me bro!" routine.
I want to say thanks for doing this. Not many people I know would, and considering you do it just because its a public service makes it pretty special. And because Im preeetty sure which pub you work for, I was wondering if there`s any positions for cooks opening up? As someone whos been looking for work for a couple months, I figure, What the hell. Why not ask on reddit? I'm not sure, actually. You'd have to ask. I'm simply the driver. I don't have much to do with the internal workings of the pub, to be honest. Sorry about that.
Also, thank you. But I pointed out earlier, it's not all altruism. It's sooo much fun.
They have a shuttle at a local pub around here. The sign in the bar says the contribute 50% of tips to a local cancer research center. Did you ever consider cutting a piece to a local charity? It's never crossed my mind. Large charity events like that would be typically organized by the bar manager. I know the bar has done events such as auctioning off our staff for charity. I was called away to do something at the time, but I'm sure if I had been there, I would have been sold to a pack of cougars and promptly consumed.
Best way you've ever gotten tipped? A dude once gave me money to shout "PAARTYYY" at the top of my lungs.
Did anyone try to turn your shuttle into their personal BangBus? Not a bang bus, persay. But people do try to abuse the service.
Is this a national thing or just in your city? I've never seen it outside my city. But then again, I usually only travel for work.
Where I'm from, free buses get a lot of push back from taxi companies. Usually, the powers that be shut them down and threaten legal action if the buses continue. These taxi companies then go to charge exorbitant fees. Have you experienced anything like this? I haven't, but I'm just under the employ of the pub. I haven't heard of the pub taking any flack for it.
How much sex has taken place on the fun bus? I haven't directly witnessed any, besides a topless girl making out with a dude. I'm sure someone has gotten head in the back while I was driving, though.
Ever get drunk girls flashing their tits on the bus? Sort of. One guy was making out with a girl and got completely topless.
Also, wet t-shirt night. But that's a given.
Have you ever driven an American on your shuttle bus? and is there a difference between American drunks and Candian drunks? Not terribly. Other than the tips being in American. They're obviously more surprised at the service than the locals, because they're not used to it. I've never had a dickish American supremacist, if that's what you're asking.
Proof? I'll have to get back to you for that. I'm at my other job at the moment. PM is required.
You work at Wranchman's? Negatron, I've actually never heard of that place.
Is this a private company or does the bar pay for your service and then you receive tips as well? The bar. They provide the van and pay me an hourly wage, and I keep the tips.
Reddit keeps giving me more and more reasons to love our brothers to the north. Such a brilliant idea. I wonder if I could start a company like this in Los Angeles. Be the first, southern brother.
What kind of shuttle is it? Who makes it? It's just a panel van. I don't know the make, to be honest.
In the general area, where is this bar located? I have never heard of this service before. On Vancouver Island.
Last updated: 2013-01-19 10:09 UTC
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2012.05.06 08:13 r4r_summary_bot Summary of r4r for 2012/05/06

This is a summary of posts from /r4r between 2012/05/04 00:49:45 UTC and 2012/05/06 06:13:33 UTC
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2012.05.06 08:13 r4r_summary_bot Summary of r4r for 2012/05/06

This is a summary of posts from /r4r between 2012/05/04 00:49:45 UTC and 2012/05/06 06:13:33 UTC
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2010.04.04 03:55 cougarlover83 Cougar bars in Vancouver?

I posted this already but it seems to have vanished:
Throwaway account.
Being a newcomer to this city has given me the opportunity to try something I always wanted: cougars. Where can you meet them here? Also what are the costumes (asking as the broke grad student)?
EDIT: In the meantime I found this on reddit. Enjoy the read!
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